Modern Nursery rhymes

[Theseus]

Jessie had a red dress,
it was split right down the side.
Every time she walked about
you could see her thighs.

Jesse had a blue dress,
it was split righ down the front
...




but she never wore that one.

 

[Globalti]

Mary had a little lamb
and it was always gruntin'.
She tied it to a five-bar gate
and kicked its little head in.

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

I'm no good at rhymes or poetry but one that has stuck in my mind for a long time is this from an 80's comedy show:

I found a little robin, It had a broken wing
and though it could no longer fly, still it tried to sing.

It look so helpless lying there I could not be a louse
so I picked it up, petted it and took it in the house.

I fed it bread, I fed it worms, I fed it choco-lat
and when it put on lots of weight, I fed it to the cat!

 

[calibanzwei]

November the 5th has come and gone,
the memory of it still lingers.
I held a banger in my hand,
has anyone seen my fingers?

 

[GBC]

Mary had a little lamb
Her Father shot it dead
And now it goes to school with her
Between two bits of bread.

 

[subaqua]

mary had a little lamb
it jumped upon a pylon
got 10,000 volts up its bum
and turned is wool to nylon.

not correct in way shape or form but it makes my kids giggle

 

[Cheddar George]

Mary had a little lamb
and it was always gruntin'.
She tied it to a five-bar gate
and kicked its little head in.

I haven't heard this for probably 20 years, I have it on vinyl packed away in the garage somewhere.

Who was it ?

 

[Cheddar George]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.

Jill came down with half a crown
but not for fetching water.

 

[Fnaar]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Stood around afraid to help him out in case they got done for assault, but offered him a couple of Paracetamol as long as he agreed to self-administer them and confirmed that he wasn't allergic to them.

 

[Cubist]

I haven't heard this for probably 20 years, I have it on vinyl packed away in the garage somewhere.

Who was it ?

Big Six? By Judge Dead. (Edit, it was DREAD, but the fact he's no longer with us makes the typo somehow apt!)
I reckon it's more like 40 years old!

Check, Google makes it 1972.

 

[TheDoctor]

I haven't heard this for probably 20 years, I have it on vinyl packed away in the garage somewhere.

Who was it ?

Judge Dread, I suspect.

EDIT - Bugger, too slow...

 

[Cubist]

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5w8zV9Uoos


Fill yer boots.

(Sorry, do the gratuitous topless dancers make this NSFW? )

 

[Cubist]

Mary had a mechanical cow
she called it Mary-Anna
She took it to the top of the hill
And milked it with a spanner

 

[Cubist]

Mary had a little bike
She rode it on the grass
And every time the wheel went round
A spoke went up her dress.

Mary had a little bike
With a basket on the front
And every time the wheels went round
You could hear the bearings rumble.

 

[Cheddar George]

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5w8zV9Uoos


Fill yer boots.

(Sorry, do the gratuitous topless dancers make this NSFW? )

Excellent ........ i love the embarrassed apathetic attitude of the audience. Hard to believe there is not a market for this sort of stuff anymore.