One of my neighbours is a forty year old woman with Downs Syndrome. She's about four foot nothing, has a mouth full of rotting teeth in a squashed up ugly, but curiously cute face and takes a schadenfreudian delight in embarrassing people in public places. Needless to say, her hide is as thick as a hippo's! I was out with her yesterday and while we were browsing in the hushed halls of our local Waterstones, she suddenly cocked her leg and emitted the loudest and most dribblesome fart you ever did hear. All other browsers looked round: I could feel myself going red. "MARY!" I exclaimed in mock indignation. "It's my hobby," she replied, beaming at me. "Well, take up stamp collecting instead then." Was the best I could think of.