Ideas to Improve Sport

[Stevo 666]

Formula 1 - no rules on the choice of propulsion unit and 'Bodicea' spikes on the wheels.

 

[KingstonGraham]

I stand corrected !
I did read they used to have tug o war in the olden days but then it got dropped. Great that it's now back in

When I say GB are "current champions", they have held it for over a hundred years.

 

[Animo]

Toff hunting.

A red-faced member of the landed gentry is pursued across the countryside by plebs on horseback and a pack of dogs. When caught, the aristo is torn to shreds by the dogs.

 

[gbb]

800 metre relay - a random sample of competitors water bottles to be spiked with fast acting laxative.

Sar here literally laughing out loud at that one

 

[gbb]

Snooker..a random ball be filled with black soot and explodes when it gets struck

 

[matticus]

Team GB are the current Olympic Tug of War champions.

I saw a "match" (contest? bout? tug?) out somewhere like Cambridgeshire a month back. Middle of nowhere, bunch of cars and tents in a field, and two teams heavin' and a-hollerin'.

Proper warmed my heart, made me proud to be British!

 

[Profpointy]

When I say GB are "current champions", they have held it for over a hundred years.

Ah I see

 

[Dogtrousers]

My dad had a trophy for winning a tug of war contest. No idea when. Probably army or rugby club related. He never passed me any athletic genes.

 

[Ian H]

My father did tell me about a works cricket match, long, long ago, where the bowler bowled a slow easy ball at the batsman, encouraging him to really swing at it. Only the bowler had substituted an orange for the ball.

 

[cyberknight]

football
fine the whole team from their wages every time they let in a goal

 

[cyberknight]

Brockian Ultra-Cricket is a curious game which involves suddenly hitting people for no readily apparent reason and then running away. "Let's be blunt, it's a nasty game," says The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Mice love this game.

While a complete list of rules has only ever been assembled once (and the book containing the assembled rules promptly collapsed into a black hole), some of the rules are as follows:

• Rule One: Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need them, but it keeps the crowds amused.
• Rule Two: Find one extremely good Brockian Ultra Cricket player. Clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of tedious selection and training.
• Rule Three: Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall around them. The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it really is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.
• Rule Four: Throw lots of assorted items of sporting equipment over the wall for the players. Anything will do – cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.
• Rule Five: The players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a “hit” on another player, he should immediately run away as fast as he can and apologize from a safe distance. Apologies should be concise, sincere, and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.
• Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that wins.

 

[Ian H]

How about banning all national teams, anthem singing, flag-waving and that kind of thing.

 

[Moon bunny]

How about banning all national teams, anthem singing, flag-waving and that kind of thing.

Now you’re just being silly.

 

[Drago]

How about banning all national teams, anthem singing, flag-waving and that kind of thing.

The North Korean defector man hunting sniper team would be jolly upset at that suggestion.

 

[Drago]

Fencing - competitors to use baseball bats.