Passing of Parents.

[yello]

My father died x years ago at the age of... I don't know, in his 80s? That's telling I suppose. We weren't close. We hadn't fallen out. I moved away, overseas, and lived my own life, did my own things.

We spoke a few weeks before he died (pancreatic cancer) He asked me not to come back (from overseas) He wanted to see out his life as 'normally' as possible. I got that. My being there would have just reminded him, been too difficult. There was no malice on either side. We finished the phone conversation knowing that was the last time we'd speak. Weird.

When he died I can honestly say I felt next to nothing. Indeed, any response was more due my lack of response. I didn't hate him, I just didn't know him. I feel no sadness nor shame in me saying that either. It was as it was.

 

[Jameshow]

Both my parents are long gone. Between now and the funeral is the worst part. After the funeral and while having drinks. You will all recall the funny and daft things your dad did. These stories will be told at dinner parties and family gatherings forever.

My biggest regret is not appreciating what my parents did for me and my 5 siblings. We had no money, no holidays, not much for christmas. But how they kept us all clean, fed and happy is a mystery to me. We all grew up to be productive and successful people.

My condolences on your fathers passing. It will get better.

My biggest regret was taking them for granted. I'd just arrive and just settle into the sofa with a cuppa tea, talk about everyday thinks not think it would be the last. Not asking those questions about his history or something he had done, or explored deeper subjects of faith etc.

I also wish he had stayed around for him to me any new partner of mine. Someone who would really like to spend time with him and laugh with him...

 

[wafter]

Mum lived with me, so her stuff is rammed into my place. So no time constraints.

I'll be glad to have my cupboard space / storage space / utility room back. The trouble is, both parents were hoarders.

That's good to hear - while doubtless still a horrible task at least you don't have timescales and associated costs hanging over your head.

Good luck getting it sorted

 

[Ming the Merciless]

My dad died when he was 52. I'm now 58. I really wish i could talk to him.

My dad died a year younger. Yes counting down to the day you are the exact same age, including days is something I did as well. I think it is something we all do if a parent dies young. I was in lower sixth form when he died. He did not even get to see me reach drinking age. I have a photo taken in the countryside on the day I was the exact age he died. Felt good to be alive. It still does.

He was a smoker, which did for him. Made my mother give up, which has done her good, and she is still around. The nicotine stains that came out, when we cleaned the wall paper in our house 🤢

 

[Gwylan]

Bittersweet, not something I dwell on too much.

 

[Reynard]

Good luck getting it sorted

Thanks, we may be a while. Half a car load of books taken to the book exchange in the village today, and three bags of serviceable clothes gone to the clothes bank that raises funds for the village hall.

It pains me about the books as I love books, but I have so many of my own books stashed in boxes that I can't get to, that tomes on subjects that don't interest me have to go.

 

[Jameshow]

My dad died a year younger. Yes counting down to the day you are the exact same age, including days is something I did as well. I think it is something we all do if a parent dies young. I was in lower sixth form when he died. He did not even get to see me reach drinking age. I have a photo taken in the countryside on the day I was the exact age he died. Felt good to be alive. It still does.

He was a smoker, which did for him. Made my mother give up, which has done her good, and she is still around. The nicotine stains that came out, when we cleaned the wall paper in our house 🤢

That's hard I had a friend die a similar age mid fifties. I have to be glad I had such a long time with my dad.

I think loosing your dad for a son really is a watershed moment. A male menopause as it were.

 

[lazybloke]

Any one lost parents recently?
My dad passed early this morning after short illness aged late 80s.

Very sorry to hear that.

My wife lost her father VERY recently, we are still making arrangements for the funeral early next month.

He was also late 80s, but had been ill for years. He had really suffered in the last year, and especially in his last days, so his eventual passing felt almost merciful. And we're thankful that palliative care gave him a peaceful final night. When he finally slipped away the next morning, we thought it calm and serene. We're comforted that he wasn't in distress any longer, and that his pain had finally ended.

 

[Deafie]

My dad died a year younger. Yes counting down to the day you are the exact same age, including days is something I did as well. I think it is something we all do if a parent dies young. I was in lower sixth form when he died. He did not even get to see me reach drinking age. I have a photo taken in the countryside on the day I was the exact age he died. Felt good to be alive. It still does.

He was a smoker, which did for him. Made my mother give up, which has done her good, and she is still around. The nicotine stains that came out, when we cleaned the wall paper in our house 🤢

I'm glad you still have your mum, I felt cast adrift when I lost mine, she too outlasted my dad.
You reminded me of the nightmare of painting and decorating in the UK in the 80's, washing nicotine off walls, doors and cabinets with sugar soap before painting