Noisy neighbour, advice please.

[Sara_H]

Hi all,

I have an elderly female neighbour who has always been slightly difficult but was kept in order by her rather lovely husband who very sadly died 2 years ago.

She hasn't got any family or friends and relied on me rather heavily after he died, which makes what's happening all the harder to bare.

This summer she was being rather unpleasant to my son, usually over him playing in the garden, his ball went over the fence a couple of times (no damage of any type caused). To cut a long story short he became very frightened of her and one day I witnessed her being horrid to him so I sent him indoors and tried to have a tactful word with her but all hell broke loose and she has been completely ignoring us since then.

Anyway, just recently she's taking to playing loud rave music at around my son's bedtime and continues to around midnight. The music comes from the room in her house adjoining his and he's finding it impossible to sleep. When I go outside and look up at the house, the room the music is coming from is in darkness. I can also clearly hear that she has the TV on downstairs and can hear her moving about in the living room downstairs.

I know this may sound paranois, but I've got a feeling she's deliberately and maliciously targetting my son.


Any top tips CycleChatters?

 

[stephec]

Nothing that's legal unfortunately.

Although the usual advice in this case is go to the local council.

 

[classic33]

Keep a log of the times, both when it started & stopped.
Enviromental health will instruct you to keep a log before they can/will act
Try & record the noise as it is heard in the room when it happens.
Try and get a radio in the recording that gives a time record of the recording, also it provides a background level to compare it to. Makes describing how loud it actually was easier.

See also the similar thread as started by Saluki for futher info.

 

[Sara_H]

Keep a log of the times, both when it started & stopped.
Enviromental health will instruct you to keep a log before they can/will act
Try & record the noise as it is heard in the room when it happens.
Try and get a radio in the recording that gives a time record of the recording, also it provides a background level to compare it to.

See also the similar thread as started by Saluki for futher info.

The thing is, it's not your traditional house shaking noise nuisance. I can hear it all over the upstairs, but its at a level that I could probably ignore if it wasn't keeping son awake. He keeps having to move into the spare room, which is a bit of a pain in the bum.

Feel depressed, I was really upset when she started ignoring us, can't bare the thought that I'm going to have to confront her about this, I don't think it'll make a jot of difference anyway.

 

[Doseone]

I don't think it sounds paranoid. From what you say it seems like she is definitely targeting your son. Gloves are off I'm afraid, not a nice situation.

 

[fossyant]

Have you got a good sound system ?

Get some organ type music (blackpool tower stuff) turn it up and go to work and school. Leave on high all day. Do point the speakers at the wall.

My in laws had this many many years ago, and did this. It worked very well as my in laws made industrial speakers.

What a witch !

I would go round and tell her to stop as its abuse, and if she doesn't show her a million watt speaker.

I've had neighbours blasting music out at silly hours. One time the neighbour was away, but the house was 'sitted' by the owners sister. Party on a work night, ended up me banging on the door and effing and jeffing to give it a rest. Worked.

 

[fossyant]

You have every right to confront her.

If not happy with that, write down every time this happens.

 

[classic33]

It makes no real difference, its not allowing you to lead a normal life, at present. Its impacting on how you are having to live at present. The record keeping is what you'll be requested to do, should you report the problem.
As regards the music to be played back, try a Pipe Band such as The Black Watch, placing the speakers facing the wall, leaving a gap of two inches between speaker & the wall.
For some reason, and its nothing against the Scots on here I have a few of the Pipe bands recordings, the pipe music seems to carry that much better than anything else I know about, whilst still remaining listenable to.

 

[classic33]

http://www.waveney.gov.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=305&categoryID=412&pageNumber=5
https://www.sheffield.gov.uk/enviro...ealth/pollution/noise-pollution/domestic.html
https://www.sheffield.gov.uk/enviro...pollution/noise-pollution/noise-nuisance.html

 

[MarkF]

I have a bonkers elderly single woman 2 doors away, she treated one son like her own, but loathed my other boy, that was painful. She's caused quite a bit of havoc for the other neighbours, making noise into the early hours, reporting mistreatment of children etc. I wrote her a letter and she's been great with me ever since, some people are so lonely they do silly things, they need a "purpose" . Write her a letter saying how you'd like to be friends again, she may have a bigger problem than you have.

 

[asterix]

Was fixing my shed roof when my elderly neighbour said (quite spontaneously) that he'd have his tree (that was causing the damage) trimmed if they had the money.

Later I went round and said I would do it for him f.o.c. as I am a competent pruner and he was delighted. Not long after I started the wife came out and started giving me hell over interfering with the tree. I couldn't get a word in so I left it half done. When their son and his wife came on a visit, I went round to discuss the matter, hoping there wouldn't be a scene. I apologised for the 'misunderstanding' and found that the younger generation were extremely reasonable about it all and I was given permission to finish the job.

