Getting married - bit scary : any advice!
- Thread starter mangaman
- Start date
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Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Indeed. I knew someone whose daughter married her childhood sweetheart - they'd been together since they were 16, and live together for several years before they married. They wanted to get married in Mauritius, so he coughed up for the ceremony, and flying out various relatives.
6 months later, they split up. I suspect there was more thought put into the wedding, than the marriage.
Sorry, that's a downer of a story, but there's a moral in there somewhere....
Baggy
Cake connoisseur
- Location
- Where the chevrons are
Congratulations! 
And don't panic - once you start getting organised it will all start falling into place...
Chuffy and I were in our mid/late 30s - and spent approx £5k I think, though we only had about 40 guests and it wasn't a church wedding. We did things in a similar way to Black Sheep - afternoon wedding to leave us with the morning to get stuff ready, and made our own invites, table decorations and place settings.
You can end up getting sucked into the whole thing and the costs easily mount up - things like "wedding favours" suddenly seem a good idea, but luckily we woke up to the fact we were about to spend £80 on ponced-up sugared almonds and bought everyone a packet of Love Hearts instead! The cake wasn't wedding specific, which probably saved about £150.
We asked friends to give us lifts from the venue to the main reception. This was a small hotel, and gave us an extremely good deal on food and corkage as it was a quiet time of year. As mentioned above, if you pick an off peak time things are much cheaper. We made made a load of mix CDs with our favourite tunes to boogie along to rather than use a DJ.
I was happy sorting out my own hair and make-up, as were the bridesmaids, which also saved a lot of money. Against expectations I did end up with a wedding dress (albeit a purple velvet/gold satin number) which was in a sale. My friend's Mum rustled up a matching cape, and another friend's sister made me some bespoke jewellery as a gift.
Flowers at the venue were big loose bunches of Michaelmas daisies rather than uber pricey formal arrangements. We didn't have a photographer (though a few professional snaps would have been good, in retrospect - we had some good snaps but didn't get any really decent ones of the two of us together).
We suggested if anyone wanted to give us a pressie that they could give us vouchers - and had a silly gift list too, although someone did excel themselves by actually providing the Easter Island heads, complete with hats
And don't panic - once you start getting organised it will all start falling into place...Chuffy and I were in our mid/late 30s - and spent approx £5k I think, though we only had about 40 guests and it wasn't a church wedding. We did things in a similar way to Black Sheep - afternoon wedding to leave us with the morning to get stuff ready, and made our own invites, table decorations and place settings.
You can end up getting sucked into the whole thing and the costs easily mount up - things like "wedding favours" suddenly seem a good idea, but luckily we woke up to the fact we were about to spend £80 on ponced-up sugared almonds and bought everyone a packet of Love Hearts instead! The cake wasn't wedding specific, which probably saved about £150.
We asked friends to give us lifts from the venue to the main reception. This was a small hotel, and gave us an extremely good deal on food and corkage as it was a quiet time of year. As mentioned above, if you pick an off peak time things are much cheaper. We made made a load of mix CDs with our favourite tunes to boogie along to rather than use a DJ.
I was happy sorting out my own hair and make-up, as were the bridesmaids, which also saved a lot of money. Against expectations I did end up with a wedding dress (albeit a purple velvet/gold satin number) which was in a sale. My friend's Mum rustled up a matching cape, and another friend's sister made me some bespoke jewellery as a gift.
Flowers at the venue were big loose bunches of Michaelmas daisies rather than uber pricey formal arrangements. We didn't have a photographer (though a few professional snaps would have been good, in retrospect - we had some good snaps but didn't get any really decent ones of the two of us together).
