How to dispatch of halls cleaners

[thomas]

Our cleaner in halls used to be chatty, and provide a good bit of banter, however, she has recently been possessed by some demon or another, I am sure of it. Her cleaning routine now comprises of her whining, accidently knocking her hoover into our doors before loudly apologising, knowing full well most of us are recovering from hangovers. The standard of cleaning can only be described as shoddy, coupled with the complaining, it's frankly not worth the hassel of having a cleaner. She has now taken to reporting us every time the kitchen is a mess, usually because we have had some party or another the night before, which we always clean up ourselves, just not before she reaches it.

So, my question, what is the quickest, most humane way to assassinate a cleaner. All suggestions will be taken into account.

Put a quid in each and buy her some flowers/wine/chocolates and a card to say how thankful you are to have her.

I don't really blame her for being annoyed if the kitchen is a mess. She's presumably got to clean the surfaces, and if she's having to move all your stuff around it'll take her forever. No wonder she's getting annoyed.

Our cleaner was lovely and I'd always have a chat with her and things when I saw her. We had our sinks cleaned each week, and we were meant to move all our stuff away so that it was easier (fair enough). A few times I forgot but she'd just move them as I was nice to her. I know there was one guy I lived with, complete arse who hadn't seen a days work in his life, and she'd just wake him up and get him to do it (good for her though).


So yeah, buy her a present and make her life easy. Make her feel appreciated; having a cleaner on your side in halls is a real advantage!

 

[HelenD123]

We befriended our cleaner in halls and invited her to one of our parties once. Next morning she came in and cleared up all the mess! Not that we expected this of her at all. We were really lucky to have such a good relationship with her. In fact, when we moved into another block the following year she requested a transfer to that block as she knew we were reasonably tidy and wouldn't take the p*ss.

In my first year we arranged a Christmas dinner for the whole floor. One thing led to another and it turned into a massive food fight, think splodges of margarine all over the walls. With hindsight we should have put a note on the kitchen door telling the cleaners not to go in to give us a chance to tidy up but of course they came in the next morning while we were all sleeping off our hangovers . Montage - maybe the next time you have a party put a note up apologising and say you'll clean it up. It sounds like there's a good chance her grumpiness is nothing directly to do with you and your housemates though. Hope you're enjoying uni!

 

[subaqua]

3. Buy some jazz records.

4. When she bashes the door with her vacuum, simply say 'enter' in a commanding voice. When she sees you in your dressing gown and riding gear 'mother nature' will take care of the rest. The jazz records will add an air of sophistication to the ensuing events and stop you feeling like a used kleenex

Report back when your mission is complete.

I bet he has Jazz mags already.

and maybe its the used kleenex the cleaner found ??

 

[asterix]

Altho only in halls for one year I am sure there wasn't a cleaner involved.

The state of our accomodation was such that cleaning my bike in the kitchen had no visible effect.

When I worked and had my own office there was a cleaner who invariably wore a mini-skirt and had the legs for it. Some distractions at work are more tolerable than others.

 

[PoweredByVeg]

Well old boy, I suggest taking her out into the grounds, give her a 10 second start then unload Daddy's Purdey into her (you know, the spare shotgun Daddy told you to keep under the bed in case the oiks started answering back!)

Dash it! What with lackeys 10 a penny these days, one doesn't have to be awoken from their post prandial slumber by the staff