I had a third
and a fourth encounter one fine evening...
I'd gone out to do a quick 20 mile loop and was bombing along the road from Littleborough to Todmorden when there was a loud
BANG! just behind me which caused me to swerve violently, then there was laughter and water-filled balloons started raining down around me. A bunch of moronic teenagers were standing on a wall high above the road and just 'aving a larf. Forget the fact that it almost caused me to swerve into an overtaking car. Ho ho. Not!
That got the adrenaline going, so I started riding even faster. Ahead of me, on the far pavement, daddy, mummy and two children are looking to cross the road. I'm doing 30 mph. They wait for the cars to pass, daddy looks at me, decides that he doesn't need to bother about me and starts to walk out into the road. His wife shouts
BIKE! and steps back onto the pavement. Daddy isn't having any of that cowardly nonsense, takes the hands of his daughters and starts to drag them into my path. They shout
BIKE, DADDY, BIKE!, pull their hands free and step back to mummy. Daddy is still on his side of the road and has seen me approaching at 30 mph. His wife has seen me approaching at 30 mph. His children have seen me, but he doesn't need to stop - apparently
I need to stop, despite the fact that it is unsafe for me to try to do so. He deliberately steps into my path and glares at me while his children are screaming and his wife is shouting, but he has a point to prove. It is his road and he is claiming it back from me. I can't stop and I assume that he will jump out of the way so I aim straight at him. If I swerve and he jumps the wrong way then we've both had it. He jumps forward at the last moment and I miss his trailing leg by a couple of inches. He screams abuse at me. It's all my fault.
I'm now starting to get a bit peed off with my ride being spoiled by idiots. Still, what else can happen?
I slow down to turn right in Todmorden and pick up speed on the slight downhill past the supermarket on the right. I'm back up to 30 mph. Ooh, look, a hot hatchback is waiting to come out of the supermarket car park. I can hear the music system booming. A heavy skunk mist fogs the air in the car. I can just see a tattooed, shaven-headed driver with his woman in the front, his tattooed, shaven headed mate and woman in the back. Pass the weed Kev! I'm almost level with the exit from the car park when the driver floors the throttle and screeches out in front of me doing all of about 15 mph. Closing speed 15 mph. I'm inches from running into the back of him. Swerve right or swerve left? Oncoming traffic - go for the tiny gap he's left me between his nearside and the parked cars. I'm now squeezed into the gap and we are both doing about 25 mph. The young women start screaming abuse at me. The driver and his mate are screaming abuse at me. I nearly scratched their car! Why had I not immediately transported myself into another dimension when they decided to occupy my bit of road? How dare I startle them when they were too bloody stoned to know what they were doing? How annoying is it that the old git in Lycra is now riding one-handed, politely waving them forward and mouthing '"You Want The Road, Then Take The Road - Be My Guests!"
Thankfully, they sped off without any fisticuffs. I was trying to work out an escape route in case they decided to 'ave me!
And the final fun of the evening was as I climbed the little rise to the traffic lights on the way into Hebden Bridge. I had a green light. It had been green for some time, but I am only a cyclist so the red light for the driver coming down the Heptonstall Road didn't count. He shot across in front of me and I came within a few inches of decorating his windscreen.
When I got home, I wasn't a happy bunny...
Mine was good this morning so now i have said that i'm going to have a kack one going home !
