How Stupid Are You?

[Mr Pig]

So what's the stupidist fall you've inflicted on yourself?

About three years ago I was going along a little ash track that joins the cycle track to the road, very slowly. I saw a fly on my leg, brushed it away and next think I knew I was over the bars and on the deck! I have no idea exactly what happened, the fly left the scene before I could ask, but it knocked the wind right out of me. I had to sit there for about ten minutes before I could get up. Thought I'd broken my shoulder-blade too, hurt like blazes and years later it's still not right. Split second and bang, you're down.

 

[Fnaar]

Going through a deep puddle on a very muddy track on my mtb....
Freewheeling through, bike slows to a halt, I forget to unclip from pedals, and fall sideways into puddle
No witnesses, but i was unhurt, very wet, and sat there laughing for ages.

 

[Shaun]

I've had worse falls, but the stupidest was manouvering through one of the bike chicanes (the ones designed to stop moped riding chavs from causing chaos on foot/cycle paths).

Casually rode up to chicane on brand new MTB and was waved on through by two women who were coming the other way. Swerved left, leant over to turn right and caught my bar-end in the railing. Steering twisted round throwing me off balance, and thwump ... down I went like a sack of spuds.

Winded, bruised, bewildered (happened in a split second with no time to react), and with a lovely scratch along the top-tube.

Worst part - the two women who had to help me up and check I was okay.

Talk about bruised ego!!!

 

[Alcdrew]

Many years ago.... When I was maybe 14 or 15

I had a kellogs racer, to which I attached water bottles to the front forks using jubilee clips (this was so I didn't get thirsty on my 5 mile trips I used to do), but after a while the cage came off but the clips stayed on, not sure why... but the one of the clips started clipping the spokes one day, so in my wisdom, I thought I could reach down and move the clip around without stopping. My hand then went in between the forks and the wheel, I went over the handle bars and my hand was stuck.

Luckily my friend who was with me at the time, helped remove the wheel and get my hand free, or I might still be there. Hurt like hell as well.

 

[4F]

Many many moons ago when I was a wee nipper it was Christmas day and I was out trying my state of the art Rayleigh 10 geared racer. As looked down in awe watching at how the gears changed up and down I promptly cycled into the next door neighbours parked car and buckled my front wheel

 

[gbb]

Told this one before, but..

Riding along with the wife (i on a hybrid). I saw a coke can in the road, and lifted the front wheel as i rode, and smacked it down on the can

Oh......

The can wrapped itself round the tyre, which was still turning of course, until it reached the brake calipers.
Wheel jammed, bike stopped instantly, upending me over the handlebars

It was almost acrobatic....i flew through the air, but stayed upright. Landed on my feet and walked off laughing as the bike clattered to the floor behind me. It'd take years to practice that one.

Wife rode on...too embarrassed in front of everyone else in the area at the time

 

[tdr1nka]

I've had a shoelace moment while riding in toeclips, thank god I wasn't on a busy main road at the time.

I had left the house in a rush and must have tied my laces lazily because a few minutes into my ride my left pedal started to give a bit of resistance and my shoe got tighter and tighter.
I stopped pedaling to inspect and found my laces were wrapping around the pedal arm, essentially tying my shoe to the pedal.
I found a place to pull over and stop, and the instinct to put my left foot down is thwarted by not only by the laces but the fact the toeclips meant I couldn't even turn my foot.
There was the briefest moment of pure balance and I could see what was going to happen next and so I fell to the pavement laughing. Some small bruising and few witnesses, phew!

Luckily I had a penknife on me and I was able to cut myself free or I would probably been sat on the pavement for a good 10mins trying to untangle myself!

 

[mickle]

I've had a shoelace moment while riding in toeclips, thank god I wasn't on a busy main road at the time.

I had left the house in a rush and must have tied my laces lazily because a few minutes into my ride my left pedal started to give a bit of resistance and my shoe got tighter and tighter.
I stopped pedaling to inspect and found my laces were wrapping around the pedal arm, essentially tying my shoe to the pedal.
I found a place to pull over and stop, and the instinct to put my left foot down is thwarted by not only by the laces but the fact the toeclips meant I couldn't even turn my foot.
There was the briefest moment of pure balance and I could see what was going to happen next and so I fell to the pavement laughing. Some small bruising and few witnesses, phew!

Luckily I had a penknife on me and I was able to cut myself free or I would probably been sat on the pavement for a good 10mins trying to untangle myself!

That happened to a friend of mine coming down off an overpass at speed. On a fixed wheel! The lace broke eventually.

 

[Fnaar]

Told this one before, but..

Riding along with the wife (i on a hybrid). I saw a coke can in the road, and lifted the front wheel as i rode, and smacked it down on the can

Oh......

