vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Very strong chances if it was a mining community or mill town.
Social Faux Pas
- Thread starter Fnaar
- Start date
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Very strong chances if it was a mining community or mill town.
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
[QUOTE 2212395, member: 45"]Not me, but a friend. A very shy friend. She was a guest at someone else's house and got the same toilet problem. Cistern tricks didn't work so see fished it out, rolled it heavily in toilet paper, and put it in her suitcase.
All was well until she got home and her mom decided to unpack for her...[/quote]
Ouch!
If she was prepared to handle the damn thing then it would have been simpler just to break it into a hundred far more flushable pieces. (And make damn sure that she washed her hands properly afterwards!
)
All was well until she got home and her mom decided to unpack for her...[/quote]
Ouch!
If she was prepared to handle the damn thing then it would have been simpler just to break it into a hundred far more flushable pieces. (And make damn sure that she washed her hands properly afterwards!
)
Silver Fox
Guru
But before we get to the floater nightmare, the experienced boyfriend will place toilet paper just above the water's surface to dampen the sound of impact that permeates throughout the house.
Oh the joys of youth.
Andrew_Culture
Internet Marketing bod
- Location
- The People's Republic Of Suffolk.
The second time I met my wife's parents was also the first time I met her auntie and uncle (who were on a rare trip to Blighty having escaped to South Africa many years earlier).
The wife and I were living on a £10 a week food budget at the time, a budget we shared with the other three people we shared a house with.
In a big show of 'welcome to the family' (me not her; they already knew my wife) the visiting relatives took us to a local hostelry and insisted on filling us till (what in retrospect) was probably far beyond the 'fill to here' line.
Spending an hour getting outside of more food than we'd seen in weeks and drinking with the foolish enthusiasm of youth inevitably led to an unscheduled food escape. Being the classy lass she is my wife gently resolved her over-eating discreetly behind a dense hedge. Being a dumb young punk I felt no such need to shield the public from my nihilistic personal horrors and dropped to my knees on the spot where my stomach's urge to spill overtook me, which unfortunately for some nearby children happened by the entrance to a bouncy castle.
I rolled onto my back looking like I'd be wrung dry of my essence - I was 10.5 stone and 6' 2" tall, in some ways this look was my default setting before I discovered my wife's astounding kitchen skills. My mother in law did her best to hide my shame by ferrying handfuls of bark chippings from a nearby herbaceous border, looking the other way as she piled them onto my leavings, while parents of aforementioned small children comforted their audibly upset spawn.
Just as I was willing my body to devolve to a state where I could become one with the earth I saw my wife's aunt and uncle bimble over to give their assessment of the sorry situation. The uncle looked me up and down as one might freshly dispatched road kill - with a look of gentle sympathy and an air of one who is not cheered by the grim inevitable outcome of natures struggle to survive in a world of motor cars, a world not of their making.
"Well Indroo..." (I apologise for the poor attempt at an Anglo-tinged South African accent),
"Well Indroo, it does a fella good to blow out once in a while. Would you like a brandy?"
The aunt is a professional nurse of some standing and after giving me a quick visual assessment offered me her prescription for a swift recovery - a cigarette.
Their gently non-judgmental reaction to my culinary outburst warmed me to them, and I've had a soft spot for them ever since. It now occurs to me that they might have decided not to make a scene in the hope that I was a temporary bump in the path until their lovely niece received a better offer. 18 years later I hope they've come to terms with the fact their niece has well and truly cast her lot in with mine.
All these years later I'm still glad I didn't actually manage to actually make it onto the bouncy castle...
Here's a photo of me and the wife taken on that day, I don't recall if we're smiling at the prospect of cramming our pie holes or out of relief because we no longer felt like lard Zeppelins.
The wife and I were living on a £10 a week food budget at the time, a budget we shared with the other three people we shared a house with.
In a big show of 'welcome to the family' (me not her; they already knew my wife) the visiting relatives took us to a local hostelry and insisted on filling us till (what in retrospect) was probably far beyond the 'fill to here' line.
Spending an hour getting outside of more food than we'd seen in weeks and drinking with the foolish enthusiasm of youth inevitably led to an unscheduled food escape. Being the classy lass she is my wife gently resolved her over-eating discreetly behind a dense hedge. Being a dumb young punk I felt no such need to shield the public from my nihilistic personal horrors and dropped to my knees on the spot where my stomach's urge to spill overtook me, which unfortunately for some nearby children happened by the entrance to a bouncy castle.
I rolled onto my back looking like I'd be wrung dry of my essence - I was 10.5 stone and 6' 2" tall, in some ways this look was my default setting before I discovered my wife's astounding kitchen skills. My mother in law did her best to hide my shame by ferrying handfuls of bark chippings from a nearby herbaceous border, looking the other way as she piled them onto my leavings, while parents of aforementioned small children comforted their audibly upset spawn.
Just as I was willing my body to devolve to a state where I could become one with the earth I saw my wife's aunt and uncle bimble over to give their assessment of the sorry situation. The uncle looked me up and down as one might freshly dispatched road kill - with a look of gentle sympathy and an air of one who is not cheered by the grim inevitable outcome of natures struggle to survive in a world of motor cars, a world not of their making.
"Well Indroo..." (I apologise for the poor attempt at an Anglo-tinged South African accent),
"Well Indroo, it does a fella good to blow out once in a while. Would you like a brandy?"
The aunt is a professional nurse of some standing and after giving me a quick visual assessment offered me her prescription for a swift recovery - a cigarette.
