As I opened the front door to go out, everything in the hall went backwards like some giant hand had tipped the house. The dog immediately transformed into a sleak streamlined black missile on legs which was being tested in a wind tunnel. Outside amongst the frenetic pinball of litter a slow armada of parents and offspring tacked their way towards school, toddlers and lunchboxes set to a broad reach. A bus stop sign got fed up with waiting and took off after a passing taxi. And me? I packed the missile in the car and went to the woods to play chicken.