revenge advice needed

[TheDoctor]

...and seems a tad drastic. A somewhat annoying random 'Beep!', OTOH...

 

[Drago]

Put his details on a dating website and tip off his missus that he's been playing away?

 

[vernon]

Frozen sausages. Go round to his house one night and hammer them into his lawn. He'll be very popular with the local fox population.

(read on another forum somewhere)

Easier said then done. Ground's likely to be too hard and it's a far from silent activity.

In the good old days signing someone up for a Readers' Digest subscription was a life sentence of penury.

 

[ELL]

Wait until Christmas and buy him one of those mens gift sets from boots. Now before you give it to him empty the sampoo bottle and fill it with hair removal cream.

 

[ELL]

Always best to top the bottle off with shampoo again so it won't smell funny.

 

[classic33]

Just be careful feeding him stuff to give him the squirts. Administering a noxious substance will get you locked up.

If they help themselves, would that not be self administration?

 

[Drago]

I guess So. Carry on!

 

[classic33]

I was in the habit of taking a bar of Dairy Milk chocolate into work. A person there was into helping herself to others people stuff.
Swapped it for a bar of exlax chocolate, with me taking some of it(the last of the ordinary chocolate) and eating it in full view of her. Bar was smaller when next seen, but she denied touching it. The "turkey trots" proved otherwise.

 

[fossyant]

Just be careful feeding him stuff to give him the squirts. Administering a noxious substance will get you locked up.

Deep heat to a cyclists pants is bad. I assume the op has not raced. If I came in where my kit is now and smelt deep heat I'd be suspect. At race HQs the place stinks of it and similar, it's all on the riders legs.

 

[Cubist]

I think it was petrolheads forum where the advice was "bum his dog". The OP said "But he hasn't got a dog!" So the reply came back "buy him a dog. Then bum it."

 

[fossyant]

Put a spud or two, three up his exhaust. The car won't start. But coat the lot in chilli powder if he tries to pull it out.

PS I would still smack him if it was my case.

 

[fossyant]

I know, deep heat on his eye balls.

 

[AndyWilliams]

Do nothing. Act no different. His joke on you then failed.

 

[Supersuperleeds]

Remind me never to get the wrong side of you lot, bunch of evil bar stewards the lot of you.

 

[summerdays]

I think we need a little more information about the culprit, hobbies, type of job (just the general type of job). Then we could refine the ideas!