Go on LAUGH
- Thread starter yenrod
- Start date
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Sh4rkyBloke
Jaffa Cake monster
- Location
- Manchester, UK
?
red_tom
New Member
- Location
- East London
A dwarf mystic escaped form prison yesterday.
Police are looking for a small medium at large.
Police are looking for a small medium at large.
Sh4rkyBloke
Jaffa Cake monster
- Location
- Manchester, UK
Sorry Yenners, I was honestly mistified as to what you were asking/wanting. I thought you wanted us (the thread viewers) to physically laugh... but was a bit unsure what the point was given that there's no sound recording capability with the forum...yenrod said:A joke
Come on Sharks I thought you would have got that !
Was it just me being a bit dim then?
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter,” said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,.... .. "but his face rings a bell"
WAIT! WAIT! There's more......... .....
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said , "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped, picked up a mallet and struck the bells as beautifully as his brother. But as he finished, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but..."
( ... . Wait for it . . )
( . . It's worth it . .. ..)
"BUT HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER."
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter,” said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,.... .. "but his face rings a bell"
WAIT! WAIT! There's more......... .....
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said , "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped, picked up a mallet and struck the bells as beautifully as his brother. But as he finished, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but..."
( ... . Wait for it . . )
( . . It's worth it . .. ..)
"BUT HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER."
John the Monkey
Frivolous Cyclist
- Location
- Crewe
Craig David has announced he is set to join the UK 2012 Olympic archery team.
He'll be the bow selector.
He'll be the bow selector.
2 vampire bats hanging from a tree.
The 1st one decides to go out for a flight.
1/2 an hour later, he comes back covered in blood.
The 2nd one says "Wow, what happened ?"
The 1st one replied "See that village over there ?"
"Yeah"
"See that Church ?"
"Yeah"
"See that steeple on the tip ?"
"Yeah"
"Well I didn't !!!"
The 1st one decides to go out for a flight.
1/2 an hour later, he comes back covered in blood.
The 2nd one says "Wow, what happened ?"
The 1st one replied "See that village over there ?"
"Yeah"
"See that Church ?"
"Yeah"
"See that steeple on the tip ?"
"Yeah"
"Well I didn't !!!"
betty swollocks
large member
Flying Fox: never have I felt strongly enough to advocate banning anyone from this forum............. until i read your 'jokes'
betty swollocks
large member
I'm embarrassed to admit that I did snigger!
And
Fun sponge
- Location
- DE4, Derbyshire
According to government statistics 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy and 1 in 7 is Grumpy.
"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm Tom Jones" - "It's not unusual"
You've heard this one before:what do you call a septic cat?............................................................puss
"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm Tom Jones" - "It's not unusual"
You've heard this one before:what do you call a septic cat?............................................................puss
tdr1nka
Taking the biscuit
- Location
- SE London, Bandit Country
sw3008 said:
This would be my fave joke ever if not a close second to...........
Man walks into a fish & chip shop.
'Evening Sir, what can I get you?' asks the owner.
'I'll have cod and chips twice please.'
'Alright mate, I heard you the first time.'
A bloke is shopping with his wife and they come across the beer isle so the husband grabs a big box and throws it in the trolley what ya doin says the wife, theirs a credit crunch on you know and we've got to be carefull with the money so he reluctantly puts it back...later on after the regular essentials have been acquired the wife puts a jar of face cream in the trolley hold on a minute says the husband why the face cream well this makes me look beautifull says the wife, nah replies the husband the beer would have done that and was 12 quid cheaper
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
A cat needed to have some radio-active treatment to remove some tumours.
It was explained to the owner afterwards, that the cat now had eighteen half-lifes.
It was explained to the owner afterwards, that the cat now had eighteen half-lifes.
