Telling people politely to go away...

...and that they aren't your friend really, just after sommat for nowt.

So, I have had a bit of good luck on the romantic/lust side of things and I'm getting married this August and will be living in a very big house in France. So far so good. However one of the local rags got hold of the story and ran it (complete with a photo of someone else's chateau ;)). Since then I haven't been able to go more than two days without someone sidling up to me, "You remember me..." finally coming to the meat of the matter, "...can I invite myself to a couple of weeks free holiday this summer." One hard nosed git even wanted me to pay his airfare. Real friends I don't mind so much, but people who wouldn't give me the time of day before think it fair game now. At first it was easy, "I'll let you know" put them of for a while, but now some of them are getting more insistent. So how, politely, do I get rid of them?

(Next week's installment:-how to teach a French cook how to make a pork pie?)


If its someone your not particularly bothered about having contact with,just tell them to @@@@ off,if its a friend ,who is becoming a pain,just laugh,and say yeah right,in your dreams.Or if all else fails,just blank them.;)


New Member
You've honestly just got to think up some good lies and memorise them properly like that bit in Resevoir Dogs.

-You've got an ill agoraphobe staying with you
-You're decorating
-The place has got fleas

Make a pretend blog. It might even turn out to be quite an interesting hobby.


This is one of my favourite subjects. Working in IT it seems I'm expected to steal bits of computers and repair people's home machines and be very grateful for the attention.

Those who ask for me to steal bits are presented with a paper which states they have commisioned a theft and are aware they are as guilty as me for committng that theft. All of a sudden it's not so vital they get it on the cheap anymore ;)

To the home repair I tell the tale of a chap who was very ill and I took pity on him and built him a PC at cost, added loads of software for free and took it to his home and set it up for him. From that day on it was like I'd adopted a stray dog, I just couldn't get rid of the bloke. Phone calls late Saturday night 'My AOL don't work' or 'I've loaded some software which has buggered my PC up and I can't get it off - can you come over and fix it' (that was at 10 o'clock one Saturday night).

Anyone who would ask you for a free week or two at your place has just lost all chance of some sort of consideration. Just laugh at them and say 'Not a chance mate. The weeks you've got in mind I've got houseful of riends visiting'.

They might even catch the subtle hint :blush:


Well, if it was me and someone trying to foist themselves on our French house - I'd say fine, come and stay, and while you're at it help me set up the telescope on a chilly night in the pitch-dark, and then sit around in a garden chair for the wee small hours shivering, while I take my images...

Anyway, enough of that. I'd actually quite welcome the odd guest or two - if they're prepared to help me set up the telescope on a chilly night in the pitch-dark, and then sit around in a garden chair for the wee small hours shivering, while I take my images... oh and there just might be the odd cycle ride at times too...

And by the way Hoverfly, congrats on your forthcoming nuptials! Well done that man!


Legendary Member
I can sympathise. It's amazing how many 'friends' have made contact since I moved to France.

But it used to work the other way too. I lived in central London and when I was abroad I could see peoples eyes light up and the flight reservations being made when they found out where I lived.

I worked in IT too. A programmer, so I know jackshit about computers really. Doesn't stop people ask me sort out their internet connections etc etc etc. It's amazing how refusal offends people though. I don't want to bugger up their computers but they think I'm being awkward! Can't win!


Married to Night Train
Salford, UK
Twenty Inch said:
My parents used to say "the house is full, but there's a very nice hotel in the town, and we'd love to see you for dinner one evening". People soon get the message.
Indeed. You could make it true by having all of us to stay...:smile:

I think, if it's folk you don't count as proper friends, you can afford to just say no. You don't owe an explanation or politeness or anything. The addition of "Whaddya think I am, a free hotel?" might get the point home.

I like Shinamo's idea too...:tongue:


Alternatively, you could say 'sorry, but I do have a week free in June, could I stay at yours whilst I visit friends in the UK?'

I used to get people asking for tax advice when I was in practice and to some extent it's a marketing issue (give them a little bit but tell them to come to your office for more). But I have found the worse non-paying clients are your family. Eventually I had to tell them to go to a friend who had his own firm as their demands were getting beyond a joke (set up a limited company please and prepare dormant/small company accounts why don't you? Like this weekend. Me - wtf?!!!). Even though you do it for nothing they're never grateful and you never get the same sort of thing in return.:smile:


New Member
If it's someone you wish to still be pleasant to, then I'd go for this procedure:

1. It's not really convenient this summer / autumn as we're having a lot done to the house. Dealing in seasons is nice and wooly.

2. If they ask when IS convenient, well ah can't say just now but hoping to get sorted out a bit towards the end of the year so can think of dates then.

3. Onve they've waited and waited, something else will come up like a kid, you'll get years out of that.

If after this they still persist, tell them to sling it!

I consider myself lucky that I have no discernable talents for friends/ family to exploit!


Legendary Member
Tell them that the cops have just found some bodies under the floorboards.
And that you won't be around to entertain any visitors.....
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