ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
We all have our own tastes in tv I suppose. I had the fortune of visiting Mrs CP's sister and family yesterday for a birthday meal. The food was excellent, the wine flowed, then we retired to the living room. This is for me where the evening (until then fantastic) suddenly became a chore.
A pre-recorded show called 'Take Me Out' was played and the ensembled family (ranging from 5 through 15, 18, 22, 44, 45, 47, 49, 74 and 83 years) couldn't get enough. I just saw 30 vacuous harpies trying to see who could wear the most make-up combined with the least clothing simultaneously. Then the 'man' appeared to try and 'charm them'. It wasn't the recently devoured food that made me a little sick in my mouth, I can tell you. I have never seen such a god-awful display of self-centred crap in my life......
They switched on a show called the X Factor which (for a reason I couldn't fathom) ran for 2 1/2 hours???
I sat trying to make small talk, but the box in the corner had them. They seemed to be drawn in and complicit with the show. They knew the judges, the contestants, the presenters. I had to have all this explained. I just about recognised the Irish one and the bloke (not fat anymore) from Take That, but didn't have a clue about the two ladies of the night with them on the panel. I really thought maybe a couple of tarts from the previous show had sneaked on, put a bit more make-up on, taken a few more clothes off, and suddenly become a litmus paper for popular music in the UK.
She's Lewis Hamilton's girlfriend they cried - So, a racing driver's squeeze is the one playing the Pied-Piper to the UK's TV viewing families? Luring them away into a trance-like state, unquestioning, and willingly offering their time and dare I say deep souls, bending their ears to her every word?
What about the other one?
That's Tulisa - they sneered, now ganging up on the cretin at the back who by now was trying to find solace in the family bookcase; complete with an evidently well-thumbed library of obscure cookery books.
A brief recognition of a song by Spandau Ballet got my attention - looking up to see some bloke in a gold lame vest doing a very bad karaoke of it sent me scurrying deeper into the books.
The next hour or so was spent leafing through Delia, Jamie and Lorainne's offerings; blocking out the screeching on the telly.
Home time (happily) came and we drove home.
I then popped on the web briefly to google Lewis' girlfriend. Pages upon pages spewed forth - showing that it is indeed 'I' that is on a different planet. How could I not know who she was?
I then got ready for bed and set about donning my PJ's.
Waiting for Mrs CP to finish in the bathroom, I decided to jump on the web again to see who or what this Tulisa was. Sat in my PC chair in my PJ top (bottoms still to be adorned I googled Tulisa........
I was shocked to say the least......not by what I saw on screen, but because Mrs CP had by now finished in the bathroom, and was stood in the doorway checking out my googling.
Does anyone know where to buy a new rolling pin?
A pre-recorded show called 'Take Me Out' was played and the ensembled family (ranging from 5 through 15, 18, 22, 44, 45, 47, 49, 74 and 83 years) couldn't get enough. I just saw 30 vacuous harpies trying to see who could wear the most make-up combined with the least clothing simultaneously. Then the 'man' appeared to try and 'charm them'. It wasn't the recently devoured food that made me a little sick in my mouth, I can tell you. I have never seen such a god-awful display of self-centred crap in my life......
They switched on a show called the X Factor which (for a reason I couldn't fathom) ran for 2 1/2 hours???
I sat trying to make small talk, but the box in the corner had them. They seemed to be drawn in and complicit with the show. They knew the judges, the contestants, the presenters. I had to have all this explained. I just about recognised the Irish one and the bloke (not fat anymore) from Take That, but didn't have a clue about the two ladies of the night with them on the panel. I really thought maybe a couple of tarts from the previous show had sneaked on, put a bit more make-up on, taken a few more clothes off, and suddenly become a litmus paper for popular music in the UK.
She's Lewis Hamilton's girlfriend they cried - So, a racing driver's squeeze is the one playing the Pied-Piper to the UK's TV viewing families? Luring them away into a trance-like state, unquestioning, and willingly offering their time and dare I say deep souls, bending their ears to her every word?
What about the other one?
That's Tulisa - they sneered, now ganging up on the cretin at the back who by now was trying to find solace in the family bookcase; complete with an evidently well-thumbed library of obscure cookery books.
A brief recognition of a song by Spandau Ballet got my attention - looking up to see some bloke in a gold lame vest doing a very bad karaoke of it sent me scurrying deeper into the books.
The next hour or so was spent leafing through Delia, Jamie and Lorainne's offerings; blocking out the screeching on the telly.
Home time (happily) came and we drove home.
I then popped on the web briefly to google Lewis' girlfriend. Pages upon pages spewed forth - showing that it is indeed 'I' that is on a different planet. How could I not know who she was?
I then got ready for bed and set about donning my PJ's.
Waiting for Mrs CP to finish in the bathroom, I decided to jump on the web again to see who or what this Tulisa was. Sat in my PC chair in my PJ top (bottoms still to be adorned I googled Tulisa........
I was shocked to say the least......not by what I saw on screen, but because Mrs CP had by now finished in the bathroom, and was stood in the doorway checking out my googling.
Does anyone know where to buy a new rolling pin?
Thankfully enough the weekend only lasts two days!! 
