Happy slapper got his commupance

I was out on a ride earlier, which was a polar opposite to yesterdays lovely pootle. Blustery crosswinds and bad drivers were punctuated by debris strewn roads and badly regulated oil burning engines.

I was climbing a steep hill on my way home, a bit disgrundled and with a sore lower back so was just grinding it out in the granny ring. I heard a sound that makes every cyclists heart beat faster, and a swoosh of adrenaline course though their veins - the sound of a 1.2litre engine farting its exhaust gasses through a pipe the size of a water main.

I looked over my shoulder and sure enough, a red Saxo, with foglights on was screaming up the hill behind me. I turned forwards again, spidey senses tingling, and waited for the inevitable buzzing.

I glanced back at them at the very last second and saw the passenger leaning out of the window, hand aimed at me. I ducked my head and the massive impact hit my back, so hard it lifted my bum off the saddle and tipped me forwards. I (only just) didn't come off, and I'm not hurt at all, but judging by the scream that was loud enough for me to hear, I think that Mr Happy-Slapper has got a broken hand.

I wear my motorbike spine protector under my jersey when cycling, because of a spinal vulnerability I have, which isn't worth risking. It is made of reinforced plastic, which hopefully smashed a fair few bones in his hand.

It has been reported to the Police for the usual filing directly in the bin.
 
:biggrin::biggrin:on the broken hand part :biggrin::biggrin:! on the driving, that was a idiotic thing for the driver to do, glad you escaped relatively OK.
 

PrettyboyTim

New Member
Location
Brighton
:biggrin:

I'm glad you're okay - hopefully Mr. H. Slapper will have learned a valuable lesson!

You don't have much luck with idiots in hot hatches, do you?
 

John the Monkey

Frivolous Cyclist
Location
Crewe
Did you get a number, Jacomus?

If the Police are reluctant to pursue it, it may be worth reminding them that at least two cyclists (I think in Kent) have been seriously injured by this type of idiocy.
 
OP
Jacomus-rides-Gen

Jacomus-rides-Gen

New Member
I didn't get the numberplate because I was too busy not falling off, but I reported it anyway, and did say that I thought some bloke would be turning up in casualty with his left hand in a sorry state.

I think the recent rani has washed the scum out of the decrepit cracks they have been residing in - over the summer it is rare for me to have to dodge cars, now it happens almost every time I ride.
 

Tetedelacourse

New Member
Location
Rosyth
You do appear to be a chav magnet JRG. Maybe it's time to lose the mohawk and get a burberry cap!


It's like the modern-day equivalent of Oor Wullie sticking a horseshoe in his back pocket before getting the slipper treatment.

I hope the ****er gets strung up.
 

John the Monkey

Frivolous Cyclist
Location
Crewe
Jacomus-rides-Gen said:
I didn't get the numberplate because I was too busy not falling off ...
Would be my first concern too :/

Glad you're alright - hopefully these numpties will turn up after doing something else stupid, and the plod can add this to the sheet :/
 

Arch

Married to Night Train
Location
Salford, UK
PrettyboyTim said:
:biggrin:

I'm glad you're okay - hopefully Mr. H. Slapper will have learned a valuable lesson!

You don't have much luck with idiots in hot hatches, do you?
I dunno, that's twice Jacomus has had the joy of knowing that a chav has come to regret their actions (after the speed bump/bodywork contre temps). I'd say he's quite lucky, in that respect!

(Obviusly, it's better not have to go through it. But if you are going to get buzzed, better than it ends badly for the idiot....)

Anyway, well done for injuring the twat Jacomus, and for bothering to report it. I suggest for your next trick you find a way of electrifying your body protector...:biggrin: (but so that it doesn't electrify you!)
 
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Jacomus-rides-Gen

Jacomus-rides-Gen

New Member
I'm hoping that since this is my third chav-magnet attack, it will be my last for a long time, running on the basis of things coming in threes.
 

Arch

Married to Night Train
Location
Salford, UK
Jacomus-rides-Gen said:
I'm hoping that since this is my third chav-magnet attack, it will be my last for a long time, running on the basis of things coming in threes.
Sadly, many chavs can't count that high...
 

Globalti

Legendary Member
Would you smash your hand against a wall at 10 mph? No, so imagine what 20 or 30 must have felt like..... ha ha!
 

Pete

Guest
I've had this happen to me about two years ago (there's a thread somewhere on ACF if I can be bothered to dig up the link). I was lucky in that (a) the slap was with the open hand and only caught me on the right ear - stinging feeling but I didn't go down, and (:biggrin: I got the number plate (it was at night, there was a following car that illuminated the offending vehicle nicely!).

And the police did their bit and followed it up! Why do you suppose your report will go straight to the bin, J.? You may be lucky and get a result, as I did: the idiot fessed up and got a caution, which means he's got a criminal record. This was after the driver of the car shopped him. Remember, since I gave the police a registration number, they paid a call on the owner/driver first - to his intense embarrassment and annoyance! :biggrin:

If the cops do take an interest this will be classed as 'common assault' which is far more serious than a mere motoring offence. Keep pushing for an outcome!

[edit] see here
 
I encountered a friend on the Bristol to Bath on evening, as we passed we 'high fived' each other (yeah I know, but hes American so), each doing less than 15mph. It fecking hurt like hell! I heard him yelping off down the track .
 

Joe24

More serious cyclist than Bonj
Location
Nottingham
I high fived(hes abit strange and has some problems) some kid, i was doing abit above 15, and he was probably doing just less. I had gloves on though so it didnt hurt me, but the scream i heard from him made me laugh.

Look on youtube for the chavvy person who tried it , some of his mates will probably want to humiliate him for his stupidity. You could hope theres a picture of the car with number plate. Doubtful though
 
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Jacomus-rides-Gen

Jacomus-rides-Gen

New Member
I don't thinhk I want to search for cyclists being happy slapped on youtube, I bet there are waaaaaaaaaaay too many cases and don't want my dinner to come up.

This does remind me coming across a vid of some kids in the US/CAN trying to hit a cyclist by opening their car coor, except the kid pushed too hard and slid out. His face made a very satisfying *smack* sound as it was collected by the rear bumper of a stationary car.
 
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