The "James Bond" Gadget Bike

[Jezston]

A multibarrel paintball gun, with pellets of:

Paint
Paintstripper
Special pellets that unfolded into a round sticker that read "I'm a lousy driver" or similar.

CALLING VIKEONABIKE!

Most paintball guns are not replicas of actual firearms, and could barely be confused as such - especially if one was to colour them in two tone hivis.

Would it be inherently illegal to have one slung over your back when riding?

Using one on the other hand ... but y'know, this is just a theoretical question

 

[summerdays]

It would have to be high tech. It would be a machine that caused the offending vehicle to disappear completely, and deposit the driver and passengers harmlessly on the footpath, together with a written explanation of exactly why they have been deprived of the "right to drive."

Like Want one...

 

[Leaway2]

A cake and flapjack dispenser would be quite nice.

Also a flamethrower which is activated when the bike or the lock is interfered with, or even if someone looks at it the wrong way.

And it could heat the cakes and pies etc.

 

[Ibbots]

Lightweight and aero bar mounted ashtray and lighter please

 

[upsidedown]

Some sort of sensor that can detect what type of car is approaching and allow me time to react appropriately.
For example if it detected an Audi A3 i would just need time to dive into any hedge or other soft material. If it detected a BMW X6 i would just need time to stop and point while laughing as it went past.

 

[SquareDaff]

1) A rear sensor that detects the likely space a driver is going to give me - and then deploys road spikes etc... at those cars likely to pass too close.
2) Extra mode on all cycle lights that detects those inconsiderate a-hole drivers who approach with full beam on and boosts the output 1000% to give them a taste of their own medicine.
3) Auto metal stud mode on tyres for snow and low traction conditions!
4) Ink spray on handlebars - to fire at all those hecklers from the roadside/passing cars
5) Automatic optimum gear selection - enter the desired cadance and the bike does the rest

 

[smiorgan]

Bowel disruptor

 

[semislickstick]

Some sort of sensor that can detect what type of car is approaching and allow me time to react appropriately.
For example if it detected an Audi A3 i would just need time to dive into any hedge or other soft material. If it detected a BMW X6 i would just need time to stop and point while laughing as it went past.

You are in luck, they sell such devices....

http://www.amazon.co...05556779&sr=8-1

 

[Woz!]

I've often thought this is quite do-able and wouldn't be very expensive:

Flat bars are essentially metal tubes that point at cars passing you. Get a spring that fits the tube snugly, and a ball bearing that fits perfectly.
You could prime it with a metal rod - strictly one shot - push the ball in until the retainer grabs it. All you'd need would be a very simple retaining clip that's released by a button on the bars (drill a hole for a small metal rod to drop down in front of the ball while the spring's under tension, a button moves the rod).

Depending on the size of the spring and ball, it would pack quite a whack and would be virtually indetectable.
Am I a bad person?

 

[classic33]

I've often thought this is quite do-able and wouldn't be very expensive:

Depending on the size of the spring and ball, it would pack quite a whack and would be virtually indetectable.
Am I a bad person?

No, why did you ask.
The piece desribed, I feel you already have fitted.

 

[Woz!]

No, why did you ask.
The piece desribed, I feel you already have fitted.

'fraid not - all my road bikes are drop barred.
Wouldn't be a point on the MTB unless I wanted to shoot a particularly close-passing deer!

 

[Davidc]

2) Extra mode on all cycle lights that detects those inconsiderate a-hole drivers who approach with full beam on and boosts the output 1000% to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I used a hope vision 1 once - it's got a button which does that!

I want knives available on my hubs, just like Boudicca's charriot in the statue in London. Useable for ripping the tyres and scraping the paint of close passers, and also for obnoxious pedestrians on joint use paths

Apart from that I'll go with Arch's suggestions.