I will sue God. And win.

[Boris Bajic]

I cycled today from out Malvern way to Hay-on-Wye for the Bookietalk Culture Thingy.

I had to be there for one-ish, but kept putting it off as trees outside my front door were bending over in a scary way. In the end I had to just go, as I was collecting a car from one of the kids, who'd borrowed it. It all had to be very carefully timed.

Windy? Windy? Are you having a laugh?

I took the fixed-gear because I'd been working on it and it was looking yummy.

It was not yummy. At one point I was doing 5mph up a huge hill into a headwind of about 350mph. Even the descents were scary and unenjoyable. I didn't crack 30mph.

I was blown all over the road and back again. It was hell. Literally. Squared.

Anyway, God is facing a massive claim. Massive. I did not enjoy the ride one bit. Only about 45 miles, but every one of them was horrid.

I expect to win my case. If God wore boots, he'd be quaking in them.

 

[Radchenister]

Rule #5 and #9 !

 

[Radchenister]

He will of course be let off or he'll have to pay all those insurance claims for his actions as well !

 

[Boris Bajic]

[QUOTE 2470779, member: 30090"]Did you ride back?[/quote]

No. I was collecting a car. I said that.

You weren't reading carefully enough. I'm suing you as well. Twice.

My legs still hurt. I'll sue you three times. Because I want to.

 

[ayceejay]

Were there any books over there that explained hell. Literally. Squared.

 

[Boris Bajic]

Were there any books over there that explained hell. Literally. Squared.

I'm not sure, because I listened first to a Cambridge academic who said that we (the Allies) were letting Stalin have limited snippets from Ultra but that he thought they were faked so he paid them no heed but they were being picked up by the Abwehr and then picked up again by Colossus and turned back into Ultra end product so we weren't really sure whether it was what he was getting from us that he found credible or what he thought he was getting from agents he had within the Abwehr who were really just re-hashing intercepted snippets of Ultra that had been fed to him or sneaked to him by fellow travellers working at SOE Cairo who were cleared for Ultra but nobody knew they were or whether perhaps the information that the Abwehr were getting from Moscow was a false lead or just proof that Stalin didn't take it seriously and was allowing it to be fed into the Wehrmacht war machine or whether perhaps it was somebody in Hamburg or just a civilian who was putting the wrong things in the bin.

Then I fell asleep and was back in the literal hell of that headwind. Literally. Cubed!

 

[ayceejay]

A head wind on the way back too. Le Carre squared.

 

[Dave 123]

Cambridge academics are unable to tie shoelaces. Please don't listen to them.

 

[Pedrosanchezo]

As the legal representative of the man himself i release the following:

The big G man argues that you taking the fixed gear bike out, in questionable weather, was not only foolish but in fact the real reason that your bike ride was not "yummy".
He suggests that the 5mph up the steep hill was merely a result of limited gearing and leg strength.
The descending being "scary and unenjoyable" because you couldn't stop pedalling and your poor legs were trying to keep up at 180rpm. A feat almost impossible after the strain of the 12rpm attempted climb up previously stated "steep hill".

In summary my client will be pushing for this case to be thrown out within 5 mins of the hearing and fully expects you to pay for your inability to MTFU. You can expect thunderstorms, hail and tornadoes to follow you around for the rest of the year as punishment. Please stay away from Scotland! We don't need any help with the weather.

 

[jowwy]

I'm not sure, because I listened first to a Cambridge academic who said that we (the Allies) were letting Stalin have limited snippets from Ultra but that he thought they were faked so he paid them no heed but they were being picked up by the Abwehr and then picked up again by Colossus and turned back into Ultra end product so we weren't really sure whether it was what he was getting from us that he found credible or what he thought he was getting from agents he had within the Abwehr who were really just re-hashing intercepted snippets of Ultra that had been fed to him or sneaked to him by fellow travellers working at SOE Cairo who were cleared for Ultra but nobody knew they were or whether perhaps the information that the Abwehr were getting from Moscow was a false lead or just proof that Stalin didn't take it seriously and was allowing it to be fed into the Wehrmacht war machine or whether perhaps it was somebody in Hamburg or just a civilian who was putting the wrong things in the bin.

Then I fell asleep and was back in the literal hell of that headwind. Literally. Cubed!

, and . would make this easier to read - i'm suing you for lack of punctuation. Please make your case for the defence

 

[paul04]

At one point I was doing 5mph up a huge hill into a headwind of about 350mph

Very good, made my day reading that, if you do get any compensation from God, any chance of sharing it with everyone, if you lose, you can keep any comeuppance God gives you

 

[classic33]

As the legal representative of the man himself i release the following:

The big G man argues that you taking the fixed gear bike out, in questionable weather, was not only foolish but in fact the real reason that your bike ride was not "yummy".
He suggests that the 5mph up the steep hill was merely a result of limited gearing and leg strength.
The descending being "scary and unenjoyable" because you couldn't stop pedalling and your poor legs were trying to keep up at 180rpm. A feat almost impossible after the strain of the 12rpm attempted climb up previously stated "steep hill".

In summary my client will be pushing for this case to be thrown out within 5 mins of the hearing and fully expects you to pay for your inability to MTFU. You can expect thunderstorms, hail and tornadoes to follow you around for the rest of the year as punishment. Please stay away from Scotland! We don't need any help with the weather.

So you have the big man on your side, but don't want to upset mother nature any more than you already have. Just in case!
Sounds confusing

 

[Boris Bajic]

Oh dear... I just heard from His real lawyer (His REAL lawyer, not a CC member pulling my leg).

It turns out that the weather I faced on my journey was an Act of God.

Well, Doh! I knew that, which is why I was going to sue. But apparently because it was an Act of God, I cannot go to law over it.

This sounds absurd. The guy I spoke to wasn't an actual lawyer, as the Big Fella doesn't have any of those, but he'd read a book and told me it was so.

Apparently, all the lawyers are in 'the other place' and work for 'the other chap'. I wasn't too sure what this meant, but it seemed to make God's chaps pretty cross.

Anyway... Act of God... can't sue. Ridilulous. I bet that came from Strasbourg or Brussells.

Another reason to vote for UKIP, surely!

 

[Cycleops]

That'll teach you to believe in God, ride a fixie and vote UKIP! Or maybe not.

 

[Ningishzidda]

The weather you experienced was an 'Act of Nature'.

The 'Big G' man,, I call him "The creator of all." Well, its a myth that goes back eons. No-one can show any evidence, but I reckon its just a simple way of explaining physics when one knows bugger all about physics.
What are gods, with a small g are,,,, Well, to quote Clarke

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic", and there's plenty of evidence to show there were 'sufficiently advanced technologies' on Earth for man to describe as 'magic'.​