Not happy
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Lisa21
Mooching.............
- Location
- North Wales
Oh, and I think it goes without saying, but stop the lifts to your classes now. Whatever excuse you can think of but do not have her in your car again. Be aware that to her any little thing-even a smile or cheery "hello" could be taken as a lot more. She sounds unhinged she really does.
Posting Anon
New Member
Unfortunately I am obligated to attending so I can't skip classes. I will let her know that I won't be giving her a lift there or back again adn confide this with the organiser.
I am on the phone to Victim Support but there has been no answer for 10 minutes of ringing after the initial service details message.
That's a good point, Speicher, I hadn't even thought about why she doesn't have a female friend to call on. She did say she didn't have local family though.
I am on the phone to Victim Support but there has been no answer for 10 minutes of ringing after the initial service details message.
That's a good point, Speicher, I hadn't even thought about why she doesn't have a female friend to call on. She did say she didn't have local family though.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Posting Anon!
I'd be inclined to give her a very wide berth! She is obviously besotted with you and will use whatever means to get to you: the 'accident' in the bathroom, for example!
Believe it or not, I was stalked by an elder woman for two years who was OBSESSED with me. It is VERY unpleasant.
Be polite but firm, leaving NO doubt in her mind that you are NOT interested!
Good luck!
I'd be inclined to give her a very wide berth! She is obviously besotted with you and will use whatever means to get to you: the 'accident' in the bathroom, for example!
Believe it or not, I was stalked by an elder woman for two years who was OBSESSED with me. It is VERY unpleasant.
Be polite but firm, leaving NO doubt in her mind that you are NOT interested!
Good luck!
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
There might be more to this than meets the eye but there are some simple steps to take to eliminate future contact.
Stop the lifts, change your email address if you have shared it with her and change you phone number(s). Do not respond to any attempts to contact you.
I've been there with an old school friend. My exit strategy from a very emotionally charged situation was diametrically opposite from what might have been deemed to be sensible but it got me a good night's sleep alone and unmolested. She had a sound night's sleep alone and the mother of all hangovers.
As for not having any female friends to confide in - could well be true. A different and recently divorced school friend often uses me as a sounding post as she has no immediate family and has no close friends. She's also very aware of my lack of interest in 'extra curricular activities'.
I'm sure that things will be resolved.
Stop the lifts, change your email address if you have shared it with her and change you phone number(s). Do not respond to any attempts to contact you.
I've been there with an old school friend. My exit strategy from a very emotionally charged situation was diametrically opposite from what might have been deemed to be sensible but it got me a good night's sleep alone and unmolested. She had a sound night's sleep alone and the mother of all hangovers.
As for not having any female friends to confide in - could well be true. A different and recently divorced school friend often uses me as a sounding post as she has no immediate family and has no close friends. She's also very aware of my lack of interest in 'extra curricular activities'.
I'm sure that things will be resolved.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
vernon said:
I think it's more relevant that she had no other friends to confide in, male or female. I'm not sure I'd turn to a female friend more than a male one in such a situation, I'd just turn to whoever was closest and available to come round - my male friends are all the kind to be equally sympathetic as my female ones... I think I have more male friends than female, TBH.
Can't really offer more advice than has been offered, Anon, best of luck with it.
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
[Strokes non-existant beard and thinks for a while]
Nothing more to add than other people have said. Good advice all round, just take heed of it.
Nothing more to add than other people have said. Good advice all round, just take heed of it.
Posting Anon
New Member
Thanks for all the responses.
I have just given up on Victim Support and contacted the basket weaving organiser. She has taken it on board and told me some things that I didn't know about this woman, which had I known would have made me stay well clear in the first place.
So on advice, I have deleted her number, I will make no further contact, I will simply not pick her up and the organiser will speak to her if she contacts me enquiring about me giving her a lift. Also that at the meet, in front of witnesses, I sould say out loud to her that I will no longer be able to give her a lift because of other commitments. That way it is clear to her and heard by witnesses.
The organiser has said that if this woman was going to make a false accusation about me to the police then she would have done it by now and I would already be in custody so I needn't worry about that.
The organiser also thinks that this will need to be discussed at the group's board of committee as she could be a danger to anyone else she gets friendly with.
I have just given up on Victim Support and contacted the basket weaving organiser. She has taken it on board and told me some things that I didn't know about this woman, which had I known would have made me stay well clear in the first place.
So on advice, I have deleted her number, I will make no further contact, I will simply not pick her up and the organiser will speak to her if she contacts me enquiring about me giving her a lift. Also that at the meet, in front of witnesses, I sould say out loud to her that I will no longer be able to give her a lift because of other commitments. That way it is clear to her and heard by witnesses.
The organiser has said that if this woman was going to make a false accusation about me to the police then she would have done it by now and I would already be in custody so I needn't worry about that.
The organiser also thinks that this will need to be discussed at the group's board of committee as she could be a danger to anyone else she gets friendly with.
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
Scary position to be in Posting Anon.
I am another who has been stalked and, as Dayvo says, it is very unpleasent. Mine may be stalking me still as she has managed to follow me around the internet quite easily but now I just ignore her and not let her control my behaviour or life style choices.
I didn't delete my stalker's number for a while, I just changed it to 'stalker' so I knew not to respond to it and it gave me a record of the times she tried to contact me or texted me. Then I changed my number.
She does sound troubled and maybe she has latched on to you just because you were there and was nice to her, even if it is only in giving her a lift.
Keeping well clear is definately good advice. Also at your exhibition and during your hobby make sure you sit with others and are never alone even in another room or corridor or lift without a witness. If you are on your own and she comes to join you move away to be with others while being polite but give her no personal or singular attention, even if it is just eye contact she could interpret that as something it is not.
I am another who has been stalked and, as Dayvo says, it is very unpleasent. Mine may be stalking me still as she has managed to follow me around the internet quite easily but now I just ignore her and not let her control my behaviour or life style choices.
I didn't delete my stalker's number for a while, I just changed it to 'stalker' so I knew not to respond to it and it gave me a record of the times she tried to contact me or texted me. Then I changed my number.
She does sound troubled and maybe she has latched on to you just because you were there and was nice to her, even if it is only in giving her a lift.
Keeping well clear is definately good advice. Also at your exhibition and during your hobby make sure you sit with others and are never alone even in another room or corridor or lift without a witness. If you are on your own and she comes to join you move away to be with others while being polite but give her no personal or singular attention, even if it is just eye contact she could interpret that as something it is not.
Posting Anon
New Member
The phone calls have started.
I am ignoring my mobile and sending to answer phone.
Now a text.
I am ignoring my mobile and sending to answer phone.
Now a text.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Contact the police!
Not to make a charge, but so they can see you're being harrassed, and evidence to back you up SHOULD there be any repercussions/allegations against you later!
Not to make a charge, but so they can see you're being harrassed, and evidence to back you up SHOULD there be any repercussions/allegations against you later!
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
Posting Anon said:The phone calls have started.
I am ignoring my mobile and sending to answer phone.
Now a text.
Break all contact... contact police... give hobby classes a miss, if possible. Good luck, fella.
Lisa21
Mooching.............
- Location
- North Wales
If you can, keep the texts and a record of the time&date of the calls.Dont be tempted to reply...anything will possibly be miss interpreted by her as a sign of, well, love i suppose, in her mind
Just as a thought, I presume you are single? I only ask as if your not then dont keep this from your wife.Infact be as open about it to as many people as you can be. The more people aware of what is going on the better for you.
Just as a thought, I presume you are single? I only ask as if your not then dont keep this from your wife.Infact be as open about it to as many people as you can be. The more people aware of what is going on the better for you.
WeeE
New Member
- Location
- Glasgow in Scotland
My tuppenceworth - the woman has a personality disorder: stay away from her.
Just quietly stay well back, fob her off politely, and don't be drawn into explanations or discussions of ANY of it Anything else that you do or say will be used on you in psychological ju-jitsu.
If you let her bring up the subject of the come-on, then soon (if not already!) she will have you apologising for being callous, for hurting her feelings and for offending her - or even for you inappropriately "coming on" to her. (Be as neutral and non-committal as possible, or she may line up someone else to "confide" in - about you.)
Beware her offering to apologise profusely for her inappropriateness...then wanting to be forgiven...and cuddle and make up.
Do I sound like I speak from experience? I once had two such people in my workplace at the same time. No alleged sexual offences (though one of the targets got sacked for blurting "But you're old enough to be my mum!") - but all sorts of shenanigans, with a different gobsmacking story, a new best-buddy and a different target practically every week.)
I also, briefly, lived with someone like this. (In his case, a compulsive liar and charming petty thief.) In thirty years of adult life, I ran into all three within a three year period - how's that for luck? But it WAS lucky; these people are all tediously alike, at bottom, and very easy to spot once you've had a brush with one.
The similarity is the charm, and the tendency to lie about astonishingly serious and astoundingly trivial things. They have a spooky ability to co-opt anything and everything into their stories (Often the brag or the sob-story is based on the real circumstance of someone else that they know).
What's hard for nice people to get to grips with is that people like this will tell the most outrageous lies - lies with big consequences if found out; and silly, childish lies; and really riskily slopp lies - and not necessarily for any gain that you or I could see.
Paradoxically, the sheer gratuitousness of the lie is often how they get believed. Normal people think that surely they wouldn't be mad/bad/dumb/brazen enough to make up something so drastic/silly/unlikely/vile.
People like this simply don't distinguish between fact & fiction, truth & lies - except strategically.
One day, someone else will perhaps confide to you a strangely familiar tale of assault...and this time you'll be struck by how different - and how solid - the emotion is (because it's the genuine case she based hers on). Or someone will innocently drop a mention of this woman's deathly illness or something equally dramatic. (Because that's the sob story she calculated to most affect them.)
You'll be struck by how amazingly resilient she is to drastic illness...just as amazingly resilient as she is to "sexual assault".
Observe quietly, and silently count the discrepancies. Don't waste your breath confronting her with them - or at least not one at a time; there'll be an "explanation" for every discrepancy. (Like why the police aren't involved.) She'll just get "upset" then if that doesn't work, "angry" and a whole stream of other try-ons that she'll discard the moment she sees they don't work. Then she'll either stalk off in the huff or shrug and tell you it was just a joke and you didn't really believe it anyway, so where's the harm?
If you ever meet her neighbour, be prepared to meet someone who has no idea he's been accused of such a thing. (The clue is the police involvement. Think about the details that she included - and think about what parts of her account are kinda vague or cursory.)
There's a plausible excuse for every slip-up in a lie, when you confront a person like this. You'll walk away having been reasured that your memory was wonky, or that you somehow got the wrong end of the stick. And you'll only be accused of not "trusting" her. Keep stum and watch.
One thing you can notice about people like this.
(a) They often gaze into your eyes/scrutinize your face. They're watching to see how the story's going down, moment by moment, and adjusting it.
( They're often very charming; they're popular amongst nice people, because nice people simply can't imagine why people would make up pointless, potentially disastrous, easily discoverable lies. There's no point in you telling people, if you discover she was lying. YOU'LL be the one no-one believes, you can bet on it.
(c) They're so intent on how to manipulate your view of them that they sometimes fake the wrong emotion.
In short - give her a wide berth.
OK, that was about a million tuppenceworths and a gigantic vent - but bloody hell, once you've seen the chameleon's underbelly, the next one that comes along may as well wear a red flashing light.
Just quietly stay well back, fob her off politely, and don't be drawn into explanations or discussions of ANY of it Anything else that you do or say will be used on you in psychological ju-jitsu.
If you let her bring up the subject of the come-on, then soon (if not already!) she will have you apologising for being callous, for hurting her feelings and for offending her - or even for you inappropriately "coming on" to her. (Be as neutral and non-committal as possible, or she may line up someone else to "confide" in - about you.)
Beware her offering to apologise profusely for her inappropriateness...then wanting to be forgiven...and cuddle and make up.
Do I sound like I speak from experience? I once had two such people in my workplace at the same time. No alleged sexual offences (though one of the targets got sacked for blurting "But you're old enough to be my mum!") - but all sorts of shenanigans, with a different gobsmacking story, a new best-buddy and a different target practically every week.)
I also, briefly, lived with someone like this. (In his case, a compulsive liar and charming petty thief.) In thirty years of adult life, I ran into all three within a three year period - how's that for luck? But it WAS lucky; these people are all tediously alike, at bottom, and very easy to spot once you've had a brush with one.
The similarity is the charm, and the tendency to lie about astonishingly serious and astoundingly trivial things. They have a spooky ability to co-opt anything and everything into their stories (Often the brag or the sob-story is based on the real circumstance of someone else that they know).
What's hard for nice people to get to grips with is that people like this will tell the most outrageous lies - lies with big consequences if found out; and silly, childish lies; and really riskily slopp lies - and not necessarily for any gain that you or I could see.
Paradoxically, the sheer gratuitousness of the lie is often how they get believed. Normal people think that surely they wouldn't be mad/bad/dumb/brazen enough to make up something so drastic/silly/unlikely/vile.
People like this simply don't distinguish between fact & fiction, truth & lies - except strategically.
One day, someone else will perhaps confide to you a strangely familiar tale of assault...and this time you'll be struck by how different - and how solid - the emotion is (because it's the genuine case she based hers on). Or someone will innocently drop a mention of this woman's deathly illness or something equally dramatic. (Because that's the sob story she calculated to most affect them.)
You'll be struck by how amazingly resilient she is to drastic illness...just as amazingly resilient as she is to "sexual assault".
Observe quietly, and silently count the discrepancies. Don't waste your breath confronting her with them - or at least not one at a time; there'll be an "explanation" for every discrepancy. (Like why the police aren't involved.) She'll just get "upset" then if that doesn't work, "angry" and a whole stream of other try-ons that she'll discard the moment she sees they don't work. Then she'll either stalk off in the huff or shrug and tell you it was just a joke and you didn't really believe it anyway, so where's the harm?
If you ever meet her neighbour, be prepared to meet someone who has no idea he's been accused of such a thing. (The clue is the police involvement. Think about the details that she included - and think about what parts of her account are kinda vague or cursory.)
There's a plausible excuse for every slip-up in a lie, when you confront a person like this. You'll walk away having been reasured that your memory was wonky, or that you somehow got the wrong end of the stick. And you'll only be accused of not "trusting" her. Keep stum and watch.
One thing you can notice about people like this.
(a) They often gaze into your eyes/scrutinize your face. They're watching to see how the story's going down, moment by moment, and adjusting it.
(
They're often very charming; they're popular amongst nice people, because nice people simply can't imagine why people would make up pointless, potentially disastrous, easily discoverable lies. There's no point in you telling people, if you discover she was lying. YOU'LL be the one no-one believes, you can bet on it.(c) They're so intent on how to manipulate your view of them that they sometimes fake the wrong emotion.
In short - give her a wide berth.
OK, that was about a million tuppenceworths and a gigantic vent - but bloody hell, once you've seen the chameleon's underbelly, the next one that comes along may as well wear a red flashing light.
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