Quick wit you've encountered?


Legendary Member
Some people have been kind enough to suggest that I am not a total imbecile, but I'm more of the cogitating type than the think-on-your-feet merchant. Indeed, I think if anything I'm unusually slow on the uptake/response. I always admire quick-witted comments from others.

The example that came to me while walking t'hound dates back at least 20 years, to when I was in a lift going up to a meeting, and someone muttered: 'God, this must be the slowest lift in the universe'. Almost instantly, someone at the back said: 'There's a slower one on Tharg.'

Can you recall any similar instances of quick-fire responses?


Years ago my dad was driving me and some friends in a blizzard to a train station when he said , this is the worst weather I have ever driven in.
Friend in the back seat said instantly " yes , only an idiot would be out driving in this " ^_^


Bimbleur extraordinaire
Back up north
Some quick witted ones come out of my own mouth - which is not a good thing as it sometimes upsets people.

At work, many, many years ago - a male engineer was sitting between two females (one of whom was me). Someone passing referred to him as 'a rose between two thorns' - my riposte was 'no, a prick between two roses'


De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
When our children were at first school I met one of the 'posh' mums arriving as I was leaving, she said, "You look smart today" to which I replied in passing, "Don't I always?"... all I heard was a strangled squeak behind me.


Legendary Member
A few years ago Gloucester rugby club signed that Australian 'superstar' center Jason Little, he turned out to be not particularly superstarish and left us and signed for Bristol.
We were playing Bristol, complete with Little in their side, at Kingsholm when Bristol were penalised, Mr Little disagreed with the referee somewhat and consequently were then marched back 10 yards for being chopsy, at which point some wag shouted, 'that's the most ground you ever made for us, Little.'


I did a drive for a very attractive lady. Tall blonde perfect 10 "sort most women hate"...
Any how we were chatting and the lady said I love this paving...I bet you have lots at your house?
No not really I replied...
Oh she said If you were my husband we have it everywhere..........I replied If you were my wife im sure we would..she laughed thankfully...my labourer cringed..love it..

Turbo Rider

Just can't reMember
Constant - work in sales, so there's no end of it....my last proud moment..Me Vs manager, who's just thrown a load of tissues over me after I sarcastically told him he was really interesting..."you've obviously heard about my latest hobby;" him "so long as you're not thinking of me while you do it;" me "Always, mate, you're so ugly it helps postpone ejaculation."


As we approached the glass doors to enter the local shopping centre, we could see a young couple on the inside walking towards us, intending to exit. The girl held her hand out to push open the door and nearly jumped out of her skin when they suddenly opened outwards automatically. As she lurched through, the lad murmured, 'Use the force, love. Use the force'.


Legendary Member
Me on the receiving end a few weeks ago, I wandered up to the office, as usual it was too warm up there...
'Good God, it's hot up here' I said...
'How kind of you to say :smile:' was the instant reply from one of the girls, mock fluttering her eyelashes :giggle:

Again, on the receiving end, many years ago, i'd had a particually short haircut one weekend, I wandered into the canteen and got barracked...all light hearted stuff...
'Hey Col, who cut your hair ? :laugh:'
'Yeah yeah, anything better ?'
'Seriously, tell us who did it ^_^'
In an attempt to give it back and show him he was being jeuvenile, I said..
'FFS, no-one 's said that kind of stuff since they were at school'
Quick as a flash he replied...
'No-ones had a haircut like that since they were at school :boxing:'

The table erupted in raucous laughter...I had to give him that one, it was class.


East Sussex
I was on a French yacht once in Antarctica and I needed to go to the British base, Rothera, as part of my assignment. The French skipper did not want to go. He was not keen on the English or their Antarctic bases and put up quite a protest on all kinds of grounds, before concluding his impassioned denunciation by saying the English were a terrible people, an awful people, an appalling people.

I said, rather stiffly: my wife is English

This startled him for a second then, quick as a flash he replied: Well, then you know!
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