I need a man like
a fish needs a bicycle.
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30 reasons why a bike is better than a man
1. Bicycles are always game to pose for a selfie any place, any time.
2. Bicycles are available for you 24/7—no need to call or schedule in advance.
3. Bicycles won't get you pregnant.
4. Bicycles are incapable of telling you “no.”
5. Bicycles never make you feel fat. In fact, the more time you spend together, the fitter you get.
6. Bicycles love it when you're needy.
7. Bicycles live for fast girls.
8. Bicycles don't care if you've ridden bigger bikes.
9. Bicycles enjoy spending time with your friends.
10. Bicycles prefer that you ride on top.
11. Bicycles are always up to go away for the weekend.
12. Bicycles don't have crazy ex-bike baggage that will weigh you down.
13. Bicycles will never ask, "How many bikes have you ridden before me?"
14. Bicycles may be high-maintenance, but they always make you look good.
15. Bicycles are open to change. They're also happy staying the exact same.
16. Bicycles only care about the present. Forget yesterday and don't worry about tomorrow.
17. Bicycles aren't afraid of a lifelong commitment.
18. Bicycles appreciate a good lube job.
19. Bicycles welcome
spare tires.
20. Bicycles will always go at your pace.
21. Bicycles arrive at the same time as you every single time.
22. Bicycles that go flat are easy to pump up again.
23. Bicycles don't mind visiting your parents.
24. Bicycles help calm you down when you're stressed.
25. Bicycles don't hold a grudge when you're being a total bitch.
26. Bicycles don't care if you ogle at other bicycles in their presence.
27. Bicycles couldn't care less if you wear the same outfit every time you go out.
38. Bicycles won't get mad if you choose not to ride because you have a headache.
29. Bicycles love that you're going places and are happy to go with you.
30. Bicycles love you just the way you are—no added bells or whistles needed.
... and just for equality:
It is actually amazing how many appear in both versions
Why Bicycles Are Better Than Women
1. Bicycles don't get pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Suprise, you're going to own a new bicycle"
unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss
politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.
17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don't have to apologize
before you ride it again.
18. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get
sore.
19. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont
get frustrated.
20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you
dump it.
21. Bicycles don't get headaches.
22. Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
23. Your bicycle never wants a night out with other bicycles.
24. Bicycles don't care if you're late.
25. You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
26. If your bicycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better
parts.
27. You can ride your bicycle the first time you meet it without
having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bicycle is a
decent helmet.
29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you
had the last time you were on your bicycle.
