Should we have a 'Personal Matters' forum?

[theclaud]

It suggest an unhealthy addiction to the internet, or specifically this forum.

Says the man with nearly 11,000 posts...

 

[Dan B]

Bonj is almost convincing me it would be a good idea.

I would otherwise, I think, be largely opposed: I've seen it before on another cycling forum I used to read, and I think (a) "here, have a virtual tea and biscuit and a hug" was never really a helpful response to "my cat has cancer"; ( the closed forum tended to accentuate any tendency towards cliquiness of the participants and I think that has a bad effect on the rest of the forum as well; (c) it encourages karmic energy vampires who hang around the personal forum and never post anywhere else at all.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

 

[theclaud]

I voted no. I don't think we need a separate forum for things like this. If people want to post this kind of thing they should be able to do so where they want. If people don't want to read them, they don't have to - even serious cyclists.

I quite agree. I'm not an enormous fan of these kind of threads, but have found one or two very moving - I logged on when bored at work with the rather ignoble intention of picking up an idiot-baiting session where it had left off and felt humbled by someone's frank story - which was told with humour and without self-pity. You can always ignore the guinea-pig ones, but Bonj is deliberately trivialising - I don't think it's unreasonable for people to be upset by the death, for example, of a much-loved dog, and to seek a bit of condolence.

 

[Chuffy]

I'm merely expressing weariness at Bonj's trolling or do you think he isn't?

I don't think he's trolling, I think he's serious. Bonj doesn't approve of all this frivolous emotional stuff, it gets in the way of being a Serious Cyclist.

I have to say that I don't agree with your idea Crackers. It's up to people to make a judgement about what they post and how much they give away. With Cafe being the only outlet for this (at the moment) hopefully people think before posting. Not always guaranteed, but there you go. A private matters section (which is far too ACF for my liking) would be tantamount to having an "I need a hug" section, which I would avoid like the plague. If people post insensitive replies in Cafe posts then they usually have a kicking it pointed out to them that they've been out of order. That's just part of the way that communities develop and learn to get along.

 

[Crackle]

I would otherwise, I think, be largely opposed: I've seen it before on another cycling forum I used to read, and I think (a) "here, have a virtual tea and biscuit and a hug" was never really a helpful response to "my cat has cancer"; ( the closed forum tended to accentuate any tendency towards cliquiness of the participants and I think that has a bad effect on the rest of the forum as well; (c) it encourages karmic energy vampires who hang around the personal forum and never post anywhere else at all.

Hmmm, yes, very good points. I think most of you speak sense (even Bonj, he just packs it well). I think the Naye's have it so far.

 

[Chuffy]

I think (a) "here, have a virtual tea and biscuit and a hug" was never really a helpful response to "my cat has cancer";

Heh, very true, but at the same time it can be comforting to see that someone has bothered to register that you're upset about something. In the Real World (tm) you wouldn't expect much different. That's what platitudes are for, they are a handy way of saying something when there's nothing else that can be said but saying nothing at all isn't an option.

 

[akaAndrew]

the closed forum tended to accentuate any tendency towards cliquiness of the participants and I think that has a bad effect on the rest of the forum as well;

I've been thinking about just that effect. I'm still undecided as to whether it's another worthwhile trade-off. I just don't know. How does one measure such things?

it encourages karmic energy vampires who hang around the personal forum and never post anywhere else at all.

Much like P&L then?

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

It doesn't sound harsh at all to me, just a considered opinion.

I can think of quite a number of reasons why not to have it but, for each, I can't see an impact on the wider board/membership (except the closed-board clique perception one, and even that's resolved by having it as an open forum). It's a forum that can simply be ignored if one wishes; either by self-discipline or the forum tools. I reckon it's worth trialling.

 

[dellzeqq]

there was one thread in the PM board on ACF which sustained a friend through the illness and eventual (and inevitable) death of her husband. Whether people want the same thing here is up to them, but it can be useful.

Personally I find the likely subject matter difficult to deal with, and would probably shy away.

 

[numbnuts]

there was one thread in the PM board on ACF which sustained a friend through the illness and eventual (and inevitable) death of her husband. Whether people want the same thing here is up to them, but it can be useful.

Personally I find the likely subject matter difficult to deal with, and would probably shy away.

I was at ACF and I found that thread very moving for it gave support to the lady and also gave an insight to loosing someone very close to you

 

[bonj2]

I quite agree. I'm not an enormous fan of these kind of threads, but have found one or two very moving - I logged on when bored at work with the rather ignoble intention of picking up an idiot-baiting session where it had left off and felt humbled by someone's frank story - which was told with humour and without self-pity. You can always ignore the guinea-pig ones, but Bonj is deliberately trivialising - I don't think it's unreasonable for people to be upset by the death, for example, of a much-loved dog, and to seek a bit of condolence.

oh so it's ok for a guinea pig to die but it isn't ok for a dog. I see.

I speak from experience when I talk about the grief of bereavement of the loss of not one but TWO guinea pigs, at once: one of them died needlessly, its death was caused by the death of the other.

 

[Arch]

Heh, very true, but at the same time it can be comforting to see that someone has bothered to register that you're upset about something. In the Real World (tm) you wouldn't expect much different. That's what platitudes are for, they are a handy way of saying something when there's nothing else that can be said but saying nothing at all isn't an option.

My thoughts too. I don't see anything wrong with people posting personal stuff, if they want to - I know I have friends on here I'd share things with that I'd struggle to share with face to face friends. And sometimes all you need is a virtual hug and a bit of sympathy.

Not sure about a separate section. I think maybe if people feel in enough need, then they'll post in Cafe, and those who feel they shouold will reply, and look after any antisocial types who poke fun.

And I've lost three guinea pigs in my time, each one sadly missed at the time.

 

[Bollo]

The forum means different things to different people. For some people its a big chunk of their on-line and real lives, so posting the personal stuff might be fine for them. Others will just come on to talk toss in P&L and one or two might just be interested in cycling.

I'll look at the forums and posts that interest me and, unless its one of the few forumites I've met in real-life, I'll not usually bother with the dead-hamster threads. It's not that I don't care, it just feels slightly voyeuristic to me.

The point is that I don't think personal posts need to be hidden away. If you really don't want the world to know something, then don't put it on the f****** internet!

FWIW, I've never, ever honest injun visited P&L. If I've got something bigoted, ill-informed and irrational to post I'll usually tack it on a reply to one of Origamist's threads in Commuting.

 

[akaAndrew]

Others will just come on to talk toss in P&L and one or two might just be interested in cycling.

There's no smiley but I still sense that's positively dripping with irony!

 

[Bad Company]

Sounds like a good idea to me. I'm for it.

 

[Gerry Attrick]

I like the idea that anyone can post anything on the forum which concerns them. If the subject matter is inconvenient or unacceptable to others, then those others do not need to read it or respond. Period. That is not a reason for preventing members posting. As for a separate section, definitely not. The cafe is for all things not covered by the other fora. I personally would shy away from reading a forum containing nought but tales of woe. However, I may well respond (and have in the past) to occasional genuine (as it seemed to me) cries for help, assistance or comfort. Is that not what good communities are for?