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Now I know I am a real cyclist

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Bigtallfatbloke, 7 Dec 2007.

  1. Bigtallfatbloke

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    I think I passed the 'real cyclist test' this morning.

    I woke up looking forward to my ride. I was asked by Mrs BTFB to take in her car to the garage for a service, pick up a courtesy car....oh ...ok...if you insist...so off I go in the 4x4 (apologies but it's true)....it took me an hour to get there in heavy traffic of the most mindless and moronic variety. I could have got there quicker on the bike. All i could think about was how much better things are on the bike....even in the current weather. The courtesy car was (of course) not a car, but a lawnmower with a roof and an empty petrol tank. being a gentleman of large(ish) proportions I fight to gain access to said lawn mower, suffer unbearable pain and gross indignity and embarrassment...I mean...me...a cyclist being degraded to peasant motorist status...no...much more worse even...lawnmower status.....anyway...off I truck...erm...tremble....through another hour of mindless traffic, only this time hindered by said empty petrol tank and crippling back pain caused by said midget mower. Finally i arrive home after 90 minutes of sufferring (which is about 40 minutes more than I have done the same route on my bike in the past). I was surprised I managed to remove myself from this tin can withing 15 minutes without the help of the fire brigade. I cursed the infernal machine and opened up the garage to gaze on my bike to calm myself. The phone rang...."YES!"...."erm...Mr BTFB?"...."YES!!"....this is the garage...."your car is ready to collect"...."Oh ****, really?":angry::smile::blush:!
     
  2. simoncc

    simoncc New Member

    A proper cyclist doesn't need to take his car in for a service. A proper cyclist, if he does have a car, uses it so infrequently that services are not required. A proper cyclist takes his car for the MOT test and is told that nothing needs doing or that the headlight aim needs adjusting or the wiper blades need changing. A proper cyclist is experienced enough with at simple mechanical matters to change a car's oil and filters himself.
     
  3. OP
    OP
    Bigtallfatbloke

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    ..yep...but it's not my car:biggrin:


    ...my car resides on the driveway and get's used about twice a year. It has green moss growing on the boot and although very mechnically sound the bodywork is rusting away. It's low mileage for it's age defies belief & it's priamry reason for existance is that it is a convenient place to lean my bike on whilst I close the garage door.:smile:
     
  4. simoncc

    simoncc New Member

    As you are legally joined in marriage to the owner of a 4x4 you are half responsible for it. Real cyclists don't own half a 4x4. Real cyclists are classy sophisticated types who sneer at the vulgar types who have 4x4s.
     
  5. i thought real cyclists sneered at simoncc
     
  6. sheddy

    sheddy Veteran

    Location:
    Suffolk
    Real cyclists don't refer to a '4x4'
    A 4x4 is a fencepost
     
  7. barq

    barq Senior Member

    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    :tongue: That's hilarious BTFB, sorry!

    I think you passed that ages ago, I've read loads of stories from you about going out cycling at insane times of the day/night, in horrible weather and so on. :tongue:
     
  8. Bug

    Bug New Member

    Location:
    Fareham
    Just as an observation... Whenever I take my car in for a service, I take the bike in the boot and cycle back home. I then cycle to pick it up when they've finished, back in the boot, job done. Have you thought of doing it this way too next time? Sounds like it would be quicker and a lot less stress all round.
     
  9. OP
    OP
    Bigtallfatbloke

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member


    you see now you're just making me feel silly...why didnt I think of that at 7am this morning...(kicks self in bollox hard):tongue:;)

    ..on the issue of the 'SUV' ownership....is there some kind of local support group I could attend for such an affliction?
     
  10. Fnaar

    Fnaar Smutmaster General

    Location:
    Thumberland
    Now that is impressive! :tongue:
     
  11. OP
    OP
    Bigtallfatbloke

    Bigtallfatbloke New Member

    ...yep and it's got nothing to do with the size of me legs niver!
     
  12. ChrisKH

    ChrisKH Shorts Adjustment Expert

    Location:
    Essex
    You've just described my car to a T. I like the moss that's growing on the back window personally. This morning I had an early meeting to get to and had to wear a suit; so the battery had to be charged up last night and I had to get up at 6.00 to put the car back together again.
     
  13. bonj2

    bonj2 Guest

    that's what i do aswell
     
  14. Corrado MOT on Monday. Hasnt been driven for mumfs. Wish me luck!