Living alone

[Pat "5mph"]

No, shocking in absolute terms. That word is so offensive that it is not allowed at home and at work.

Oh, did not get to read the word, was moderated so only saw the asterisks, bad Matt then!

 

[hopless500]

Soft toys and bleach/cleaning products.

 

[RecordAceFromNew]

May I add, that you can also unwrap the roll, scatter fresh black cherries (without the pit) and wrap it back again, thus transforming it into a Black Forest Swiss Roll...

Not that I've done it... But I could.


Oh, ok! I have!

Once...

Maybe twice.

Oh, alright, more than twice. It's divine!

Mmmmmm must try that. I think M&S does better Swiss Rolls than anybody else, £2.50 for 2.. so the more you buy the more you save!

 

[Hitchington]

The loneliness of the long distance cyclist...
My best mate (ex) ran off with my ex-partner (of 11 years) 5 years ago and I've never really recovered. They've since married and had a child, and I've since had 3 failed relationships, 1 of them cheating on me (again!). I live alone in my recently purchased 1 bedroom flat, previously I shared a flat with a friend. Living alone has its benefits: I don't have to make conversation when I don't feel like it (which is often after work), I don't get annoyed by others' strange habits/I'm free to exhibit my own strange habits without fear of upsetting others... however I miss the emotional support and bonding I had before, sharing stuff, cooking with love for someone...
I don't want to die old and lonely, but then again I don't want to get hurt again. Maybe I should get a dog, or a goldfish.

 

[coffeejo]

Repeating yourself really won't change how I say things. I'm not exactly being abusive.

Didn't say you were. That through one's choice of words, one has the power to cause great hurt and pain, yes. But not that you were being abusive.

 

[Archie_tect]

I'm feeling the need to repeat myself ... It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it. And someone who reacts badly to something said isn't being over-sensitive or looking for a crutch. Words, just words, cause huge amounts of damage and something that isn't constructive can be dangerously destructive. As such, I don't believe that the blunt, sledgehammer approach is the correct one because it doesn't help the other person to rebuild their confidence, self-esteem and sense of worth. Instead, like any knock or blow, it hurts - and that pain feeds the inner critic, the negative voice, which in turn lead to increased feelings of hopelessness and despair.

The support that people in the Cafe provide when people are feeling down is wonderful- but at the same time we have to be honest and true to ourselves and sometimes people say things that others wouldn't- when you are on your own seeing the world through the computer screen it's not easy to see the wood for the trees sometimes.

 

[Silver Fox]

I've lived alone for close on 10 years now, not through choice but stuff happens.

The initial transition from living in a family unit to being on my own was not without its challenges, especially in the early years when the loneliness was crushing, but you adapt, deal with it and move on.

These days I have the best of both worlds. Half the week the man cave is all my own whilst the rest of the time is spent in the company of a fantastic woman.

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

 

[Archie_tect]

View attachment 32485

Sunderland 1 - Manchester City 0
That's all I'm saying....

 

[theclaud]

It doesn't just work one way though ... I know intelligent women who consider themselves feminists, but who still habitually switch into 'little-girl-lost' mode when they want something from men. I assume that it must work or they wouldn't do it, but it infuriates me - it belittles them, and the men that they do it to!

I will replace the starter for the fluorescent light in the kitchen, because I am tall enough to reach it safely from the step-ladder, not because I am "clever and know about electrical things". FFS - how clever do you have to be to twist the old one and pull it out, then push the new one in and twist it back the other way?

This may be true but it is not an example of it "working both ways". It is about the limited forms of power available to women, and it is also as much about the way they are viewed and the way they are taught to behave as children as about the way they choose to present themselves. I once had a likeable but phenomenally lazy male flatmate who could only be persuaded to do chores insofar as they flattered his notions of his own masculinity. So it was possible to get him to take stuff to the recycling or the dump if you couched the request in language about heavy stuff and Land Rovers, but pretty much impossible to get him to do any washing-up or cleaning, or buy stuff for the house. The bigger question is why I had to persuade him to do anything, and why he couldn't just share the tasks of his own accord. In case anyone imagines that I think it is inevitable or universal for men to behave in this way, I should just point out that around the same time I also had a female flatmate who would do bugger-all, required a lot of emotional and domestic support for her career pressures, and appeared to imagine that buying occasional lavish gifts was the appropriate contribution for her to make to communal living. None of this would matter if it were part of a freely-chosen arrangement that happened to suit particular skills and preferences, but I happened not to be looking for a useless and demanding husband-figure of either sex.

 

[MontyVeda]

Well I'm glad that's over.... once they'd crossed the Alps, it all went a bit downhill.

And who'd have thought the boy Bob turned out to be a bird called Barbara!?!?

 

[s7ephanie]

wonder how Herbie is getting on with his 'filly' don't know why this thread made me think of that ???????

 

[mark st1]

 

[MarkF]

I'm gonna get abuse for this, but sometimes, just sometimes, people need their friends not to pander to them, and not to take the softly, softly approach... A lot of folk who come out of depression describe a low point, a rock bottom, which kickstarted them into getting help and initiating change. You'd be amazed at how many things can be seen as unhelpful which turn out to be the exact opposite.

After a decade, don't you think that all help avenues might have been explored by those who care for him?

He's had a caring soft, "Look at the positives" approach and he's had the "Get a grip man, yer baldy, fat loser" approach, the latter usually by his immediate family.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Does this apply to Racism, Homophobia and Religious Hatred ?

I dont think Sazzaa is advocating those in any way ...I can see how providing youngsters with the ability/defense mechanisms to deal with words online makes sense in this cyber age. No matter what there will always be bullies, online, and kids will always read the crap they post. How that kid deals with that is important. They have no recourse to th ebully which is why the cowards get off on the internet...so realizing that these are just words on a screen that one can choose to laugh at and ignore provides a reasonable way to avoid being hurt emotionally I guess.

Developing a 'thick skin' whilst retaining your soft centre is a skill worth learning I feel.