We suggested if anyone wanted to give us a pressie that they could give us vouchers - and had a silly gift list too, although someone did excel themselves by actually providing the Easter Island heads, complete with hats
congratulations! And better late than never!
the big thing is to disentangle yourself from the entire marriage/money thing
my first wedding was an open air affair on a patch of empty land on a hill in Laurel Canyon, followed by a garden party at our place. We brought the main stuff - lox, cream cheese and bagels - and I made the cake. The dress was expensive, but I wore smart-ish casual clothes People bought drink. It was a fabulous affair, not diminished by the bride collapsing in a hammock having had far too much to drink
the second was registry office followed by garden party at her place (we'd neglected to move in together). We brought the basics - gala pie, and I made the cake. The dress was expensive, but I wore smart-ish casual clothes. We brought some drink, and the guests brought some more. It was a fabulous affair not diminished in the least by the bride collapsing on top of me having had far too much to drink
the big thing is to disentangle yourself from the entire marriage/money thing
my first wedding was an open air affair on a patch of empty land on a hill in Laurel Canyon, followed by a garden party at our place. We brought the main stuff - lox, cream cheese and bagels - and I made the cake. The dress was expensive, but I wore smart-ish casual clothes People bought drink. It was a fabulous affair, not diminished by the bride collapsing in a hammock having had far too much to drink
the second was registry office followed by garden party at her place (we'd neglected to move in together). We brought the basics - gala pie, and I made the cake. The dress was expensive, but I wore smart-ish casual clothes. We brought some drink, and the guests brought some more. It was a fabulous affair not diminished in the least by the bride collapsing on top of me having had far too much to drink
fenfirsttimer
Well-Known Member
- Location
- The Fens
Too true - I used to work at a country club which had very expensive wedding receptions and then you would hear the couple were divorced a year later - but they were younger couples who seemed more obsessed about the wedding 'day' rather than the marriage.
One of the best receptions I went to as a guest was a ceilidh were all the guests brought food for the buffet, and stepped in to help with serving, clearing washing up etc & it was an absolute hoot of an evening.
Another one had a hog roast for the catering but it was outside on a sunny evening. Thought that was a nice touch. I also fancy the fish & chip van suggestion.
In my mind - the best weddings are the ones done on a budget.......
Congratulations by the way - have fun - don't stress!
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Even better, a while back there was a wedding fair going on in the Museum Gardens in town, and there was a pudding van! An ice cream van, basically, but it sold hot and cold puddings - treacle sponge, apple pie etc. Dinner, sorted!
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Looks like I'm in for the long haul then. Twenty four years and counting........
Baggy
Cake connoisseur
- Location
- Where the chevrons are
Heaven! Had our nuptuals not taken place in a very cold January we might well have gone down the chip van route...
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Even better than that. There's a pie van that's a converted American school bus. Now that would be dinner sorted.
Congratulations from here too.
I've been to cheap weddings and expensive weddings and fabulous weddings and crap weddings and the cost and the crapness or otherwise were utterly completely unrelated. What made the fabulous weddings fabulous was the experience of sharing a day with a wedding couple who were having a good time and who had invested thought in planning a celebration that they would enjoy and making sure that their chosen guests felt welcome.
I went to two weddings one summer which were both wonderful experiences although completely different in many respects - not least that one will have cost at least ten times as much as the other. Both had a church ceremony (in the church which the couples actually were part of the community, so not just for the venue) and a big white dress. One was a very expensive do, with sit down meals and evening buffet and unlimited boozahol for a couple of hundred guests. The other had a reception in the couple's back garden of their very modest house (Yorkies - ex-council house on the edges of tang hall will give you an idea that we aren't talking country mansion homes here) with guests bringing bottles and, if they wanted, contributions for a buffet (I made a terribly posh hazlenut meringue gateau in sufficient quantity for about 50 people) and the majority of the catering being done by the bride herself because they'd looked at catered venues and realised that for half the cost of a fairly rubbish meal she could cook all her favourite things herself which she would enjoy much much more - both the cooking and the eating. The thing that made both occasions special was the time and effort that the couples put in to making sure that their guests enjoyed the day, and the fact that they themselves were clearly having a great time rather than worrying about the colours of the flowers or whatever. Daft stuff like, having invited friends with children, having some toys knocking about for them to play with. Fundamentally, they were good hosts.
Whatever you do I hope you have a lovely wedding, and an equally lovely marriage following it.
