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[User169]

 

[Maz]

Marriage is like a deck of cards; At first, it's all hearts and diamonds. In the end, all you really want is a club and a spade.

 

[ColinJ]

Marriage is like a deck of cards; At first, it's all hearts and diamonds. In the end, all you really want is a club and a spade.

Ha ha!

I was thinking along those lines last night when I watched a recording of Hitchcock's Rear Window. In one apartment, newly-weds with their blinds down, bonking like rabbits for a couple of days, and a couple of apartments away, a husband murders his wife!

 

[swee'pea99]

"...first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

- Shakespeare, Henry VI

 

[yello]

It's the disposable society innit? Or keep the receipt for exchange or refund.

I dunno, back in the good old days praps people made marriages work. Or perhaps they just lived in misery. Perhaps along with our 'exchange or refund' expectations we are also more open and honest - and perhaps selfish - about what we want.

I'm reminded of a friend's parents. When they married, in rural Ireland some 60 odd years ago, they pretty much only had each other as marriage candidates. I guess theirs was a partnership as much as a marriage. A common aim, sharing a life, bringing up a family. Love was perhaps something that developed along the way? I'm guessing, no idea in truth. My point is attitudes clearly change. Perhaps signs in supermarkets seem shocking partly because they reflect that change.

 

[sheddy]

A woman needs to love her man a little, and to understand him a lot.
A man needs to understand her woman a little, and to love her a lot.

(I think) thats what they said on the R4 PM show today

 

[xxmimixx]

If at the bottom it read something like 'Samaritans' or some kind of counseling charity, or Relate then it would be understandable and may be useful to someone but to come from lawyers that do not care an inch about one's or the other happiness but all can see is the color of moneythen that's very sad indeed.

Having said that, my parents were not married and were very unhappy together (to put it very mildly) I asked the many times to separate just to live in peace, I would have jumped at the opportunity to live in a happy household albeit just with mum or dad (at any one time) as long as there were no screams like an horror movie 24/7. But no - it wasnt to be. They stayed together 20yr + before parting ways, always thought what an idiotic thing to do to stay together and ruin your best years rather than part and start afresh/find happiness elsewhere, even alone.

Anyways I am happily married and take my vows very seriously. I am adamant that my marriage is for life (and we are very compatible) and to give my kids a happy household. We do argue as every normal couple does but this also teaches our kids that is ok to have disagreements and that after an argument, we still love each other and after a little while act as nothing has ever happened.
But there are some thing which I would not condone and of which he is aware of, and if they were to happen then I would end it in a second. (some which would be the same for me)

 

[yello]

It is sometimes difficult for me to accept that arguing is something to be expected in a marriage (or indeed any relationship). How can you argue with, and hate even, someone you profess to love? Truth is, when you're spending that amount of time with someone then arguing is going to happen at some point. The important thing is to get it into context and not feel beholden to it. Don't let it ruin your life.

It's a good life lesson to learn how to apologise, to not dig your heels in or stand your ground. Accept that people (yourself included) are fallible and can be awkward. It's okay to be human

 

[SavageHoutkop]

[QUOTE 1669990, member: 45"]My eyes were opened up to this in a big way when I started working with people with disabilities. I don't think many people consider their partner becoming an (eg) MS sufferer when signing the book.[/quote]
I had reason recently to discuss this with a lady who's paralysed from the waist down and who is involved in helping other people with disabilities.
Her comment was that 90% of women who become disabled also lose their partner, where 90% of men who become disabled do not...

 

[Silver Fox]

I'm keeping my thoughts on divorce solicitors to myself.

 

[Globalti]

I have two neighbours who have separated amicably, as far as I know no lawyers have been involved and both are still on good terms with their former spouses. I can see that as soon as you went to a lawyer the whole thing would escalate into war.

 

[ColinJ]

It is sometimes difficult for me to accept that arguing is something to be expected in a marriage (or indeed any relationship). How can you argue with, and hate even, someone you profess to love?

I love my ex and she loves me but we can't help arguing, and that's why we split up!

Example of a recent argument:

Ex steps into road without looking and is about to get hit by a bus. I grab her by the arm and yank her back to safety on the pavement. The bus misses her by inches.

Ex: "Don't you grab hold of me like that! Why did you do that?"

CJ: "You were about to get squashed by that bus!"

Ex: "What bus?"

I point to the bus ...

CJ: "THAT bus!"

Ex: "I didn't see it!"

CJ: "You stepped into the road without looking!"

Ex: "No, I didn't!"

CJ: "Well if you did look, why didn't you see the bus then!"

Ex: "Don't take that tone with me!"

CJ: "I just don't want to watch you die in front of me! I'm always telling you to pay more attention crossing the road ..."

Ex: "I manage to cross the road all the time without your help, thank you!"

CJ: "That's probably what your mum used to say until she did what you just did and got hit by a bus!"

(The bus driver had stomped on the brakes and Ex's ma was knocked off her feet, but was not run over.)

And so it went on ...

 

[xxmimixx]

It is sometimes difficult for me to accept that arguing is something to be expected in a marriage (or indeed any relationship). How can you argue with, and hate even, someone you profess to love?

You cant expect to agree and always share the same point of view with someone. Im not talking about nasty arguments, just lively disagreements I think it would be boring if you never disagreed or anything, it would feel almost fake. The bond I have with my husband is the same as the one I have for my mum, dad etc he is part of my family, part of me and I have accepted as he is and will work around things that we dont agree on. People change, it's just natural and as you grow older together you adapt. I am proud of every year we have together for I know is a big achievement that many people either take for granted or dont take seriously enough and give up at the first hurdle.
But first and foremost you have to be a 'team' and work together not against each other, no other family involved, is just the two of you, and for every decision taken for the benefit of the family is agreed between the two, I dont believe couples doing their own things without considering the other.

 

[xxmimixx]

I love my ex and she loves me but we can't help arguing, and that's why we split up!

Example of a recent argument:

I step into road without looking and is about to get hit by a bus. I grab her by the arm and yank her back to safety on the pavement. The bus misses her by inches.

Me "Don't you grab hold of me like that! Why did you do that?"

Hubby: "You were about to get squashed by that bus!"

Me: "What bus?"

I point to the bus ...

Hubby: "THAT bus!"

Me: "I didn't see it!"

Hubby: "You stepped into the road without looking!"

Me: "No I didnt"

Hubby: "Well if you did look, why didn't you see the bus then!"

Me: "Because there was no bus!"

Hubby: "I just don't want to watch you die in front of me! I'm always telling you to pay more attention crossing the road ..."

Me: "Yeh right you are just worrying of who would iron your shirt and cook you dinner, wanst you? "

Hubby: "Well yeah and I need a nanny for the kids"

Me: Watch out or you might end under a bus if you dont shut your cakehole

And so it went on ...

both pulling faces at each other like 10 year olds

I have changed to what it would be like between me and my husband.
As soon as we feel the discussion is getting heated, we would bring it down by starting to bring some humor in. Yes it does help if you do share a sense of humor

 

[ColinJ]

I sometimes come out with some wickedly funny remarks during arguments and my ex ends up laughing despite being cross with me, and that starts me laughing too, and then we calm down.