Grizzly attack - don't try to climb a tree....

[e-rider]

As a child I was taught that Honey or Marmalade Sandwiches work wonders with bears.

Paddington?

 

[montage]

I just want to know what those mysterious drops of liquid are on his right shoe

 

[661-Pete]

Can't guess the origin of the piccy, but googling shows it's been around some years: see here (looks like someone's blog - scroll down to the entry for 4 Feb 2006). Doesn't prove anything about whether it's genuine...

 

[Yellow Fang]

I'm sure I heard somewhere that of the two American bears, one can climb trees and the other can push trees over!!!
Either way, a tree isn't going to help much.
Makes me glad to live in a country where fierce predators start with badgers, then foxes, then hedgehogs.

I've heard before that your escape strategy depends identifying the species of bear. But if we're talking North America, there's the black bear, brown bear, grisly bear and kodiak bear, only I think the brown bear, grisly bear and kodiak bear are all really the same species. I think one species doesn't like bells, but the other is not put off by them. I'm not sure there is a way to escape them. They can run faster, climb better, and if you play dead, they think you're carrion.

 

[ColinJ]

I've heard before that your escape strategy depends identifying the species of bear. But if we're talking North America, there's the black bear, brown bear, grisly bear and kodiak bear, only I think the brown bear, grisly bear and kodiak bear are all really the same species. I think one species doesn't like bells, but the other is not put off by them. I'm not sure there is a way to escape them. They can run faster, climb better, and if you play dead, they think you're carrion.

I suggest throwing peanut butter, honey and banana sandwiches at the bear and just hope that it is bored of eating meat! 

Er, has anybody done the running shoes joke yet? (Checks...)

So, two pals were out in the woods when a big grizzly bear emerges from the trees and runs towards them snarling and looking mean and very hungry.

One of the men takes a pair of running shoes out of his rucksack and starts to put them on.

His friend shouts to him - "It's no use putting running shoes on, you can't outrun a grizzly bear!" 

"I don't need to outrun the bear!"   

 

[Yellow Fang]

That one's so old I remember Ronald Reagan telling it.

Have you hear the one about the bear and the huntsman...?

 

[ColinJ]

That one's so old I remember Ronald Reagan telling it.

Wow, you knew Ronald Reagan!

Have you hear the one about the bear and the huntsman...?

Go on then... 

 

[Speicher]

Come on Yellow Fang. What are you waiting fur? We can bearly contain our excitement, doughnut keep us waiting.

 

[Yellow Fang]

The huntsman goes hunting bear... blah di blah di blah... and the bear says, "You're not here for the hunting, are you darling."

 

[ColinJ]

The huntsman goes hunting bear... blah di blah di blah... and the bear says, "You're not here for the hunting, are you darling."

Well that didn't exactly make a lot of sense without the middle section, but by the power of the mighty Google, I found the full gag. Been there, laughed at the joke, and now saving up for the t-shirt!

 

[Arch]

I think one species doesn't like bells, but the other is not put off by them.

I half remember a story about a ranger talking to two tourists, who tell him that they've bought these little bells to attach to their clothes to scare off bears. The ranger says, by the way, do you know how to identify the species by their poo? No, they say. Well, he says, grizzly poo and black bear poo look very similar, but the grizzly poo is full of little bells....

 

[Shadow]

But if we're talking North America, there's the black bear, brown bear, grisly bear and kodiak bear

what about the polar variety?!!

they are however, easy to identify!!

 

[Yellow Fang]

Well that didn't exactly make a lot of sense without the middle section, but by the power of the mighty Google, I found the full gag. Been there, laughed at the joke, and now saving up for the t-shirt!

I thought everyone had heard that joke by now.

 

[postman]

We were told while on our Canadian tour.

That bears consider cyclists as meals on wheels .

 

[slowmotion]

I think you are strongly advised to resort to powerful chemicals. The locals round here do. Lots of the stuff...fast...

http://www.udap.com/