Just got a steep warning.

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screenman

Legendary Member
I don't want another bike. Just sayin'

Same here.
 

Levo-Lon

Guru
I still feel guilty sometimes, spending my own spare money and time, purely on my own enjoyment.

But I'm getting much better at it - with practice :angel:

Having said that, I still get a lot of enjoyment from being generous towards others, with my resources too.

It's all about finding a reasonable balance I guess.

And being as fair, and as honest as possible, about what's going on :okay:


Men tend to be secretive, they will often hide the truth to cover their inadequacies, habits and plain old unfaithfulness..it's in our make up sadly.

But some of us do try and do the right thing.
I once fell madly in love with a woman who was the most scheming conniving liar you could hope Not to meet, she manipulated everyone.
Took me nearly a year to figure it out.
Fortunately I kept my house and she went happily onto her next victim.

Some people are just bad, mean or simply just broken
 
D

Deleted member 26715

Guest
Is she not allowed to be an individual, her own person as well as part of a couple?
Where did I say that? I just find the what's mine is mine mentality in a relationship very strange, we're a partnership we do things together.
 
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mudsticks

Obviously an Aubergine
Probably, but there appears to be a lot of me & her rather than us.

I guess it depends on the relationship, different ppl have different ideas, as to how a relationship 'works' .

But I think a lot of it, is how these things are spoken about.

You still hear a lot of

'her indoors'
'the missus'
'She won't let me do so and so'

Type talk,
which sounds really antiquated to many of us.
Most of the time that stuff isn't even true, it's just tired old tropes, trotted out for a bit of sympathy, from the guys, like in the olden days down the pub.

It just sounds a bit odd to those of us with different ways of being.

That's what's so fascinating (to me) about discussions like this.

It's like sitting in the 'other' corner of the pub, with the guys who are often talking about the footie, or whatever.

I'd never normally 'go there' but this is almost like naughty eavesdropping :angel:

Is she not allowed to be an individual, her own person as well as part of a couple?

You see a lot of what could be called unhealthy co-dependancy, or controlling behaviour, in many relationships, from both sides, whatever the gender make up of the couple.

I agree individual identity, interests, resources etc, as well as stuff done together makes for the best mix.
But that's only my personal view.
Men tend to be secretive, they will often hide the truth to cover their inadequacies, habits and plain old unfaithfulness..it's in our make up sadly.

But some of us do try and do the right thing.
I once fell madly in love with a woman who was the most scheming conniving liar you could hope Not to meet, she manipulated everyone.
Took me nearly a year to figure it out.
Fortunately I kept my house and she went happily onto her next victim.

Some people are just bad, mean or simply just broken

Yes there are a lot of messed up people out there, I can't claim to always have been the absolute best version of human saintliness myself.

It's not an excuse for bad behaviour, more a 'reason' but a lot of ppl get right royally screwed up in terms of how to run a relationship by the examples, they've been set, or messages they've received, or damage done to them.

It's a wonder that so many of us do manage to make, or maintain livable relationships.
 
Location
London
Maybe, but it's interesting that you never hear women making similarly banterish references about their male partners.
mm - you should maybe sit in on a few of their natterings.
anything else the female half (or thereabouts) of the human population NEVER does?

>>Maybe cos women don't look for a father replacement in their partners?
another generalisation I'm afraid.
No idea what proportion, pretty small I would have thought for sure but your statement is somewhat absolutist.
Never known a woman with daddy issues?

This can manifest itself in lots of ways - some even cycling positive - I well remember once getting an odd approving look from a woman as I fettled in my incompetent (but maybe from a certain angle accomplished looking) way with a bike. Sometimes men can even have intuition you know and I swear I had a blinding insight that this recalled her dad who was far handier than bumbling me will ever be - he had mysterious bits of factory lathe stuff in the garage and I am sure given a bit of time could have lathed a railway engine.

PS - saw one of your posts upthread I think - sounds like you two are well sorted. Good stuff.
 
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mudsticks

Obviously an Aubergine
No, quite right, but what baffles me is WHY a partner would be bothered about it if money and storage space were not problems.

Actually, since my other post, I did think of a logical reason why a partner might object. If there were an agreement that the couple should live a frugal, more 'green' lifestyle then I think it would be reasonable to point out that having 37 bikes is not actually that green and certainly isn't frugal!

"How about giving an extra £2,000 to Help The Aged instead?" sounds a lot more acceptable than "Don't you DARE buy that!"

As @Julia9054 suggested above, having a partner act as a surrogate mum is not an appealing prospect. I loved my late mum to bits, but I don't want someone to act in her place and treat me as if I am back at school!
I guess sometimes it may be unexpressed resentment.

If one person in the relationship feels (whether rightly or wrongly) that they're not getting a fair deal, or haven't done in the past, then they may object to the purchase.

Same with having time off from domestic responsibilities to do ones thing.
 

keithmac

Guru
Me and my wife have a Joint account where the bills etc come out of, money's never been an issue (even though it's hard work at the moment due to to various things).

I've done a few bits and pieces to the house out of my own pocket but it's our house to enjoy with our children.

I think in the OP's case is his wife refusing for a genuine reason or just out of badness?. That would be the biggest question.

We discuss big purchases but I can't ever recall hearing or saying no to any..
 
OP
OP
gavroche

gavroche

Getting old but not past it
Location
North Wales
I think in the OP's case is his wife refusing for a genuine reason or just out of badness?. That would be the biggest question.
My wife didn't actually say no, it is just that she can't understand the concept of having multiple bikes. As I already have three, she thinks anymore is a waste of money.
 
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