Public embarrassments - what's your best one?
- Thread starter Chilternrides
- Start date
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You sir, are currently in poll position, magnificent!
swee'pea99
Squire
Not me but...
My old man, early in his advertising career, was ordered to be in a client's photo as one of the businessmen in party hats with blow-it whizzy things cheering a bunny girl emerging from a large cake. Yes, this was awhile back.
The day in question had started with him taking a foul hangover to the dentist for some root canal work, so you can imagine how much he enjoyed the shoot. 20 minutes later, as he describes it: 'I'm walking along Baker street, head still pounding, when I suddenly catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window. A moment later, a hundred people in Baker Street are watching this absolutely murderous looking bloke in a business suit, with a briefcase, jumping up and down in the middle of the pavement on a little purple party hat...'
My old man, early in his advertising career, was ordered to be in a client's photo as one of the businessmen in party hats with blow-it whizzy things cheering a bunny girl emerging from a large cake. Yes, this was awhile back.
The day in question had started with him taking a foul hangover to the dentist for some root canal work, so you can imagine how much he enjoyed the shoot. 20 minutes later, as he describes it: 'I'm walking along Baker street, head still pounding, when I suddenly catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window. A moment later, a hundred people in Baker Street are watching this absolutely murderous looking bloke in a business suit, with a briefcase, jumping up and down in the middle of the pavement on a little purple party hat...'
Many moons ago at the local dry ski slope I throught I would show off in front of the beginners class that had just started at the bottom of the slope.
With speed I raced to the bottom in a style Franz Klamer would have been proud of and as I prepared to expertly parallel stop, the front of my ski caught a raised part of the slope which resulted in me tumbling to the ground and ripping the arse out of my trousers.
I am not sure what hurt more, the howls of laughter from the entire class or the fact that my buttocks were red raw as it was several days before sitting again became comfortable.
With speed I raced to the bottom in a style Franz Klamer would have been proud of and as I prepared to expertly parallel stop, the front of my ski caught a raised part of the slope which resulted in me tumbling to the ground and ripping the arse out of my trousers.
I am not sure what hurt more, the howls of laughter from the entire class or the fact that my buttocks were red raw as it was several days before sitting again became comfortable.
2PedalsTez
Über Member
Being the kind person I am, I offered moral support to my wife who needed her big toenail removed due to it being ingrown.
So there as she squirmed (kinda) sat on the bed as I sat in the chair next to her holding her hand. I made polite conversation with the operating doctor over my admiration of the health service and watched as she began the op with fitting a tourniquet to my good lady's toe, followed by the local anesthetic. I then (still chatting, albeit a little more nervously) watched as the doctor proceeded to slide a scalpel under the toenail, cut it down its length with what looked like a pair of wire cutters and then using some pliers began to pull the toenail out... I say 'began' as building up to this I had a rather uncomfortable clammy feel, loss of hearing and tunnel vision. The next thing I know, I come to, laid in the bed opposite my wife with a number of nurses etc in a panic making sure I was ok. My wife sat patiently up to the point that she felt the need to ask whether they would be kind enough to remove the tourniquet still attached to her big toe!
My wife may have found this incident mildly amusing had she not had previous experience of me losing conscious a few years before in what I can only describe as a far more personal 'challenge'.
So there as she squirmed (kinda) sat on the bed as I sat in the chair next to her holding her hand. I made polite conversation with the operating doctor over my admiration of the health service and watched as she began the op with fitting a tourniquet to my good lady's toe, followed by the local anesthetic. I then (still chatting, albeit a little more nervously) watched as the doctor proceeded to slide a scalpel under the toenail, cut it down its length with what looked like a pair of wire cutters and then using some pliers began to pull the toenail out... I say 'began' as building up to this I had a rather uncomfortable clammy feel, loss of hearing and tunnel vision. The next thing I know, I come to, laid in the bed opposite my wife with a number of nurses etc in a panic making sure I was ok. My wife sat patiently up to the point that she felt the need to ask whether they would be kind enough to remove the tourniquet still attached to her big toe!
My wife may have found this incident mildly amusing had she not had previous experience of me losing conscious a few years before in what I can only describe as a far more personal 'challenge'.
Chrisz
Über Member
- Location
- Sittingbourne
"Camping" by the River Wye in early spring many years ago. The river bank had a large ledge so we based ourselves on it to stay out of the breeze.
We decided to go to the pub for a couple and as a consequence I woke up very early in the morning for a leek. I got out in just my pants, walked to the river edge and did my best to get my stream mid-stream (it's a boy thing!).
Whilst admiring the very picturesque view - early dawn, sun just rising, slight mist on the river etc. I decided to let rip with a breeze of my own. Finished, emptied and feeling qoite satisfied with myself i turned to go back to our tent - only to find a little row of older people sitting on the bank above with easels and watercolours trying to capture the scene!
