The illogical and bizarre statements that people make

[tyred]

I attended the funeral of an elderly neighbour, long-term family friend and well known member of the local community earlier today and as I was sitting in the church waiting for the service to start, I overheard a man in the pew behind talking to the person beside him say "I knew that she was ill but I didn't know that she wasn't well!"

I had to try hard not to laugh out loud and ended up in a fit of coughing...

 

[classic33]

Said the other way round, it makes perfect sense.

 

[CanucksTraveller]

It's like that other chestnut isn't it...

How is he?
Oh he's okay.
Yes but, how is he in himself?

My wife does that. She said her sick uncle seemed fine, but not fine in himself. I asked what the hell that meant but I'm still none the wiser.

 

[Vapin' Joe]

When you're twenty and you learn a 80 year old has died: "Well, he had a good innings".

When you're 65 and you hear of an eighty five year old passing away: "Christ, that's no age".

 

[iateyoubutler]

Soinso passed away last week at 97.......

"people are dying younger and younger thesedays"

Bloody hell, I`ll be delighted to see 70!

 

[neil_merseyside]

When you're twenty and you learn a 80 year old has died: "Well, he had a good innings".
When you're 65 and you hear of an eighty five year old passing away: "Christ, that's no age".

My Dad had 'big parties' at 65 (state retirement age, then) then 68 (stopped work as mortgage paid!) then again at 70 then 80 as they ended in noughts 'and should be recognised', he then decided to celebrate in 5's (just in case) - well actually he had just the one '5', as at 85 he decided to go yearly thereafter, just in case, so he/we then had 86/87/88/89/90/91 and he just missed his 92 by a gnat's...

 

[Drago]

I'm driving down the motorway at a steady 65 and an audi comes belting past at a good 110+. Mrs d shakes her head and sighs...

"He won't get there any quicker."

Erm...

 

[iateyoubutler]

I'm driving down the motorway at a steady 65 and an audi comes belting past at a good 110+. Mrs d shakes her head and sighs...

"He won't get there any quicker."

Erm...

Don`t they all drive at that speed? And like BMW`s they are exempt from indicating...

 

[Rusty Nails]

My mil wrote to my wife once in the middle of a power cut.

"Excuse the writing as I'm writing this with a candle"

 

[Drago]

"It's too cold to snow."

Er, its -60 Celsius in Antarctica, but it manages to snow there just fine.

 

[iateyoubutler]

"It's too cold to snow."

Er, its -60 Celsius in Antarctica, bit it manages to snow there just fine.

Yes that`s always a good one😄

 

[Rusty Nails]

A frequent local one...

"I'll be there now in a minute"

 

[iateyoubutler]

It`s that fine rain that soaks everything.....

Doesn`t it all??

 

[iateyoubutler]

Not heard this one for a few years now, but "that`s more better" was good for a giggle

 

[Archie_tect]

When you're sitting in a power cut in the kitchen and someone fills the kettle... 'for a cup of tea while we're waiting...'