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It's my hobby...

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by betty swollocks, 23 Sep 2007.

  1. betty swollocks

    betty swollocks large member

    One of my neighbours is a forty year old woman with Downs Syndrome. She's about four foot nothing, has a mouth full of rotting teeth in a squashed up ugly, but curiously cute face and takes a schadenfreudian delight in embarrassing people in public places. Needless to say, her hide is as thick as a hippo's!

    I was out with her yesterday and while we were browsing in the hushed halls of our local Waterstones, she suddenly cocked her leg and emitted the loudest and most dribblesome fart you ever did hear. All other browsers looked round: I could feel myself going red.
    "MARY!" I exclaimed in mock indignation.
    "It's my hobby," she replied, beaming at me.
    "Well, take up stamp collecting instead then." Was the best I could think of.
     
  2. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

    What's wrong with farting in public as a hobby? May I ask you to direct her to my clubs web site where there is a wealth of information and will help her to get in touch with many like minded people:

    www.ukpublicfarters.org.uk
     
  3. stevenb

    stevenb New Member

    Location:
    South Beds.
    :biggrin:

    I am a current member of

    www.whoopsijustfollowedthru.com
     
  4. Elmer Fudd

    Elmer Fudd Miserable Old Bar Steward

    That, Betty, has made my day, PMSL, tears in eyes !!!
     
  5. betty swollocks

    betty swollocks large member

    had to Google PMSL.

    Glad you enjoyed it.:biggrin:
     
  6. Chuffy

    Chuffy Veteran

    The lady has talent and should be encouraged. :biggrin:
     
  7. Melvil

    Melvil Standard nerd

    Very recently, on a train from Spain to France, I let off possibly the most evilest fart in the entire world, I was appalled with myself but prayed that it wouldn't spread.

    However, a few seconds later I heard a kiwi voice behind me going 'oh my god....oh jesus....who is that....oh man.'

    Several others joined in.

    I hid behind my book.

    In my view it takes real courage to own up to a fart and, since I valued my life, there was no way I was going to own up to this!!
     
  8. Slim

    Slim Über Member

    Location:
    Plough Lane
    Timing is everything.

    Was in the car with my little brother years ago. I'd just closed the windows after pressing the button to start the car wash (one of those with loads of waters sprays and revolving brushes) when I let rip an absolutely huge trouser cough.

    Cue loads of tears - his from the sheer nastiness of the odour; mine from laughter.
     
  9. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Location:
    O' slO'
    Loaded up on beer, Bratwurst and sourkraut(sp) at the Oktoberfest in Munich many years ago, I was heading into the city on the local train 'talking' to some tramp when some suited chap got on the train. I was absolutley bursting for a fart, but KNEW how BAD it would be. :biggrin::blush: But I couldn't hold it in: I slowly slowly I released it, in all its it fragrant glory, and continued nonchalantly to talk to the tramp. The odour eventually reached the nostils of my fellow-passengers, and ALL bar ONE reacted. I too feigned disgust, cos I felt that a lynch mob might be sent out to find the guilty party. Only the suited fellow didn't seem affected (he must have had a cold, or something) and the tramp noticed this. Loudly and accusingly he shouted something like 'Was ist das stinken? Was das Sie?' at the suited man. The whole compartment was staring daggers at him, I was just concentrating on not pi$$ing myself laughing or, worse, farting even more. Fukking hell, it was funny!
     
  10. alecstilleyedye

    alecstilleyedye nothing in moderation Staff Member

    as a lad i went to cubs, and at the end of the night we'd all stand in a circle while arkela said a prayer. mid prayer, anonymous, raspberry type fart. amazingly, composure was kept till end of the prayer, and after that about 5 minutes of 8 year olds giggling incessantly.

    still brings a smile to my face that one.
     
  11. CycleWidow

    CycleWidow New Member

    Location:
    Aberdeen
    LOL:biggrin:

    No1 Son Harry, in the queue for the coffee shop in our local Sainsburys announced at full volume:

    "mummy I just farted!":tongue:

    then a pause...

    "its really smelly!!!!!!"

    He was in fits of giggles, knowing full well what he has done and said. I was red with embarrassment but trying my best not to laugh. He is two and a half, by the way!
    I blame his father who is forever saying "Harry, pull my finger!" need I say more?!
     
  12. stevenb

    stevenb New Member

    Location:
    South Beds.
    Talking of bottom burps...my stomachs churning them out now...by jove it's warm and swampy in here....:biggrin:
     
  13. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

    Used to go to Karate with my dad and brother when I was about 13 or 14, had to do an exercise where you just jumped up and down on the spot and my brother was letting out a little cheeky squeaky one every time he landed, I was just pissing myself. :biggrin:
     
  14. Nortones2

    Nortones2 Über Member

    Compulsory church attendance: younger brother let rip on hard wooden pew. Echo most impressive, nuns mortified and the Canon murderous. Silent tears of joy, partly because of the sound effects but also Schadenfreude.....
     
  15. When I lived back up in Warwickshire, one of the guys on the Sunday morning ride was a veggie, and you made damn sure you weren't next in line when he'd had one of his Saturday night home made veggie currysxx(:biggrin: