Not happy
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Posting Anon
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Yes, the quantity of calls and texts are extreme but they stopped within the first half hour of the class.
If I get no more then I will leave it for now as I do have the call log, answerphone messages and texts saved. But if I get more calls then I will report her. I have looked up the local police number and saved it on my phone just in case.
I don't know how long she has lived where she lives and I don't think she knows where I live but it wouldn't be too difficult to find me. Now I'm not giving her a lift I will be cycling to class again via a few different routes instead. She doesn't drive so I don't think she will be following me around.
If I get no more then I will leave it for now as I do have the call log, answerphone messages and texts saved. But if I get more calls then I will report her. I have looked up the local police number and saved it on my phone just in case.
I don't know how long she has lived where she lives and I don't think she knows where I live but it wouldn't be too difficult to find me. Now I'm not giving her a lift I will be cycling to class again via a few different routes instead. She doesn't drive so I don't think she will be following me around.
Posting Anon said:
Can we just add - if someone wants to remain unknown, we should respect that.
No more guessing games, please.
Thanks everyone. As you were!
Wheeledweenie
Über Member
What a stressful situation.
Sounds like you've done the right thing. It's a pity and very sad that people feel the need to do these things but she's obviously been damaged by something or someone in the past and perhaps it's a good thing that you dealt with it rather than someone who would have damaged her further.
I had a problem with someone I did am dram with a few years ago and it ruined it for me really, it was meant to be fun but just became stressful. You're lucky the head basket weaver was so helpful.
Sounds like you've done the right thing. It's a pity and very sad that people feel the need to do these things but she's obviously been damaged by something or someone in the past and perhaps it's a good thing that you dealt with it rather than someone who would have damaged her further.
I had a problem with someone I did am dram with a few years ago and it ruined it for me really, it was meant to be fun but just became stressful. You're lucky the head basket weaver was so helpful.
Kirstie
Über Member
You have done exactly the right thing. It's very easy to get sucked into the world of a disordered person and before you know it you are the butt of everything. And with disordered people you can never win. I am speaking from first hand experience of dealing with someone who has borderline personality disorder, and the destructive chaos they produce.
You absolutely must maintain your boundaries and have nothing to do with them if at all possible. But then everyone else has said that. I just want to congratulate you on how you handled it. You trusted your instincts as they violated all kinds of personal boundaries and came out relatively unscathed.
Well done!
You absolutely must maintain your boundaries and have nothing to do with them if at all possible. But then everyone else has said that. I just want to congratulate you on how you handled it. You trusted your instincts as they violated all kinds of personal boundaries and came out relatively unscathed.
Well done!
What kirtsie said - absolutely. 
This next few days, there might be some wacky, off-the-wall approach - something out of left-field. If that happens, it'll wrong-foot you, but only for a minute; then you'll remember to make like the proverbial duck's back.
And carry on carrying on with your life.
This next few days, there might be some wacky, off-the-wall approach - something out of left-field. If that happens, it'll wrong-foot you, but only for a minute; then you'll remember to make like the proverbial duck's back.
And carry on carrying on with your life.
Twenty Inch
Guru
I don't have time to read the whole thread.
I sympathise, I've had some weird stalking attention in the past, and it is zarking awful.
Has anyone suggested keeping a diary of contact yet? Get a cheap notebook, write down whatever contact you have, including conversations, context, location, who else was present, mood, manner, tone, weather, clothes you were both wearing etc. etc. and then get someone else to sign and date it (NB the signer is not verifying the accuracy of the content, merely the date, showing that it was written on the day). It may be a powerful tool if this goes any further.
I'd also be inclined to keep a detailed record of where you were and who you spoke to every day. If you are at home for long periods with no-one else, call a couple of pals and note the times. You may need the alibis.
I hope this doesn't sound paranoid. You may need these details to rebut mischievous allegations, but I sincerely hope you don't.
Best of luck.
I sympathise, I've had some weird stalking attention in the past, and it is zarking awful.
Has anyone suggested keeping a diary of contact yet? Get a cheap notebook, write down whatever contact you have, including conversations, context, location, who else was present, mood, manner, tone, weather, clothes you were both wearing etc. etc. and then get someone else to sign and date it (NB the signer is not verifying the accuracy of the content, merely the date, showing that it was written on the day). It may be a powerful tool if this goes any further.
I'd also be inclined to keep a detailed record of where you were and who you spoke to every day. If you are at home for long periods with no-one else, call a couple of pals and note the times. You may need the alibis.
I hope this doesn't sound paranoid. You may need these details to rebut mischievous allegations, but I sincerely hope you don't.
Best of luck.
Good advice: I agree. I'm not a natural diary-keeper, but about 20 years ago when I got into serious 'difficulties' with my then boss (nothing like this, I should point out, it was a technical disagreement). I recorded all the angry exchanges, with times and dates and more or less what was said. Proved useful to refresh my memory, although I didn't actually show the words I'd written to anyone! It came to a head where I had to go to senior Management, and say, more or less: "sack me or sack him".Twenty Inch said:
They sacked him.
Good luck!
On the plus side with the mischievous allegsations - the woman's NOT a good liar: that is, in the sense that the story had logical/narrative holes in it that any cop would drive a paddywagon through.
She was depending on the emotionality/drasticness of the context to carry the story - a nice guy thinking about her well-being, rather than coolly listening to the details of some awful event; and of course, nice-guy reluctance to ask for factual details to be clarified.
Happily - detail, chronology, facts, coherence and more detail is what the cops need to nail some nasty guy: while all that stuff is just the very definition of boring irrelevance to people with that sort of personality disorder.
She was depending on the emotionality/drasticness of the context to carry the story - a nice guy thinking about her well-being, rather than coolly listening to the details of some awful event; and of course, nice-guy reluctance to ask for factual details to be clarified.
Happily - detail, chronology, facts, coherence and more detail is what the cops need to nail some nasty guy: while all that stuff is just the very definition of boring irrelevance to people with that sort of personality disorder.
Posting Anon
New Member
Quick update and hopefull the last on this matter.
Following a last couple of calls and a text prior to attending class I have had no further contact from this woman.
At class she attempted to make conversation but quickly realised I wasn't interested in chatting and she has left me alone.
I hope that is that.
Thank you for your support, and not playing guessing games as to my normal identity, that has helped a great deal.
Following a last couple of calls and a text prior to attending class I have had no further contact from this woman.
At class she attempted to make conversation but quickly realised I wasn't interested in chatting and she has left me alone.
I hope that is that.
Thank you for your support, and not playing guessing games as to my normal identity, that has helped a great deal.
You're welcome.
Since the thread has served its purpose, I'll lock it so it falls out of view in due course.
Since the thread has served its purpose, I'll lock it so it falls out of view in due course.
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