Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day

[Bigtallfatbloke]

On the way to town this morning, rear-ended a car.

Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day.

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf...

He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said... "I'm not happy"

I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

 

[SamNichols]

Is this a joke, or did it actually happen?

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

it's a joke..suposedly

 

[Crackle]

Isn't it an old Tommy Cooper joke? Anyway I still didn't see it coming and it still made me laugh.

 

[Aperitif]

10/10

 

[Dayvo]

I went to the doctor's about a problem I have.

I told him that I have a $hit every morning at 7:00.

He said that that was excellent, it shows that my bowel movement is regular and consistent.

I explained to him that I don't wake up until 7:30!

Sorry!

 

[graham56]

I went to the doctor's about a problem I have.

I told him that I have a $hit every morning at 7:00.

He said that that was excellent, it shows that my bowel movement is regular and consistent.

I explained to him that I don't wake up until 7:30!

Sorry!

 

[longers]

Getting a new alarm clock for Christmas then Davyo?

 

[Dayvo]

Getting a new alarm clock for Christmas then Davyo?

Nah, just LOTS of new sheets!

I assume you knew I was joking!

 

[strofiwimple]

Two cowboys were discussing their favourite sexual positions 1st one says

"the rodeo is definitely the best- no doubt" Never heard of that one says

the other- how does it go. Well...... you take your wife from behind then

lean forward, cup her breasts and whisper in her ear "these feel just

like your sisters" Then try to hold on for ten seconds.

 

[Fnaar]

I went to the doctor the other day, I told him it hurts when I raise my arm above shoulder level. Well don't do it then, he replied (with apologies to Tommy cooper who did it much betterly, with actions etc!)

 

[JamesAC]

I went to the doctores yesterday, complaining that I felt like a pair of curtains.

He told me to pull myself together.

 

[Dayvo]

<yawn> - I went to the doctors today and told him I was feeling like a dog. He asked me how long I had felt like this and I said since I was a puppy.