said the actress to the bishop

[Arch]

Or "got a face like a slapped arse". In extreme circumstances, "got a face like a bulldog's slapped arse".

 

[SteCenturion]

"Fell out the ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down".

"Is your face on inside out" ??

"He looks like he'd scare a Police horse"

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

- What time is it Ted?

- Just gone 2

- O'Clock?


I use that at every opportunity, much to everyone's disgust.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Which reminds me,

"What time is it Eccles?"

 

[SteCenturion]

Which reminds me,

"What time is it Eccles?"

With the exception of Corrie dog, the answer will not come from Eccles as it has never been on the Eccles curriculum.

 

[SteCenturion]

With the exception of Corrie dog, the answer will not come from Eccles as it has never been on the Eccles curriculum.

However.

"How do I hot wire a car, how do I set up a cannabis factory"

Now that is another question altogether.

 

[AndyRM]

Or the other variation
Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

The Teesside version I once heard is 'Got a face like a sack of hammered tw@s'. I'm not sure how widespread this is, but I nearly died laughing when I heard it.

I'd also like to suggest Viz's Profanisaurus as the solution to all your inventive swearing needs.

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

"feck, @rse,gurls"

"are those my feet"

"what's that gobshite doing on the television"

"these are small, those are far away"


many many more.......

A sadly missed series, with only 2 problems

1. Dave Allen never got to play the Pope (maybe playing poker/drinking Whiskey with Jack, & telling Bishop Brennan to "Feck Off!")
2. Not really burying Graham Norton under a pile of big rocks, sealing the cave, & leaving him there

 

[John Ponting]

"Eeeeh, Ah could crush a grape" Cracker Jack (I think) late 70's early 80's.

My variation "Oooh what lovely diamonds" , in an exaggerated & Eeeehlongated Northern drawl.

More left field, "fromage frais" (in answer to anything & in a "he's completely hat stand" kinda way.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWksoZx0324

 

[Cheddar George]

Which reminds me,

"What time is it Eccles?"

Hold on a minute, i asked someone the time earlier and wrote it down on a piece of paper !

 

[SteCenturion]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWksoZx0324

Well found that man.

 

[pplpilot]

Face like she's just found a skidmark on a hotel towel...

 

[KneesUp]

I'm trying to give up double entendres. But it's hard.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Mange tout Rodney, mange tout

 

[ArDee]

The vicars late coming she said stirring her tea with the other hand.