Kids are little S####

[fossyant]

Off into School this PM.

On-going bullying problem with my son (and others)...

Been going on since Reception Class, my son is now 9. Initially teachers said it was my son lying. Anyway, this has simmered for a number of years, but recently, there appears to have been an escallation of 'incidents' from a particular boy in my son's class.

This week we discovered my son had been spending his whole lunch locked in the toilet cubicle reading books to avoid this kid.

My wife was chatting to a few parents yesterday, and it has come out the same boy is causing more problems, and my son's best friend is also being bullied (was even threttened if he told anyone) - fortunately, that boy had confided in his parents.

Let's say, I shall not be amused this afternoon. The 'problem' kid has a dad who had a horrendous reputation at school (we went to the same school). Shame really, and the kid's mum is really nice, but obviously oblivious.

Time has come that this has to stop NOW.

The kids are 9...if it's got this bad now, how much worse will it get. My usual answer to bullies is to smack them back much harder, but that's not right. so far my son hasn't responded, although he is a Blue belt in Karate - he daren't hit him back as he knows the school would chuck him out of the club. Usual case of the one who hits back get's the blame.

 

[snakehips]

Hope it goes well. I'm always amazed that the teachers can't spot this sort of thing , especially after it has been reported to them.

Snake

My Library

 

[PBancroft]

As a kid who was bullied at school, all I can say is that there is no easy answer.

Best of luck.

 

[ttcycle]

Foss, I hope this gets sorted for your kids sake. There is no easy answer though as bullies choose their moments wisely for opimum effect.

Good luck

 

[Globalti]

We have the same problem with our son aged 10. There's a lad who lives in our street and has been diagnosed with all kinds of acronyms. He wasn't getting on well at his school and so our huge regret Mrs Gti encouraged his parents to send him to my son's school, where he ended up in the same class. It then turned out that one of the lad's problems is that he's a rather vicious psychological tormentor but by then my wife and son were bringing him home in the afternoons. The school day and the drive home quickly became a nightmare for my son and wife so I got the job of trotting down the road to have a chat with the father, who either didn't believe his son was a bully or knew it but was hoping the new school would benefit him. The lad's mother had just lost her job so I told them we couldn't bring him home, now she collects him and studiously avoids all contact. We suspect both parents are very fond of the sauce, which won't be helping their lad, who is an only child.

We've had a meeting with his teacher and the deputy head who know all about it and have taken some steps to deal with it but they won't expel the lad because they need the fees!

My cycling buddy has an older son at the same school and he has also been bullied by a lad who has family problems, the school seems to have sorted this as well but the lad is still there so my buddy's son is still withdrawn and unhappy.

 

[Crankarm]

Hope it goes well. I'm always amazed that the teachers can't spot this sort of thing , especially after it has been reported to them.

Snake

My Library

Yes, strange that .

 

[upsidedown]

Schools can have wildly differing approaches to bullying. I hope for your lad's sake your's take a strong line, terrible thing to have going on.
Good luck and hope it goes your way.

 

[John the Monkey]

Frank Chalk's "It's Your Time Your Wasting" is an interesting read on the way discipline works (or doesn't) in schools.

We've had similar problems with our lad. It's usually one or two kids doing it, the teachers know, the parents either don't care, are strangely proud, or swear blind that the little twats are innocent & being picked on by the school/teachers. Our experience suggests that keeping at it & insisting that the school sort it out is pretty much the only way to proceed.

If your lad likes Martial Arts Foss, judo can be a good bet for a "non violent" response, as it's mostly about using the other party's momentum & it's far less obviously agressive than a striking art like karate (it's fun too, although damned hard work).

 

[Globalti]

I've taught my son a simple move to overbalance an opponent but he's afraid to use it in case he gets into trouble!

 

[XmisterIS]

I think it's a shame kids aren't allowed to sort out their own differences any more!

When I went to school, kids used to beat the crap out of each other; the teachers knew and turned a blind eye. It had it's benefits - taught me how to fight and how to ignore pain.

Mind you, that was after the days when teachers were allowed to beat kids, but they were still allowed to do pretty much everything else!

 

[Dave5N]

I think it's a shame kids aren't allowed to sort out their own differences any more!

When I went to school, kids used to beat the crap out of each other; the teachers knew and turned a blind eye. It had it's benefits - taught me how to fight and how to ignore pain.

Mind you, that was after the days when teachers were allowed to beat kids, but they were still allowed to do pretty much everything else!

FFS


Fossyinsect - keep on their case. They have a duty to sort this.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Some schools just deny there is any bullying in their school. Facing it means extra work and tough decisions. Probably affects their ratings too.

 

[Crankarm]

Fossyant - get fossy jnr some boxing lessons. Something I wish very much I had as a kid not only for the ability to fight back, hit them hard and quickly, but for the discipline and training at an early age. Martial arts are ok but for younger youngsters I think boxing is more effective. I later got a black belt in karate but feel being taught the art of pugilism at an early age would have served me better. We used to have a lot of parents enrol their kids in the club, but frankly their learning was so sanitised it would be of little benefit in any confrontation. Teaching a kid to throw a quick, well disguised, left or right, upper or lower cut will serve them well IMHO. Try the martial arts when he's a tad older. I was bullied pretty badly at secondary school over several years and now wish I had had a killer punch. Unfortunately my rapier wit had yet to manifest itself . Instead I made friends with some big guys from the rugby team. I showed little sporting promise so I guess they took pity on me. The teachers were either ignorant or labelled me as dysfunctional which was a terrible stigma.

One day the main thug who'd been targetting me and his cronies cornered me on the school field at lunchtime. Fearing I was in for yet another kicking and an abusive and humiliating torment I was ready to go down fighting, but literally in a flash, one of the rugby guys, Johnson IIRC, had arrived on the scene, lifted the fat skin head thug into the air, thrown him on the ground and pinned him to the ground. His cronies fled. The thug and his cronies NEVER touched me after that. I was 16 years old. I vowed never to be in that sort of situation again. Two years later I joined a karate club when I went to university and 3 years later I had a hard fought black belt. I now feel that I have the confidence to handle a situation should anything kick off or some one is being aggressive or physically confrontational toward me. If not I now have a fast pair of heels.

Judo is pretty handy as well as a lot of school kids just end up scrapping if they can't box according to the Queensbury Rules.

Don't take any sh1t from the school. The best form of defence is attack.

Good luck.

 

[MacB]

Don't let up on the school if they try to wriggle and squirm, there are clear guidelines and responses for bullying. Sometimes it can be tough to convince them of how serious the issue is.

 

[ChrisKH]

Violence isn't the answer, nor is leaving children to their own devices. Some of you may have seen earlier posts about some psychological bullying that went on with my own ten year old (de-bagging, photographs taken on mobile, etc.). I'm glad to say due to pressure applied by Mrs KH that it led to written apologies from two of the boys who can't afford to do anything wrong until they leave and the ring leader being expelled for a short period. He then promptly left the school. Doesn't solve the problem that this kid will probably go somewhere else and bully, nor that the bullies may be at the same secondary school.

Best of luck dealing with this. We found that we had to apply pressure continuously on the headmaster to get this dealt with and there was a summer break inbetween which meant momentum was lost and this gave the ringleader the opportunity to switch schools. He (the H/M) was more concerned we might get the police involved.