Their gently non-judgmental reaction to my culinary outburst warmed me to them, and I've had a soft spot for them ever since. It now occurs to me that they might have decided not to make a scene in the hope that I was a temporary bump in the path until their lovely niece received a better offer. 18 years later I hope they've come to terms with the fact their niece has well and truly cast her lot in with mine.
All these years later I'm still glad I didn't actually manage to actually make it onto the bouncy castle...
Here's a photo of me and the wife taken on that day, I don't recall if we're smiling at the prospect of cramming our pie holes or out of relief because we no longer felt like lard Zeppelins.
PpPete
Legendary Member
- Location
- Chandler's Ford
The husband of a work colleague offered to do an informal survey on a house Mrs PpP were hoping to buy (after several broken chains)
By way of thanks we took them to a restaurant, where, with my volume control slightly affected by alcohol, I began to recount the trials and tribulations of buying and selling. One deal had broken because the the two sellers of a property further up the chain had had a falling out, and of course I used the same term as the estate agent used in describing them to me: "Queer as a nine-bob note". (In my defence this was several decades ago)
Whilst many of my witticisms earlier in the evening had elicited suitable laughter or at least smiles, this one was met with curiously blank expressions.
Well, how was I to know that the two gentleman sitting on the table behind me were rather obviously homosexual?
I've never been allowed to forget that one.
By way of thanks we took them to a restaurant, where, with my volume control slightly affected by alcohol, I began to recount the trials and tribulations of buying and selling. One deal had broken because the the two sellers of a property further up the chain had had a falling out, and of course I used the same term as the estate agent used in describing them to me: "Queer as a nine-bob note". (In my defence this was several decades ago)
Whilst many of my witticisms earlier in the evening had elicited suitable laughter or at least smiles, this one was met with curiously blank expressions.
Well, how was I to know that the two gentleman sitting on the table behind me were rather obviously homosexual?
I've never been allowed to forget that one.
defy-one
Guest
We had some visitors over from Richmond, Virginia for a family wedding. My neice arrived late and was busy mingling as you do. She eventually got to our guests and enquried as to which part of the US they lived ..... every time she said Virginia,she actually said Vaginia ..... it took everyone 10 minutes of hysterical laughter before we could point out the error in pronounciation 
[QUOTE 2212395, member: 45"]
All was well until she got home and her mom decided to unpack for her...[/quote]
At least it was her own mother. A different friend of mine, on the first 'meet the family' stopover, mistook the laundry basket for the thunderbox, despite its creaky lid. It was weeks before he found out why her parents kept glaring at him the following weekend.
All was well until she got home and her mom decided to unpack for her...[/quote]
At least it was her own mother. A different friend of mine, on the first 'meet the family' stopover, mistook the laundry basket for the thunderbox, despite its creaky lid. It was weeks before he found out why her parents kept glaring at him the following weekend.
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
f
Was he fat and miserable as well ?
So, I was out drinking with some friends and a pal of theirs who had come over from Belgium. Something had been on my mind all evening, but it took 5 or 6 pints for it to finally come to the surface. I put on a silly Michael Palin voice and started to recite the Monty Python 'Prejudice' sketch. My friends looked aghast and tried to stop me, but I broke free and continued.
"Think of a derogatory term for the Belgians!" ...
Have you ever tried to say sorry to an angry, drunken Belgian?
Was he fat and miserable as well ?
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
I was playing tennis in a park in South London on a Saturday morning with a friend when my serve was being put off by a chatter of parakeets who were gathered in the tree above me. Their awful screeching was really interfering with my already ropey serve. I spoke with my playing partner about how parakeet owners had let them out in the past and they had bred and were now taking over our parks and threatening the indigenous bird population already here and then angrily I shouted out "F**k off, you don't belong in this country!" at the precise moment an Asian man walked past the court.
MontyVeda
a short-tempered ill-controlled small-minded troll
- Location
- Lancaster... the little city.
Not really a faux pas... just one of my 'jokes' being taken offensively.
I was at friends chirstmas party a few years ago and his sister just can't stop talking about her 'illness'... she's not ill, but does have IBS and avoids wheat... so she was talking at length about her 'illness' and I chirped up in my faux-empathetic voice... "I get that too... it doesn't matter what I eat, it just turns brown and falls out of my bottom!" ... she left.
I was at friends chirstmas party a few years ago and his sister just can't stop talking about her 'illness'... she's not ill, but does have IBS and avoids wheat... so she was talking at length about her 'illness' and I chirped up in my faux-empathetic voice... "I get that too... it doesn't matter what I eat, it just turns brown and falls out of my bottom!" ... she left.
Many years ago, a "friend of mine" was going out with a young lady..... Not a serious relationship, but shared evenings and the occasional night as she lived some distance away and was only in town occasionally
They then went to a Party hosted by a fairly senior management figure and was introduced to his wife......
Answering the question " I don't think you have met my Wife" with "Actually I have been sleeping with her for three months, and wasn't aware she was married" would have been the ultimate social gaff.... A close call
They then went to a Party hosted by a fairly senior management figure and was introduced to his wife......
Answering the question " I don't think you have met my Wife" with "Actually I have been sleeping with her for three months, and wasn't aware she was married" would have been the ultimate social gaff.... A close call
Silver Fox
Guru
We had a new chap join the team at work unaware there was a man and wife working together.
Not long after his arrival, still unware of the relationship, a few of us were sat round having a break when the lady of the marriage left the room at which point new guy announced " My god that's ugly".
He applied for a transfer shortly after.
Not long after his arrival, still unware of the relationship, a few of us were sat round having a break when the lady of the marriage left the room at which point new guy announced " My god that's ugly".
He applied for a transfer shortly after.
