Just been questioned by the plod over 'driving erratically'

[Accy cyclist]

That is the suspicious behaviour right there. Exactly what a drunk driver would try (and fail) to do.

So those who drive like they're taking their test are now seen as possible drink drivers?

 

[HMS_Dave]

So those who drive like they're taking their test are now seen as possible drink drivers?

Perhaps the copper took a chance in the hope he would be pulling over Geoffrey Boycott for his autograph but was left disappointed?

 

[Smokin Joe]

So those who drive like they're taking their test are now seen as possible drink drivers?

Nah, I reckon the copper was a cyclechatter who recognised you and wanted to read the thread he knew you'd start.

Driving like you are on your test doesn't help either, nervous, hesitant and a bit jerky. You probably looked like you were some incompetent old boy who was a bit past it.

 

[tyred]

Were you playing your Max Bygraves cassette at full volume?

 

[Eric Olthwaite]

Just been questioned by the plod over 'driving erratically'

I had this once.
Plod asked, "have you been drinking?"
I replied, "Of course I fn have, do you think I would drive like this if I was sober?"

EDIT - I 'm feeling a bit guilty after 3 likes and feel I ought to admit that I nicked this joke. Derek and Clive I think?

 

[Drago]

Were you playing your Max Bygraves cassette at full volume?

You mean his in dash gramophone. None of this new fangled 8 track rubbish for our Accy.

 

[Mr Celine]

So those who drive like they're taking their test are now seen as possible drink drivers?

You were only going to the local supermarket but on the way you reversed round a corner, did a three point turn, a hill start and an emergency stop even though there was nothing there... no wonder he had a word with you.

 

[Accy cyclist]

Were you playing your Max Bygraves cassette at full volume?

No,i was playing my Helen Ward CD and on volume level 4 out of a possible 10.🧐

 

[Accy cyclist]

I drove down to my local pub last night for one pint of mild,a banana and a chin wag. I was hoping the plod might be outside waiting for me. If they were i'd have put on a swagger and almost fallen into my car. I bet if they had been there and seen me do that they'd have thought they'd won equivalent to the plod station's weekly lottery draw jackpot!

 

[raleighnut]

My journey home was around 3.5 miles. As for catching up with me,they were parked in oncoming traffic at some road works lights. Funnily enough as I turned right I wondered where they were off to. Then as I parked up I saw them drive into the bay on my right. When they got out they approached me and a told me about the report they'd received. I don't think they'd been specifically looking for me,but they got lucky and spotted me.

That sounds like 'copper speak' to me, the "Oh we've had reports" is just something said to justify talking to you (there has to be a 'reason' you 'came to their attention' for it to be 'legal')

 

[raleighnut]

I had this once.
Plod asked, "have you been drinking?"
I replied, "Of course I fn have, do you think I would drive like this if I was sober?"

EDIT - I 'm feeling a bit guilty after 3 likes and feel I ought to admit that I nicked this joke. Derek and Clive I think?

Charlie Drake, with Jim Davidson,

Warning NSFW

View: https://youtu.be/Y6XoPn7dKvY


Both notorious pissheads

 

[raleighnut]

I had this once.
Plod asked, "have you been drinking?"
I replied, "Of course I fn have, do you think I would drive like this if I was sober?"

EDIT - I 'm feeling a bit guilty after 3 likes and feel I ought to admit that I nicked this joke. Derek and Clive I think?

Charlie Drake, with Jim Davidson,

Warning NSFW

View: https://youtu.be/Y6XoPn7dKvY


Both notorious pissheads

 

[steveindenmark]

I was in a similar position. I was the police officer. I young man who I stopped was just gobby, I did not suspect him of being drunk and did not request a breath test. But he was playing up to his mates and insisted I breathalysed him. So to shut him up I did and he was positive. In court he brought his mates for support. I really enjoyed explaining to the judge that I had no grounds to suspect he had been drinking and had the accused not inist on a breath test, he would not be standing in the dock. I wonder if gobby learnt a lesson that day. The judge loved it.

 

[Craig the cyclist]

I was riding a Yamaha XJ900 to work for a night shift in Swindon, and was pulled by two coppers in a car who said I was going too fast. Naturally, I argued with them saying I was within the limit.

The older Sgt explained the younger would give me a lecture about road safety and asked what I did for a job. I told him I was a nurse going to work a night shift in A+E. This prompted 10 minutes of 'you should know about the dangers of speeding blah blah' from the Sgt, I must have looked bored because they started going over the bike and when I pointed out I would be late was told by the Sgt that sometimes people just have to wait and some things are more important. That paperwork and proper questioning was vital for policing and being a nurse did not get me a get out of jail free card and that if anyone was left waiting it would be my fault for not co-operating.

About 5 hours later, now in full A+E mode, I was asked to triage a police Sgt from the pair in reception because he had carelessly shut his hand in the door of a police car............ I made him wait over an hour before my assessment was done, carefully doing all the paperwork really slowly, making him answer every possible question I could think of before giving him a lecture on how rushing can be dangerous, and ultimately end up wasting NHS time on minor, self-inflicted, injuries brought about by carelessness, and that I was sure he would feel dreadful if people were now left waiting because of his own personal carelessness.

It was delicious.*


*Yes, and massively unprofessional and pointless, but it made me feel a lot better

 

[DRM]

I recall my dad saying he’d been stopped in the lorry on his way back to the yard, apparently the probationary WPC stepped into the road and stuck a hand up, only to be grabbed by the scruff of the neck and dragged back onto the path by the VOSA bloke she was with, she went off on one demanding that the vehicle be taken to the weighbridge which was the reason they were there, and was most upset to be shown inside the back which was empty, and even more upset when both the VOSA and supervising Traffic Officer both told her it’s a good job it was empty because if it hadn’t been you’d have been run over and don’t ever pull a stunt like that again, before being made to apologize for causing an emergency stop, and nearly a pile up of following cars and lorries