Take a Real Headline and Add Your Own Byline

[PeteXXX]

Please lose... Please!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

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[DRM]

Halifax Brand To Be Scrapped After 173 Years
Town is now to be known as Lower Huddersfield

 

[Profpointy]

Dad has baby magazine delivered 19 years after ordering it
Royal Mail applaud this upturn in their performance.

A friend used to be a motor mechanic for the Post Office, and one van came in for a repair which entailed removing a particular panel for access, behind which was a load of letters; evidently having fallen out of a mailbag out of sight years before. They were duly delivered with a little note. If whatever it was hadn't gone wrong the panel would likely never have needed to be taken off and the post lost for ever

 

[Profpointy]

Britains Rural Broadband Boom turns to Bust

Openreach admit they have run out of tin cans and string.

Some of my colleagues had been to a technical event hosted by Nokia who dished out a little freeby of tin cans full of boiled sweets ...joined by a bit of string. We played with it on the office and were surprised how well the traditional childhood toy worked. Nokia had also issued "expansion kits" consisting of an additional tin with a length of string which you tied into the middle of a
two way "phone" giving a "conference call" mode which I'd not seen beforr

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Being a cannibal is bad for your health, scientists find

Cannibal in need to new liver eats the donor liver.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

CEO Says He’ll Fire Any Employee Who Sends Him More AI Slop

Hi CEO—understood. From now on, I won’t send any AI-written draft without your approval and human edits. I’ll either (1) write the email myself or (2) provide an AI draft clearly marked as “draft” for review first. Thanks.
Best,
Chat GPT

 

[Drago]

Bayeux tapestry tickets generate nine-hour online queues as public scramble for access
History buffs desperate to see Accy depicted in a steel helmet with contrasting ring mail and leather accessories.

 

[DRM]

Residents Want Lights On To Deter Antisocial Behaviour

They've hidden my latest delivery of a pink linen jacket & pair of gaudy shoes, say's Accrington's style guru

 

[DRM]

New Hospital Site "Wholly Inappropriate" MP Says

MP for Clacton has his residence turned into a cottage hospital, he's never there so it might as well get used for something useful

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Gary Neville says only one team can stop France winning World Cup​

In a desperate move, the ‘A’ team is hired by England.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Tens of thousands rush for tickets to see Bayeux Tapestry in UK

Kevin from Salford says he always likes to see new stuff.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Scientists Build Fully Synthetic Life Form That Can Eat and Reproduce

UK soon to have new prime minister

 

[Drago]

Sports club take Lloyds to ombudsman for being 'de-banked' after 74 years as loyal customer
The Fourth Reich Union Of Golfing Fascists and has no idea why Lloyds dropped them.

 

[Drago]

NHS to reward people who walk 30 minutes a day​

Bacon sandwiches, fags, and lager for those that take care of themselves.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

NHS to reward going for walk with discounts and shopping vouchers

Free pies if you can manage to walk to pie shop.