Friday's quickies.

[Cubist]

Q: What's yellow and dangerous?

A: Shark infested custard.

 

[Cubist]

Bloke goes into a chemist :
"Have you got any cough syrup please?
"Nope"
"Cough sweets?"
"Nope"
"Cough drops?"
"Nope"
"Anything for a cough"
"Nope, sorry."
"But you're a pharmacist, make something up!"
"Ok, Frank Sinatra was in here this morning."

 

[Cubist]

Two owls playing pool. One goes in-off, the other says "Foul-that's two hits."
The other said "Two hits to who?"

 

[Bayerd]

Woman walked up to the bar and ordered a double entendre.

So the barman gave her one.

Didn't she have her sound recordist friend with her? I heard he gave her one two......

 

[Cubist]

Didn't she have her sound recordist friend with her? I heard he gave her one two......

Awesome Bayerd!

Marsden eh? Scape dweller myself!

 

[Fab Foodie]

Who led the Pedant's revolt?
Which Tyler...

 

[Noodley]

Two parrots sitting on a perch.

One turns to the other and says: 'Can you smell fish?'

 

[Cubist]

Why do dogs chase cars? I mean if they ever caught one they wouldn't have a f*cking clue how to drive it.

 

[02GF74]

Two cows in a field. One says "Moo".

"I knew you'd say that" says the other.

 

[02GF74]

What the difference between a bad marksman and an constipated owl?

One shoots and never hits, the other hoots ....

 

[02GF74]

What the difference between a brave knight and a perverted baker?


One darts into the foe, the other ...

 

[02GF74]

What the difference between a reliable Hoover and a fandy Swiss sailor?


One sucks and never fails, the other ...

 

[02GF74]

Q. What's the difference between a duck?

A. Both its feet are the same.

(late and great Spike Millinghan)

 

[rikki]

What's the difference between a cavalry officer and a cart horse.

One darts into the fray, and the other ...

 

[Hover Fly]

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Nominated for oldest on the thread. Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men In a Boat, circa 1889.