I've been to cheap weddings and expensive weddings and fabulous weddings and crap weddings and the cost and the crapness or otherwise were utterly completely unrelated. What made the fabulous weddings fabulous was the experience of sharing a day with a wedding couple who were having a good time and who had invested thought in planning a celebration that they would enjoy and making sure that their chosen guests felt welcome.
I went to two weddings one summer which were both wonderful experiences although completely different in many respects - not least that one will have cost at least ten times as much as the other. Both had a church ceremony (in the church which the couples actually were part of the community, so not just for the venue) and a big white dress. One was a very expensive do, with sit down meals and evening buffet and unlimited boozahol for a couple of hundred guests. The other had a reception in the couple's back garden of their very modest house (Yorkies - ex-council house on the edges of tang hall will give you an idea that we aren't talking country mansion homes here) with guests bringing bottles and, if they wanted, contributions for a buffet (I made a terribly posh hazlenut meringue gateau in sufficient quantity for about 50 people) and the majority of the catering being done by the bride herself because they'd looked at catered venues and realised that for half the cost of a fairly rubbish meal she could cook all her favourite things herself which she would enjoy much much more - both the cooking and the eating. The thing that made both occasions special was the time and effort that the couples put in to making sure that their guests enjoyed the day, and the fact that they themselves were clearly having a great time rather than worrying about the colours of the flowers or whatever. Daft stuff like, having invited friends with children, having some toys knocking about for them to play with. Fundamentally, they were good hosts.
Whatever you do I hope you have a lovely wedding, and an equally lovely marriage following it.
fenfirsttimer
Well-Known Member
- Location
- The Fens
Ooooo - want one - do I need to get married again to justify it
Sounds my idea of heaven!
Canrider
Guru
No time to read the whole thread, Arch, vernon and Night Train from p1 are on the right track, but in case no-one's mentioned this:
Never say (to a caterer, venue, purveyor of victuals, clothier, etc) 'We're getting married'.
Not all will, but like as not some jack the price right up as soon as they hear that.
Catering for the church social event: economical.
Catering for the church wedding: How much have you got?
My sister got married in a (ivory) 'bridesmaid's' dress. Couldn't have possibly told the difference until you looked at the price: 20% of a similar 'wedding' dress.
Actually, one exception: if you're treating yourselves to a honeymoon trip via airplane then say 'just married' to everyone in the airport and watch the complementary stuff roll in. (apparently)
Never say (to a caterer, venue, purveyor of victuals, clothier, etc) 'We're getting married'.
Not all will, but like as not some jack the price right up as soon as they hear that.
Catering for the church social event: economical.
Catering for the church wedding: How much have you got?
My sister got married in a (ivory) 'bridesmaid's' dress. Couldn't have possibly told the difference until you looked at the price: 20% of a similar 'wedding' dress.
Actually, one exception: if you're treating yourselves to a honeymoon trip via airplane then say 'just married' to everyone in the airport and watch the complementary stuff roll in. (apparently)
slowmotion
Quite dreadful
- Location
- lost somewhere
Absolutely! A lot of people seem to be sucked into the idea that it is "going to be the happiest day of their lives" , and that, therefore, no expense is unwarranted. You must fight those thoughts. Don't get a wedding list at John Lewis when the few things that you really want are at Argos. Send them a catalogue, complete with one of their stubby little Biros.
Buy your alcohol at a grog outlet and employ some caterers if you must, , but without the corkage deal. Venues are always a problem. I would avoid hotels, but that is just a personal preference. Farmers rent out fields near beautiful locations but the weather is always a worry. I absolutely agree with those who advise you to dispense with professional photographers, and do not even consider a video. Your personal memories will be much more vivid than jpegs etc.
Congratulations. I wish you both much happiness.
pepecat
Well-Known Member
- Location
- Dodging the Buzes in Brum
Congratulations!!
It's your day, do it your way.....
...would be my advice.
And if the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding, i'm going to be married for a REALLY long time!! (well, civil partnered, but, details details....).
It's your day, do it your way.....
...would be my advice.
And if the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding, i'm going to be married for a REALLY long time!! (well, civil partnered, but, details details....).
