How about some true but funny stories of your past to cheer us up in these dark days

johnnyb47

Veteran
Location
Wales
Hi.
It's not much fun at the moment being stuck indoors, so how about sharing some funny/embarrassing stories from you to add a smile to our faces.
Many years ago i was really friendly with guy at work. We both shared a common interest in Ford Capris and would talk for ages down the pub about about them.
He disappeared off the radar for a year or so, and then one day at work i spotted. I went over with my other workmate and said hello and made a big fuss of him.
Now the thing is, he always had slightly receding hair and within a year i hadn't seen him, it had receded even more. As we were chatting i noticed he had some sort of black cream (almost like boot polish) on his thinning scalp. It was a really hot day and the black goo was really looking shiny and was starting to melt on his hot head.
I genuinely thought he must of had some sort of skin complaint, and i came straight out with the question"whats wrong with your head"
He mumbled something under his breath and walked away.
Turning round to my other work mate in confusion, i saw him standing there with tears rolling down his face trying to control his laughter..
I still didn't get what the problem was, until later he explained that this guy was the running joke at work because he was using black cream on his scalp to mask his thinning hair.
I felt awful when i realised and never saw him again to oppologise
 

winjim

✊🏻✊🏾 🌈 😷
Hi.
It's not much fun at the moment being stuck indoors, so how about sharing some funny/embarrassing stories from you to add a smile to our faces.
Many years ago i was really friendly with guy at work. We both shared a common interest in Ford Capris and would talk for ages down the pub about about them.
He disappeared off the radar for a year or so, and then one day at work i spotted. I went over with my other workmate and said hello and made a big fuss of him.
Now the thing is, he always had slightly receding hair and within a year i hadn't seen him, it had receded even more. As we were chatting i noticed he had some sort of black cream (almost like boot polish) on his thinning scalp. It was a really hot day and the black goo was really looking shiny and was starting to melt on his hot head.
I genuinely thought he must of had some sort of skin complaint, and i came straight out with the question"whats wrong with your head"
He mumbled something under his breath and walked away.
Turning round to my other work mate in confusion, i saw him standing there with tears rolling down his face trying to control his laughter..
I still didn't get what the problem was, until later he explained that this guy was the running joke at work because he was using black cream on his scalp to mask his thinning hair.
I felt awful when i realised and never saw him again to oppologise
What would you have said if you did meet him again? It doesn't seem like the sort of thing you'd want to bring up again, even to apologise. 'Sorry for mentioning your ridiculous boot polish barnet, baldy.'
 

Sharky

Guru
Location
Kent
When I was at school, in the lower sixth, the year above were coming to an and of their school days. I came in one morning and the leavers had been busy through the night, playing pranks...
- The games shed on the roof had been painted with the word "GENTS"
- A pair of knickers had been tied to the flagpole and hoisted to the top and the rope cut.
- An elaborate poster had been printed and pasted to the notice board . The school's initials were PGS and the notice was something to do with PiGS. Very funny, but I can't remember the exact wording.

Don't think they were caught, but our art master said he had a strong suspicion of the culprit, as he recognised the style of his art work.
 
OP
johnnyb47

johnnyb47

Veteran
Location
Wales
Another embarrassing moment for me was back in 1993 ish.
A friend of mine ended up have his prized Ford Escort XR3 stolen.
A week later me and ex wife where cruising the streets of Costa del Porthmadog in my tarmac ripping 1.6 Ford Capri when this Silver XR3 pulled out in front from a side road.
Straight away i clocked the number plate was of my mates stolen car, and went into full Bodey and Doyle mode. I unleashed all of my cars 70 horse power and overtook the XR3 and blocked the road off right in the middle of Porthmadog. The ex was well impressed with my driving skills to say the least.
I flew out the car and dragged the driver of the other car out by the scruff telling him "that cars stolen you thief" The whole street was now at a stand still with on lookers gawping. The driver was insistent it was his car and claimed he had owned it for a good year or so. It was only then i looked again closely at the XR3,s reg and realised it was one digit different.
I felt an absolute burk and pulled him up off the ground dusting him down and oppologising. I looked at my ex though the windscreen to see her cowering with embarrassment.
In all fairness to the driver, he was very understanding and saw the funny side of it.
I just remembered getting back in my car with the ex saying two words to me
"You Pillock"
 

roley poley

Senior Member
Location
leeds
one hot sunny day went out in white shorts up hill down dale overtook others on hills and felt proud to do so but wondered why they laughed as I said hi on the overtake standing on the pedals ?? Let me say brown brooks sweaty bum white shorts...…. the stain never came out in the wash BEWARE
 

Levo-Lon

Guru
Absolutely shyte faced on weed in my fiat super mirafiori driving down St Paul's road.. 1988 ish
Mate said look out for that cop car!!!