I also replaced fence that had been damaged by the tree, f.o.c. but to this day the old bat has never spoken to me let alone thanked me!

 

[Thomk]

I wouldn't retaliate in kind as some have suggested. If she has little else to do in her life she might relish this type of childish tit for tat.

You've got to get in control of the situation.

First, establish what her motives are. This means confronting her every time she plays the music too loudly and/or at an inappropriate time and asking her to turn it down because it's keeping your son awake. Be firm but mature and calm. This should establish her motives and make it absolutely clear that you object to it. Try diplomacy again if you think it might help.

As others have said keep a diary and write everything down in a calm and mature fashion. If the situation does not improve you must get the local council involved.

Once you have exhausted diplomacy you must completely give up on this woman and cut off all contact with her for good outside of confronting her about the noise (which you should continue to do without fail). Accept that she is unlikely to change her behaviour at this point and take it entirely into your own hands to get the problem solved (which it will be, these things don't tend to last for ever). Do everything you can to stop her unreasonable behaviour so long as it is legal and reasonable and mature i.e. probably the diary, council route.

Do not simply wait for her to give up on this, there lies the road to unhappiness and stress.

 

[swee'pea99]

I have a bonkers elderly single woman 2 doors away, she treated one son like her own, but loathed my other boy, that was painful. She's caused quite a bit of havoc for the other neighbours, making noise into the early hours, reporting mistreatment of children etc. I wrote her a letter and she's been great with me ever since, some people are so lonely they do silly things, they need a "purpose" . Write her a letter saying how you'd like to be friends again, she may have a bigger problem than you have.

And if that doesn't work, steel yourself, recognise that this is a war, and make sure you win.

If that becomes necessary, do bear in mind the old cliche that bullies are cowards - it's not always true, but not many 'old ladies', however unpleasant, really want to go head to head. So, I would suggest, step one is, follow MarkF's suggestion and see how it goes. Step two is, however much the prospect repels you, recognise that you have to do this, for your son if not yourself, and make a point of confronting her - at her door or in the street - adopting as calm and steely a demeanour as you can manage, and saying: 'I just came to tell you that your behaviour is putting my son's health at risk, and if you do not stop behaving in this way, you are very soon going to wish you had,' and leave. Step three, Scottish pipe bands, full on, all day every day: save the Weapons of Mass Destruction for a last resort.

Horrible situation. Best of luck whatever you decide to do. But weigh up your natural 'niceness' (and any trepidation) and balance them up against what this person is, for absolutely no justified reason, inflicting on your son. Then take that anger, control it, and put it to work. She'll back down. Pound to a penny.

 

[Linford]

I've got a new neighbour move in about 18 months ago, had a(nother) party a couple of months ago, 4 year old grandaughter, and 20y/o daughter woke me up at 2am to tell me the music was keeping them awake (daughter had work the following morning), I went around there and kicked off big time. I told them I've lived in the house nearly 20 years and whilst previous owners were professional musicians, I never had an issue with noise, threatened to get the council involved..They have been really polite since and backed off with the partying.

I've got no problem with them having a party...evean until 2am, but they need to give me fair warning of it. Bloke has 6 year old son who stays with him some weekends so he might appreciate that I've also got the capacity to make a lot of noice if I chose too at any time of the night..not that I'd inflict it on my other neighbours....just a it of common courtesy really.

 

[Ganymede]

Hi Sara_H

After lurking many months, your post and the replies have made me sign up.

It is possible that your elderly neighbour is developing dementia, possibly the vascular kind. If she has no relatives there is nobody to spot this. I have unfortunately had some experience of relatives with dementia, and one of the manifestations is a kind of embattled paranoia about what other people are doing to you. It is irrational - sometimes arising out of a jumble of memories or unconnected events. For example, one of my relatives has started refusing to go to his dentist, whom he has always really liked. Suddenly she is "a terrible woman". He says the dentist's sister assaulted him and bit him on the face (obviously ludicrous). A neighbour of his was recently bitten on the face by her small dog, so we think this is part of the confusion. This is among many other delusions of being under some sort of attack - delusions which pass and then he comes back to his normal (ie forgetful and a bit bonkers but cheerful) self.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that if this recent behaviour is uncharacteristic of your neighbour it might be that she is an incipient sufferer.

I think the advice here about going round and talking to her is very wise - retaliation which might work with younger neighbours would not be appropriate. You do not mention how old your son is but if he is approaching his teenage years your neighbour might be having irrational fears about his potential behaviour (tarring him with the same brush as "young hooligans") which is unfair but can be talked through.

There is quite a bit of help out there for families coping with dementia, though it's trickier if it's not your family, and you might need to get social services involved.

I hope this helps and that I'm not making too many assumptions here.