Actually, thinking further, given @User482 and @theclaud to (say) Reading or Slough, @velovoice and @Flying Dodo to Bedfordshire and @CharlieB and me to Buckinghamshire, hiring a van for the bikes and a large car for the bodies - or putting the bodies in a cab and hiring a van for the bikes - might not be a bad idea. We can put the Western Britons up in Bucks for the night if necessary - the only downside (for all of us) is that I need to be in Central London for 8am on Wednesday, but the first Great Western train of the morning is unlikely to be that busy.
Have I forgotten anyone going elsewhere in the same sort of direction?
Is this a strike plan? I'm desperately trying to finish something at work before signing off, and I don't have the slightest clue what's going on, but I am a relatively low maintenance sofa guest if anyone is offering.