The can wrapped itself round the tyre, which was still turning of course, until it reached the brake calipers.
Wheel jammed, bike stopped instantly, upending me over the handlebars

It was almost acrobatic....i flew through the air, but stayed upright. Landed on my feet and walked off laughing as the bike clattered to the floor behind me. It'd take years to practice that one.

Wife rode on...too embarrassed in front of everyone else in the area at the time

Excellent

 

[ColinJ]

So what's the stupidist fall you've inflicted on yourself?

I'll give you three-for-the-price-of-one!

1. I was bombing down a greasy leaf-strewn cobbled bridleway near here when it dawned on me that perhaps it wasn't such a great idea. If I had to brake on that stuff I was sure to crash, so... I slammed on my front disk brake and my front wheel instantly locked up. It slid out from under me and down I went - heavily! I did a £100 worth of damage to my winter cycling gear and took chunks out of knees, shoulders, elbows and hands. Doh!
   
   
2. I was cycling along a singletrack lane in the Forest of Bowland when I realised that the wood I'd just passed would be ideal for the pee-stop I so desperately needed. Without thinking, I tried to do a U-turn in a road that was far too narrow, stalled, had a can't-unclip moment and landed heavily on my right knee. It was so painful that I lay in the road, still clipped in, and peed myself !
   
   
3. A few days after hurting my right knee, I was again out on my road bike in the sunshine. I was very fit, lean and tanned and I thought I looked so coooooool on my bike. I was on a lane coming to a T-junction with the A646 near Hebden Bridge. There is a slope up to the junction. A sports-car was ahead of me waiting for a break in the traffic to turn right. I wanted to turn right too, so I pulled up on the left side of the car and put a foot down. The car had its top down and there were two attractive young women sitting in it. I had mirrored sunglasses on and I knew they couldn't see my eyes, so though apparently looking straight ahead, I was in reality eyeing up the women. A gap was about to appear in the traffic and the car started to inch forward so I pressed down hard on my right pedal and went to clip in my left foot. Unfortunately the uphill slope brought me to a standstill just as I got it in and I toppled over onto my left knee, still clipped in. This time I didn't pee myself, but the women were laughing so much that I reckon they might have .

 

[tdr1nka]

That happened to a friend of mine coming down off an overpass at speed. On a fixed wheel! The lace broke eventually.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

wearing look road cleats on a mountain bike is probably daft enough, but trying to honk up a cobbled canal tow-path swop bridge, losing grip, and sliding back down again, clipped in, was a sublime moment of idiocy

 

[ColinJ]

Oh, another mountain biking one...

I was out on my first ride on my new mountain bike. Up on the hills I encountered a guy from Keighley who said that he'd show me some good bridleways so I decided to ride with him for an hour or two. Eventually, we came to a long fast stretch of bridleway and he really blasted down it ahead of me. There were big boulders all around and in front of us was a huge muddy lake of a puddle in a dip. He carved his way through the puddle and shot up the slope on the other side. I was about 50 metres behind and hit the puddle at full speed. My front wheel dug down into the mud and I was launched into the air over the bars. I seemed to be in the air for seconds and screamed in terror as I plummeted down towards two big boulders. I landed face down in thick mud between the boulders so, amazingly, I was completely uninjured. As I prised myself out of the mud looking like The Creature from the Black Lagoon, I heard the sound of riotous applause. I looked up to see a big group of mountain bikers sitting on the grass behind the boulders eating sandwiches. One guy shouted out - "F***ing brilliant mate - do it again!"

 

[tdr1nka]

I posted this story in a longer from at the beginning of the year and got loads of grief for my actions, it was many years ago and I'd hope that both cyclists involved would behave very differently today.

This still has to be the funniest of my spills to date.

Having to swerve in the p*ssing rain to avoid a serious roadie who's crank had just snapped and was stood in the road in just shorts and a jersey.
I locked up my front and flew past him bunny hopping twice before falling into the traffic.
Roadie was still stood in the road too busy with his bike to show any concern even saying 'F*ck off my cranks snapped' when I asked him for some help getting out of the road!.

I pick up my bike to find front wheel buckled and b*ggered so I carry bike away on my shoulder.

Roadie shouts back after me and somehow his shorts have ripped from the waist down to the leg and he was going 'commando'!

Poor sod, God knows where he had to get to in that state but as he had been rude and showed no concern at all for my crashing in struggling not to hit him etc. I carried on home with a flicker of a smile.

 

[Maz]

Certainly the most embarrassing clipless moment was when I went on a cycle ride with some work colleagues. We stopped at several pubs to rehydrate (and I don't drink). As I tried to unclip, I fell over along to a chorus of jeers. "Maz - why are you falling over? you're not even drinking!!"