My cheery wave and hello went unanswered.
We decided to go to the pub for a couple and as a consequence I woke up very early in the morning for a leek. I got out in just my pants, walked to the river edge and did my best to get my stream mid-stream (it's a boy thing!).
Whilst admiring the very picturesque view - early dawn, sun just rising, slight mist on the river etc. I decided to let rip with a breeze of my own. Finished, emptied and feeling qoite satisfied with myself i turned to go back to our tent - only to find a little row of older people sitting on the bank above with easels and watercolours trying to capture the scene!
My cheery wave and hello went unanswered.
BearPear
Veteran
- Location
- God's Own County
I am laughing out loud at this one... reminds me of a family walk more than 30 years ago at Bolton Abbey with my parents (they had me when they were 18 so were still youngsters themselves!). Anyway my mother decided she needed to wee and went off down the river bank and ducked out of sight, or so she thought - she looked across the river to see a scout troup walking along the opposite side! Oh how we laughed!!
Nice one.. which reminds me of the time many many moons ago when I was a very keen fisherman. It was very early one morning and I needed a dump. I went behind some bushes and had a good old empty of the bowels. Cleaned myself up. Turned around to see an old fella in some allotments, leaning on a garden hoe or spade looking at me.... 'Good morning for it' he said......!
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
My best one wasn't actually witnessed happening, but I wish it had been caught on camera, because I'd have loved to see it!
Out on a rural ride with some friends, most of the group were ahead, two chaps some way behind chatting, I decided to stop and take my jacket off. Pulled over to the side of the road, and put my foot down on the grass verge, which was higher than the tarmac. Except it wasn't, it was lower, and the grass was long. So I out a foot out, started to lean, carried on leaning, and some more, then my foot hit bottom and I went right over sideways, 180 degrees, and ended up upside down, in the ditch under the hedge, still 'on' my bike, feet on pedals, wheels spinning lazily.
Not only that, but I was wedged, and couldn't get up. Luckily the two chaps behind came along in a matter of seconds and hauled me out. I'd love to see it happen, because it's probably the most graceful and athletic thing I've ever done!
I usually look like I've been dragged through a hedge, that day, I had an excuse!
Out on a rural ride with some friends, most of the group were ahead, two chaps some way behind chatting, I decided to stop and take my jacket off. Pulled over to the side of the road, and put my foot down on the grass verge, which was higher than the tarmac. Except it wasn't, it was lower, and the grass was long. So I out a foot out, started to lean, carried on leaning, and some more, then my foot hit bottom and I went right over sideways, 180 degrees, and ended up upside down, in the ditch under the hedge, still 'on' my bike, feet on pedals, wheels spinning lazily.
Not only that, but I was wedged, and couldn't get up. Luckily the two chaps behind came along in a matter of seconds and hauled me out. I'd love to see it happen, because it's probably the most graceful and athletic thing I've ever done!
I usually look like I've been dragged through a hedge, that day, I had an excuse!
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
My Dad has been responsible for several of mine (like the time he told our relatives that the Chemo I had had had made me infertile. Oh how we laughed!), but by far the worst, was when we were on holiday in Italy a few years back, and were at the airport waiting to come home. We got talking to a family who had an Autistic son, and we got talking about how I had been learning some things about it recently (I went through an odd period where I found it really interesting for some strange reason and would read the likes of Uta Frith et al).
Anyway, mid way through our conversation, my Dad suddenly pipes up
'In fact we have a family friend who is a Doctor, and she thinks that Douglas (me) is slightly Autistic'
Cue probably the most absurd conversation I have ever had (with everyone else waiting to board the plane watching) with the family saying how I most certainly wasn't Autistic, and me telling them that I had brain damage as a baby and have many different problems in the vain hope of both agreeing with them that I wasn't Autistic and trying to explain my Dad's comment at the same time, and that medical science still doesn't quite know everything about the subject.
The thing is, this was the very first time I had heard my Dad say what he had just said, so I suddenly had so many doubt running through my head.
The boy had 2 or 3 other siblings, and they were all looking at me as though I had just climbed out of a swamp, whilst, at the same time, my Dad had conveniently buggered off!
I could have happily strangled my Dad on the spot, and what was worse, I never explained to the family later on what had happened.
Anyway, mid way through our conversation, my Dad suddenly pipes up
'In fact we have a family friend who is a Doctor, and she thinks that Douglas (me) is slightly Autistic'
Cue probably the most absurd conversation I have ever had (with everyone else waiting to board the plane watching) with the family saying how I most certainly wasn't Autistic, and me telling them that I had brain damage as a baby and have many different problems in the vain hope of both agreeing with them that I wasn't Autistic and trying to explain my Dad's comment at the same time, and that medical science still doesn't quite know everything about the subject.
