Public embarrassments - what's your best one?

[Chilternrides]

Worked late on Monday, grabbed a bit of a doze at work before starting again on Tuesday (I did have a change of clothes and washing gear before anyone starts!).

So, unsurprisingly I was a bit whacked out going home on Tuesday night. Caught the train home and made a point of making some pompous selfish git stick his small briefcase on the overhead rack instead of "reserving" additional space for himself by placing on one of the few remaining vacant seats next to him.

Plonked myself down and closed my eyes for a few seconds; there was a lady in the seat behind who had a lovely soft voice, and I remember thinking how unintrusive it was despite her chatting away almost non-stop to her friend next to her.

I was really enjoying this soft voice floating around inside my head and the comfortable warm feeling of her next to me - except of course she wasn't.

I'd only bloody dozed off onto the shoulder of the bloke I'd had a go at earlier about shifting his bag .

So come on, humour me - I'm not the only one to have ever done this kind of thing am I? (I'm worried about the answers already ).

 

[Vapin' Joe]

Could have been worse, your head might have ended up resting on his lap.

 

[Baggy]

Possibly my best, and definitely the most painful, has to be walking up the Tube platform at one of the Claphams - the platform is like an island between the rails...with benches and signs in the middle. Two trains pulled in at the same time and the platform was packed, so the maximum possible number of people saw me walk headfirst into a signpost

 

[ASC1951]

Not just me, then...
A few years ago now, walking down into town and admiring a very well put together young woman striding along on the opposite pavement. Then someone whacked me on the side of the head and I got back to my feet to find that I had walked slap into a bus stop. My, how we all laughed.

 

[Chilternrides]

Could have been worse, your head might have ended up resting on his lap.

Oh no, don't even put that thought in my mind!

ASC & Baggy - DOIIIIIIIINGGGGGG!

Thanks!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I was really enjoying this soft voice floating around inside my head and the comfortable warm feeling of her next to me - except of course she wasn't.

I'd only bloody dozed off onto the shoulder of the bloke I'd had a go at earlier about shifting his bag .

At least you proved how much you needed that seat!

Talking of trains, I once actually fell asleep on the 'Slammer' between Lymington Pier and Brockenhurst. All 6 miles of it. What made it worse was that it was the last train of the night, so I had to get a taxi back to Lymington (I had been going to Lymington Town).
The rather amused ticket guy was in no doubt that it was some sort of record and I should have been in receipt of a trophy for it (it was the last week of 'Slammer' operation and I'd 'supposedly' have got it on the last day).

Also, at London Bridge Station a few years back, after a few pints, I was in a hurry to get a train, when suddenly, my belt gave way and my trousers fell down. Luckily only a rather amused member of platform staff saw me, but, still.

I have another VERY Embarrassing one, but I'll say later because it warrants its own post.

 

[Fnaar]

About to give a talk to 100 or so people. Went for a wee. Splashback. Beige trousers. Feck feck feckity feck... paper towels didn't quite do the job, and I think I gave the talk standing with my legs crossed to try and hide the evidence.

 

[Archie_tect]

When I was still a youngster many years ago, one Christmas Eve afternoon, I had to deliver a box of legal papers to a solicitor's office on the corner of Mosley Street and Grey Street in the centre of Newcastle- one of the busiest party areas in Newcastle. Hundreds of drunk and vocal office people out on the streets having finished work for Christmas.

Bent down to leave the heavy box of files on the floor in the reception to hear my trouser seam tear from my belt round to the zip fly exposing all and sundry.

I had to walk from the solicitors up Grey Street to where my car was parked halfway up. Within seconds a group of very loud office girls noticed and shouted hysterically, "He's ripped his kegs...wahaygerr'emoff!"- in seconds the whole street knew and the cat-call level increased. That walk was the longest in my life.

 

[vernon]

I walked briskly towards an automatically opening sliding glass door to leave the shop at a garage only to find myself walking into an invisible force field which floored me. The automatic glass door was not automatic.

 

[Cubist]

Errm, I once spotted a very attractive woman in the most amazing pair of shorts as I drove in queuing traffic through Halifax. I was enjoying the view so much I drove straight into the back of the car in front. Many people about, but what made it worse was the fact that the car I'd driven into was being driven by my Sergeant's wife. Whoops.

