People repeating themselves.

[longers]

I'm hoping the combined excellence of CC knowledge has an answer for this random question.

My Gran tells the the same stories over and over again, she has done for years but it's now getting to the stage where I'm wondering if it would be beneficial for her long term mental health if there was a way of encouraging her to replay some different memories and how best to go about doing that.

If we should let her carry on as is then we'll know that we're doing the right thing.

Selfishly I hope the answer is that we need to help her with recalling her other memories but I don't know how to do that, I think I'm a good listener but not good at steering the conversation.

Any ideas please?

 

[beanzontoast]

My dad's a bit the same with stories of what he got up to in WW2.

Do you have access to family event photos from her younger days that you could show her, and get her to talk about the events in them?

 

[Night Train]

What sort of stories are they and from what period of her life?
Is she aware that she has told the same stories before and how often does she repeat them?

As Beanzontoast says, maybe find things/people to prompt other memories to talk about.

It may be because she finds security in reliving certain aspects of life as they then become so much more familiar to her then everything else and helps her to feel that she still has her memories. Perhaps that is compensating for some loss of memories in other areas that either she is not aware of or is chosing to pretend weren't there or were not important.

 

[wobbler]

My dad did this. So I would take him for drives round the area he spent his childhood and places where he worked. His face would light up when we got to one big old factory, he would say "That is the Sunbeamland". He used to make bikes there. He would tell some different stories for a while after that. I think it made some difference.

 

[longers]

Do you have access to family event photos from her younger days that you could show her, and get her to talk about the events in them?

That's a very good idea Beanz, thankyou. Bloody obvious now you mention it

I was also wondering how to or if we should be trying to diplomatically and politely interrupt her when she's repeating herself or let her finish?

 

[marinyork]

What about if she met some new people or ones she doesn't see that often? They might get talking about something different.

 

[Night Train]

My dad did this. So I would take him for drives round the area he spent his childhood and places where he worked. His face would light up when we got to one big old factory, he would say "That is the Sunbeamland". He used to make bikes there. He would tell some different stories for a while after that. I think it made some difference.

After I moved my folks up from London Dad got quite depressed as he had given up his home, business, friends and community.
We took my folks on a day trip to Harrogate, where they both first met, and just left them to wonder around (while we followed at a respectful distance) finding all the places where they each worked, where they lived, places they met up after work and where they did their courting. It was really sweet seeing Dad's face light up and Mum get a little embarrassed as they found the little pedestrian tunnel where, I presume, they got a little 'moment to themselves' during their walks home form work.
I hadn't realised that after they left Harrogate they had never been back there but it brought the memories flooding back though.

 

[fossyant]

TBH I'd interrupt her, just to spark a reaction/another thought....... and to stimulate a conversation....... ?

My MIL had a bad stroke a few years back, and she's been disabled by it, it's restricted speech and mobility............but she put's it on at times (speech)............ it's so damn annoying.............

You can have a conversation on the phone with her, go round and it's 'ugg' point ''ugg' - we've got to the point we ignore the 'ugg' and ask what she wants, then get an answer......... argh............

She interacts with the kids etc, but she drives my father in law mad with silly demands........... and he is getting on too.......

Longers, certainly interact and steer the conversation................ just TELL them what you've done today....... TBH the older folk do need some input sometimes............. those less mobile don't get to do stuff, and they really do want to know what we've been up to...............

My MIL even asked me last night about my shoulder....I said...I'm getting an operation on it.... TBH, they don't have much to worry about and get a bit self absorbed, so tell them what's going on...... my MIL was very worried about the local bus crash that closed the main road off at 6.30am....... not that any of us are up at that time..................

Keep them busy mentally..................

 

[Noodley]

Put together a photo album with her: getting some old photos together WITH her rather than FOR her would be best...then she could speak about why she wanted them...

...and don't interupt repeated stories, they mean something to the teller.

 

[yello]

It may be because she finds security in reliving certain aspects of life as they then become so much more familiar to her then everything else and helps her to feel that she still has her memories.

I read something somewhere that suggested something similar. It reinforces the sense of identity to repeat memories. There's an awareness of repeating oneself but that's secondary to the desire to relive the moment. You've perhaps heard old folk say 'all you have left is your memories', well I guess that's the nub of it.

I like the photo albums idea. That could rekindle some memories and trigger new stories.

 

[Globalti]

My MIL doesn't do it much because she's a telly addict and is always talking about the latest from Corrie or Big Brother (yes, I know....)

My Mum on the other hand has been doing it for years and now the tape loop is getting shorter so you get the same stories not just every week but sometimes twice a day. And now, her memory is really failing so things that happened to other people are becoming her own experiences. The only thing is to quietly interrupt with "you've just told us that story". The problem is that she has a stock of funny dinner party anecdotes and she forgets that she's already told them to everybody she knows, several times. We all do it to a greater or lesser extent though, we have to admit.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

My Gran repeated herself endlessly, we always let her carry on - she still enjoyed the stories and why shouldn't she. I always felt a bit hesitant in asking her about her life for some strange reason but my seven year old daughter just get stuck in one day and she told us loads of stories about family life growing up in Grimsby in the 30s and 40s none of which we'd heard before.

 

[longers]

Many thanks all, helping her to choose photographs for an album sounds like a good idea to me.

Her and grandad did a fair bit of tandemming after the war and before my dad was born, it'd be nice to hear some new stories from that period. I had a photo of them both on it and took it to work for someone to scan for me but she lost it, I hope there's another copy.

 

[rusky]

Why not get her to write down some of the stories too? My Gran used to repeat stories & she started to write some of them down.

Unfortunately, we lost the stories & since she passed away, all the stories of her childhood, family history etc.

 

[gbb]

I awlays noticed at my current employers that a few people there retell you something over and over. Its not long term stuff...its habit. They'll tell you how they did something for instance, then expand on it...and tell you the same again on the end of it...and then sometimes repeat it again. I think it comes from the boss and has worked its way down. Drive it into your skull
.
I am aware when i'm telling a story i may have already told it. I do ask sometimes...'have i told you this before ?'

Its memory loss i reckon...i know mines not as good as it was.