Suspicious Happenings - anyone else ever experience this?

tyred

Legendary Member
Location
Ireland
Last night I had a terrible night's sleep. I kept waking up with a feeling something was going on but I couldn't work out what.

When I got up this morning I found person or persons unknown had made a terrible mess in the fireplace with soot and ash everywhere and someone had walked sooty footsteps all over the living room carpet with a pair of size fourteen Wellington boots creating a complete mess in the process and had clearly dragged a large, dirty sack across the carpet.

When I went to the kitchen, someone had eaten all my mince pies and drank all my beer from the fridge leaving empty bottles and litter all over the kitchen. Someone had also made tea using my family heirloom Royal Albert tea set, chipping one of the cups in the process.

Furthermore, someone had nailed a pair of my old socks to the mantlepiece, clumsily splitting the woodwork in the process and then stuffing my socks with a Terry's Chocolate Orange and other rubbish including a set of disgusting smelling Lynx shower gel/deodorant, a Cliff Richard greatest hits CD, a box of Walkers shortbread, three pairs of woollen gloves, a hideous striped tie, fake gold cuff-links, a pair of tartan slippers, a football, a bottle of Blue Stratos and bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream.

When I went outside, I found hoof prints and sleigh tracks all over my lawn and looking up at the roof noted a number of loose tiles and reindeer shoot all over roof and something had bent the TV aerial attached to the chimney.

I am now sitting here feeling slightly sick after drinking the Harvey's and eating the shortbread, smelling like a school PE changing room after a bath using the Lynx products and slowly being driven insane listening to "Living Doll" while pondering where I can send the bill for the carpet cleaning and roof repairs. Just to add to the expense I accidentally kicked my new football through my neighbour's kitchen window and the dog has chewed up my tartan slippers.
 

classic33

Legendary Member
How many individual portions, not pieces, of chocolate orange were gone/eaten?
 

classic33

Legendary Member
 

Domus

Veteran
Location
Sunny Radcliffe
Many years ago Mrs Domus worked at Bolton Wanderers. Our eldest daughter attended the club’s Christmas party as a three year old.
Alan Gowling was playing Santa but Laura refused to go to him for her present. She exclaimed in a rather loud voice. “that’s not Father Christmas, he’s wearing white shoes”
 
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