Our Alcoholic Friend

[Thomk]

So it's reached a point where I think we might be condoning our alcoholic friends behaviour by allowing her to indulge her habit in our house. She and her partner (also an old friend) visit us regularly, stay over night and she uses it as an excuse to get wrecked. By about 8.00pm it's all over, not much fun for the rest of us.

Should we tell her that she is welcome to visit but we would prefer no alcohol to be consumed? Her other friends have drifted away over the years leaving.....um.....just us I think.

 

[ELL]

I would invite them round but say you are giving up for a bit so there wont be any drink.

Could always say that you are trying to concentrate on your fitness for a little while.

 

[Thomk]

The only problem is that it isn't completely honest and they will know and we will know that they know and they will know that we know that they know.........

 

[ELL]

Well if thats the case just come out with it and say you think she is an alcoholic and dont enjoy her company when she gets smashed.

 

[Thomk]

Yes I like that one.

 

[Octet]

If you are supplying the alcohol then you are obviously in control, it depends what you are drinking (wine, cocktails etc.) but if you can some how slow down the consumption, or quantities then it might work.

With a cocktail it is easy, just mix it with more fruit juice then normal, make sure you have plenty of food to help absorb the alcohol in the stomach, not meals but things like nuts and crisps.

Good luck!

 

[mickle]

Replace all the wine with alchohol free when shes not looking.

 

[ColinJ]

My sister had a friend like that. I remember her trying to kiss my elderly father when he offered to drive her home since she was barely capable of walking. She isn't around any more - she drank herself to death ...

I say - tell the friend that there will be no drinking during her visits!

 

[Thomk]

She only drinks wine and brings some with her. If we didn't have enough she would send her chap to get more. This has been going on for years and i'm starting to think that on the day of her death from liver failure i'm going to wonder why I just sat back and watched her die while smiling sweetly and passing her another bottle of plonk.

 

[Thomk]

My sister had a friend like that. I remember her trying to kiss my elderly father when he offered to drive her home since she was barely capable of walking. She isn't around any more - she drank herself to death ...

I say - tell the friend that there will be no drinking during her visits!

Crossed posts but I think we are on the same page.

 

[Baggy]

Well if thats the case just come out with it and say you think she is an alcoholic and dont enjoy her company when she gets smashed.

Tried a similar approach to this with a friend of mine after years of gently debating with her that getting smashed didn't have to be the main goal on a night out, on a Sunday lunch, and eventually on any given evening that you just happened to pop round for a cuppa. She was taking days off sick as she was so hungover, but convincing herself she had food poisoning.

As she saw it, the problem was all mine because I was jealous, boring and had forgotten how to let my hair down. There was no need for me to worry about her, and she was offended that I thought she might be overdoing it.

We don't speak any more

 

[Flying Dodo]

She only drinks wine and brings some with her. If we didn't have enough she would send her chap to get more. This has been going on for years and i'm starting to think that on the day of her death from liver failure i'm going to wonder why I just sat back and watched her die while smiling sweetly and passing her another bottle of plonk.

Sadly, with the majority of alcoholics, trying to confront them or get them to change their ways just won't make a difference. They'll carry on regardless. I used to be married to one, and put up with increasing amounts of hassle, abuse and drunkenness over nearly 20 years. She's still drinking even though she's lost her home and virtually all access to the children. There is quite a lot of support available which made me realise the children & I didn't have to put up with that crap any more.

If you don't want your friend to get wasted round your place and crash out, tell her up front. Be brutally honest. It's the only way, for your own sanity and peace of mind.

 

[Baggy]

It's a difficult thing to try and deal with - if you don't give her more drink, you'll maybe feel a bit better but she'll get it elsewhere. Presumably her partner doesn't put up any argument if he buys it for her?

If you meet the issue head on it might shock her into thinking about her actions, or it might mean you become another set of friends who she's drifted away from. Probably the latter.

Cross posted with Flying Dodo, who has put it all much better than I have.

 

[MrJamie]

She only drinks wine and brings some with her. If we didn't have enough she would send her chap to get more. This has been going on for years and i'm starting to think that on the day of her death from liver failure i'm going to wonder why I just sat back and watched her die while smiling sweetly and passing her another bottle of plonk.

Is the feeling guilty for not intervening as much or more part of it as the annoyance of hanging around people getting hopelessly drunk? ie. Watching Alcoholism vs annoying friend who gets too wasted.

I wouldnt blame yourself for allowing it, I suspect if they couldn't drink at your house theyd drink elsewhere - that being the priority.

 

[ASC1951]

Should we tell her that she is welcome to visit but we would prefer no alcohol to be consumed?

I think ELL has it spot on - tell her why you don't enjoy her company.

She may well blame you and drift away as well. So be it. You can't live her life for her, nor is it your duty to sort her out - even if you could.