said the actress to the bishop

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Andy_R

Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
Location
County Durham
I use "as the actress said to the bishop" a lot at work, and it renders even the most innocent phrase absolutely filthy!

I also like to mix metaphors on purpose. If someone isn't very clever, I like to say they "aren't the sharpest brick in the picnic".

A friend of mine talks about "sorting the goats from the chaff".
reminds me of "the sharpest spoon in the cutlery drawer", and one a friend of mine uses a lot "as keen as custard"
 
RDP - Run Down Period
The period before leaving a post, or indeed the service

... and the wonderful folk song by Shep Woolley

One of several songs by Shep that became almost Anthems for the RN
 
There were a number form Naval Personnel reports that amused and some of which did become adopted

""Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap"
"He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age."

"This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"This officer is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot."

"Only occasionally wets himself under pressure."

"This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction."

"He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle."

"Technically sound, but socially impossible."

"This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere."

"This young man has delusions of adequacy."

"When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. "

"This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar."

"Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity."

"I would not breed from this Officer."

"This officer has the astonishing ability to provoke something close to a mutiny every time he opens his mouth".
 
Whale oil, beef hooked.
I used to see a MK1 Escort estate with this along the bottom of the number plates when I was walking to school.

I thought is was really funny.................................................................................................when I was 13 ^_^
 

SteCenturion

I am your Father
"Eeeeh, Ah could crush a grape" Cracker Jack (I think) late 70's early 80's.

My variation "Oooh what lovely diamonds" , in an exaggerated & Eeeehlongated Northern drawl.

More left field, "fromage frais" (in answer to anything & in a "he's completely hat stand" kinda way.
 

Mad Doug Biker

Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
Location
Craggy Island
There were a number form Naval Personnel reports that amused and some of which did become adopted

""Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap"

"He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age."

"This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"This officer is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot."

"Only occasionally wets himself under pressure."

"This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction."

"He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle."

"Technically sound, but socially impossible."

"This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere."

"This young man has delusions of adequacy."

"When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. "

"This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar."

"Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity."

"I would not breed from this Officer."

"This officer has the astonishing ability to provoke something close to a mutiny every time he opens his mouth".

Some of those......:rofl:


*Taking notes for the 'Post a lie' thread*
 
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