The thing is, this was the very first time I had heard my Dad say what he had just said, so I suddenly had so many doubt running through my head.
The boy had 2 or 3 other siblings, and they were all looking at me as though I had just climbed out of a swamp, whilst, at the same time, my Dad had conveniently buggered off!
I could have happily strangled my Dad on the spot, and what was worse, I never explained to the family later on what had happened.
Not me but a couple of years ago on the tube.
After a day out Mrs VC and I were on the Jubilee line at Baker Street heading north back to the car at Stanmore. The train was quite busy when four teenage girls ran and jumped on just before the doors shut. One of the girls had clearly decided she was in charge and was explaining very confidently and loudly to her friends how she uses the tube all the time, and anyway it was only a quick trip as she pointed to the map demonstrating with complete certainty that the next station was Bond Street where they would get off.
At this point the entire carriage realised her mistake and several of us looked at each other with a small degree of pleasure then settled in to watch her fall from grace unfold before us. Sure enough the anticipation grew as we finally arrived at the station, the girls looked out of the window and scanned the words on the wall as they passed.
St Johns Wood
'Oh God, Oh God, No' She went white, then bright red.
As the doors opened and she pulled her mates onto the platform, the carriage collapsed in fits of laughter. Joy.
After a day out Mrs VC and I were on the Jubilee line at Baker Street heading north back to the car at Stanmore. The train was quite busy when four teenage girls ran and jumped on just before the doors shut. One of the girls had clearly decided she was in charge and was explaining very confidently and loudly to her friends how she uses the tube all the time, and anyway it was only a quick trip as she pointed to the map demonstrating with complete certainty that the next station was Bond Street where they would get off.
At this point the entire carriage realised her mistake and several of us looked at each other with a small degree of pleasure then settled in to watch her fall from grace unfold before us. Sure enough the anticipation grew as we finally arrived at the station, the girls looked out of the window and scanned the words on the wall as they passed.
St Johns Wood
'Oh God, Oh God, No' She went white, then bright red.
As the doors opened and she pulled her mates onto the platform, the carriage collapsed in fits of laughter. Joy.
i started a new job and after a few days decided id see if the showers were ok for when i started to cycle into work,i went into the cubicle,held the shower head away from my self and turned it on expecting a nice warm jet of water..........my groin area and all the front of my trousers were suddenly soaked!!!! the shower hose wasnt attached and the jet of water all over my groin legs made me look like id just pissed my self.i had a pair of grey trousers on and had to scuttle out the toilet/shower trying to hide my emarassing accident!!!
Story 2
in a pub one night,my mate Phil and me were talking to a mutual female friend at the bar,phil goes of to the loo and returns,he gets on his knees and bites the arse of our mutual female friend,the thing is it wasnt her,it was the arse of a small italian fella with a pony tail !!!the look on his face when the Italian turned round to see him kneeling on the floor!!!!
Story 2
in a pub one night,my mate Phil and me were talking to a mutual female friend at the bar,phil goes of to the loo and returns,he gets on his knees and bites the arse of our mutual female friend,the thing is it wasnt her,it was the arse of a small italian fella with a pony tail !!!the look on his face when the Italian turned round to see him kneeling on the floor!!!!
xxmimixx
Senior Member
- Location
- a different place on earth...
too many to mention 
but the that come to mind are
1* going to the ladies at work and leaving my skirt tucked inside my tights (luckily they were high denier - not see through, but still a little embarrassing!!) then walking around the office none the wiser.....
2* a few years back again whilst at work, I was telling my colleagues about a big BBQ party I had at the weekend, the job was customer facing and there was a long queue, everyone was listening, then I said... 'yes food was lovely we had chops, burgers, chicken, corn on the KNOB......
but the that come to mind are
1* going to the ladies at work and leaving my skirt tucked inside my tights (luckily they were high denier - not see through, but still a little embarrassing!!) then walking around the office none the wiser.....
2* a few years back again whilst at work, I was telling my colleagues about a big BBQ party I had at the weekend, the job was customer facing and there was a long queue, everyone was listening, then I said... 'yes food was lovely we had chops, burgers, chicken, corn on the KNOB......
Andrew_P
In between here and there
When I was 14 many moons ago, I was on a tour of California with two families, I shared a room with a friend who was also 14, we ended up in a not so nice area in a hotel in San Francisco. My friend had popped out up the hallway to see his mum, I laid in wait for his return and and as the door opened I leapt out of the bathroom holding my hands as if holding a gun shouting freeze M**** F**** it was a maid coming in to the room. to say she was upset is a real understatement she came pretty close to stroking out!