 

[PaulB]

I volunteered to obtain a very expensive glass model of the human thoracic aorta structure from behind our medical stand so we could demonstrate to a group of vascular surgeons how our stent-graft worked when, all eyes agog, I bashed it onto the shelf containing our products and the bloody thing shattered into a billion and one pieces. That was enjoyable.

 

[Cletus Van Damme]

When I was stoned and a boy racer in 1990 at a guess. I was in my Nova SR with some mates blasting out rave music and driving through a large car park in a retail area where all the boy racer's used to hang out trying to look cool. I ended up driving right over one of the car park divider reservations, was quite a high kerb, can't remember if I was looking at girls or what. What a bang, fortunately my car was ok but I felt a prat, which I was anyway back then

In a similar incident I was in a different car park in a car with this really fit bird whom had borrowed her parents nearly new Astra GTE. She was driving like a total loon and ended up reversing the car up onto a massive rock that was like a feature of the car park. The rock was around 2ft high. Me and some mates had to lift it off, it was pretty messed up.

Strange the stupid things that people do when young. I have no interest at all in cars now, or weed and realise what a knob I was so please do not remind me

 

[PaulB]

This one doesn't really involve me but I was a (very near) witness.

I was flying to Aberdeen on a 17-seater business flight from Leeds. The take-off was very bad with extremely strong winds buffeting the plane all over the place. Once at cruising altitude though, all was fine.

I was sitting in the very back seat but there was a pull-out behind me, just before the toilets, where the stewardess sat during take-off and landing.

As we descended, the buffeting became more and more noticeable. The lower we dropped, the worse the scary lunges the plane made. The pilot gave his instructions for everyone to buckle up as we were coming in to land and the stewardess strapped herself into the bucket seat behind me.

Desperately trying to take my mind off the dreadful buffeting, I concentrated totally on the magazine I was reading when I noticed someone above the magazine eye-line in front of me get out of his seat. He stood, half in, half out of his seat and into the aisle. The stewardess shouted out at him to sit down and buckle up but he stood motionless (almost) for several seconds, face turned to us and the toilet behind us. The look on his face was one of sheer panic. The stewardess shouted to him again informing him the pilot had ordered everyone to put on their seat belts as we were coming in to land.

His face dropped and he sat down to the sound of his buckle clicking...and the unMISTAKEABLE Dame Judy of, well, shite filling the tiny cabin of the plane!

He was clearly attempting to get to the toilet and the scary lurches of the plane speeded up his peristaltic movements where it came to the point of inevitability.

Although there were only 17 passengers and the stewardess, nevertheless, everyone on board was made aware of the guy's predicament.

Interestingly enough, he was on the same return flight that night but was sporting a different pair of trousers.

 

[colly]

When I was about 18 or so I worked in central London and caught a train up to Waterloo every morning. If I was late there was hell to pay and one morning I knew I was cutting it fine and already rushing down the stairs to the platform I saw my train just edging away.
Being the old type 'slam door' trains I upped the pace opened the door and leaped in slammed the door behind me and flopped into the seat.

Everyone in there turned to look at me in bafflement as the train slowly pulled to a halt. Coming in not pulling out.

Not me but my then new mrs. She went shopping into the centre of town for groceries. Catching the bus back from town she had the carrier bag on her lap on the crowded bus. At the appropriate stop she stood to leave and felt something amiss 'downstairs'.

Looking down she saw her crotch and thighs covered in cream from a split pot in the carrier bag. It was everywhere. On her on the seat, by now all down her legs onto the floor.

 

[tyred]

About 10 years ago, sitting in a car park in an old VW Polo with gear selection difficulties due to a very worn gear linkage, I was unable to select reverse to reverse out of the car parking space I was in. I was pointing down hill so didn't fancy pushing the car up hill myself. There was a footpath between me and the road. I looked out and saw that the kerb was only about three inches high so waited until there were no pedestrians and went to drive over it. I hadn't considered that there might be a 12" drop on the kerb on the other side next the road so ended up with a Polo beached on top of the footpath and having to stop and ask people to help me get it back off again