What cop car??
That fooker there with the fook off blue light on top :laugh::laugh::laugh:

I pulled over and just laughed for ages..
There were a lot of similar moments,I was a bit naughty..
 

Rooster1

I was right about that saddle
I was working in the USA and doing a exhibition in las vegas, delivering an animation I had worked on.
Customer was very very unhappy with the final result so I was sent to the customers offices in Dallas by plane.
I jumped in a Taxi at Dallas airport and was dropped off the the address I was given. (Texas Instruments)
It was a Saturday and the whole site was deserted. The client contact was not at the address.
I walked around an entire business park and across a freeway for hours and hours.
I tried calling the numbers I had been given and no answer.
I had to dump the laptop bag I was carrying in a random bush near the initiial location.
I eventually gave a random person to drive me to the nearest hotel/motel so I could use the phone and rest.
The hotel room I was given was strewn with condoms and looked like a g*ng b*ang had taken place (shame I missed it)
Exhausted, I went back to reception and asked for another room.
I eventually manage to speak to someone back at the Las Vegas event, who contacted the customer contact, who came and picked me up.
The whole episode was about 5 hours.
I then had work for 8 hours to make good my animation.
When I finally arrived back in Las Vegas on the morning of the show, I delivered the project and went to sleep.
I slept for a whole day and night without waking - 24 hrs!
 
OP
johnnyb47

johnnyb47

Veteran
Location
Wales
Another funny time again back in the early 90s
Me and the ex went out to a night club one Friday. My mate was with us and was looking for a nice young lady to dance the night away. Soon enough after a few beers his confidence grew stronger and sure enough he was strutting his stuff on the dance floor. Me and the ex where standing on an elevated platform people watching everybody enjoying themselves.
Now my mate was wearing some of those very baggy, shallots that MC Hammer used to wear (very fashionable at the time)
His biggest mistake though was that we can only imagine he going commando with not wearing any under crackers.
This girl he was dancing with was a stunner and dancing quite seductively with him..
With the combination of to much beer and this young beautiful girl he started showing signs of being amorous through his baggy shallots thinking nobody could see.
Well he was twirling around on that dance floor and it was like a light sabre. This girl started putting distance between them and kept looking at us with sheer horror as he danced drunkenly away.
By now the tears were rolling down our face and where hysterical. It was at this time my amorous mate saw us crying with laughter.
I never saw him again after that 😕
 

neil_merseyside

Über Member
Location
Wirral
Absolutely shyte faced on weed in my fiat super mirafiori driving down St Paul's road.. 1988 ish
Mate said look out for that cop car!!!

What cop car??
That fooker there with the fook off blue light on top :laugh::laugh::laugh:

I pulled over and just laughed for ages..
There were a lot of similar moments,I was a bit naughty..
And all you numpties say it doesn't alter mental performance, bit like drink drivers.
 

SpokeyDokey

64 and a little bit.
Moderator
Slightly rude one (apologies);

Years ago 'between wives' I went on an all male holiday to Athens and ended up in a nightclub. Long story short I got drunk and ended up in my hotel room with a very attractive Egyptian hooker and we got down to the bartering bit with the going rate being £75 which seemed like a lot back in the late 80's.

However, I only had £25 in cash on me at which point she unleashed some verbal abuse and stormed out never to be seen again.

In retrospect I'm glad nothing happened. :smile:
 

Phaeton

Grumpy Old Barstool
Location
Oop North (ish)
In 1993 we went to Florida MIL, FIL, BIL, wife & 2 kids, we were all sat in Denny's moving from Orlando to the Gulf Coast, when the MIL says in a not quiet voice, "Oh how I wish I was rich, I'd buy a big condom so that we could all live here", there was a bit of a hush in the diner for a couple of minutes. She'd said some pearlier over the years, god bless her.
 
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