The bad poetry thread

[MontyVeda]

A poem titled Ode to a Goldfish by Giles Brandreth:

oh wet pet.

 

[srw]

A poem titled to a budgerigar after its bath by
The W Poet

Oh wet pet
Eh, pet, wot?
Tweet - Hop!
The pet: Ow!
He wept to
The wet op.

 

[swee'pea99]

I just came in from the rain
And now I have to go back out there
Again

 

[machew]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the windowsill
To see if they would fu-fu-fall off.

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in the closet
And every time she opened the door
It left a little deposit.

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts shot up its tail
And turned its wool to nylon.

 

[jayonabike]

There was an old man from Glosam
Who took out his nuts to wash 'em
His wife said "Jack, if you don't put 'em back"
"I'll tread on the buggers and squash 'em"

 

[Moon bunny]

Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece as black as soot,
And everywhere that Mary went,
Its sooty foot it put.

 

[rich p]

A poem titled to a budgerigar after its bath by
The W Poet

Oh wet pet
Eh, pet, wot?
Tweet - Hop!
The pet: Ow!
He wept to
The wet op.

OTT - Phew.

 

[wait4me]

Mary had a little lamb
she also had a bear
I often saw her little lamb
but never saw her bare

 

[Beebo]

Mary had a little lamb,
I've often heard it said,
Mary is now Ninety Three
and the little lamb is dead.

 

[Aperitif]

Poetry expresses the soul
and has a way of feeling
as distinct from limericks,
which I don't find appealing.

So, think you're best you
lot who write on
subject trite or subjects
bright.

And maybe just
we'll have something,
for Moon Bunny's thread
when we meet, a-morning.

 

[Melonfish]

this reminds me of the assumption song...

There was a old farmer who lived on a rock. He sat in the meadow just shaking his...fist at some boys who were down by the creek, there feet in the water their hands on their...marbles and play things, and at half past four, there came a young lady she looked like a...pretty young creature, she sat on the grass, she pulled up she dress, and showed them her...ruffles and laces, and white fluffy duck, she said she was learning a new way to...bring up her children, so they would not spit, while the boys in the barn yard were shoveling...refuse and litter from yesterdays hunt, while the girl in the meadow was rubbing her...eyes at the fellow, down by the dock, he looked like a man with a sizeable...home in the country, with a big fence out front, If he asked politly she'd show him her...little pet dog who was subject to fits. and maybe she'd let him grab hold of her...small tender hands, with a movement so quick, and then she'd bend over and suck on his....candy, so tasty, made of butterscotch, and then he spread whipcream all over her...cookies, that she had been baking all night

If you think this is dirty your F***ing well right!

pardon the language, or lack there of.

 

[DiddlyDodds]

There once was a woman from Bude
Who went swimming in a pond
Along came a man with a big stick
And said you cant swim here its private


One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew there swords and shot each other

 

[rich p]

If it don't
rhyme or scan in any
meaningful way but has
line
breaks where...
...ever
the writer fancies then is it poetry
at
all
does it have any point like a
javelin
discus
s?

 

[Aperitif]

All poetry is like
a bacon sandwich.
Rasher words than
care to mention - classic phrases
to capture attention.

Seeking, finding but
never consumed;
the bread with metre
in the middle - a fat lot of good
and another riddle.

 

[Moon bunny]

Ode to the map reading instructor,
or,
A plain thing made hard

Airey spheroid, Cassini projection,
Rate of change of variation,
Yes, but which direction?

Height surveyed by levelling,
Road, narrow, metalled without fences,
Have you quite lost all your senses?

The way to where I want to go,
With you I'll never know,
Should I care about steep hill, shown by arrow?

I think I'll trace this yellow line,
Turn left by this green blotch,
Why the heck would I want to find south with just a watch?​