IOS 12 Keyboard Rant

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mustang1

Guru
Location
London, UK
Not as bad as the bloody paperclip

On a recent commercial flight, i noticed the flight computers were 'upgraded' to a certain OS which has a paperclip. During an emergency (in fact, all 4 engines cut out due to volcanic ash), the paper clip popped up saying it has detected an emergency and would the pilot like to restart the engines.

"Hell yes I would" the captain replied.
"Yes I would" the captain said again.
"Hello? Yes, start the engines!"
"Damn it what the hell, start the engines"
While the airplane is now on a vaguely controlled dive, the computer tells the pilot to say "you must say Ok Computer".
The pilot responds:
"ok computer, restart the engines"
"Error: you cannot restart engines that are already powered off. You can start them if you like. Would you like that?"
"Yes!"
"Please do not shout at me."
"Yes, please start the engines."
"Which engine would you like to start first?"
"uhm, number one."
"You do not seem very sure."
"yes yes please please start engine number one."
"Are you sure?"
"yes, please start it, start it now, please just do it".
"Just do it. Searching for Nike Just do it. Found. Would you like to be transferred to you YouTube?"
"What? No. No Youtube, Just start the engines damn it!"
"Searching youtube for Just start the Fire"
"No! Start the effing engines what the hell is wrong with you?"
"The engines are stopped. It looks like you are in flight but the engines are powered off. I would suggest you power them on. Would you like to do that now?"
"Oh ffs yes start the effing engines!!!"
"Ok. Emergency detected. Attempting to start engine number one. Do you need a progress bar for that?"
"Yes, er no, er just ... err.. "
"It appears like you are losing altitude. I have detected the speed is too low. Checking engine configuration. Engines rpm is low. Checking faults....."
"Come on come on come on.. damn it let's start them manually."
"Hello, I am your paperclip. You can call me Bob! How are you today? There is a mountain ahead and you still seem to be going downwards. Is there a problem? Would you like me to automatically detect it for you?"
"AAAAGHGHGH HHAAHAHAOJ JEF)UEJ EF HEI"
"Memory fault. Rebooting computer. I'll be right back...."
 
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