Someone throw this man a rope, it needs to be about 40 years long...
Phew you found the end of the rope....good to have you back....
I may be missing something here ... or did the UK only get smoked salmon, avocado and balsamic in the 21st century? Both dishes seem retro to me, though the 2nd is probably only 30 years old and would still be a tasty treat.
(if you must have avocado, it should be smashed and served with a poached egg, and even that's pretty oughties)
Edit: to be helpful - I'd get a good loaf of sour dough, and visit an italian or Spanish deli and put together antipasta/cold tapas