Here’s Mr Bailey.
Despite the white bits, yes, he is a genui-wine labrador. He’s got a Kennel Club stifficate and everything. Contrary to popular belief, proper labs are allowed to have white bits, and spots on the tongue.
We’ve been together about six years now. He was with a family that had been persuaded by their granny to have a big dog, because her house was too full of little yappers. But they didn’t really want a dog at all, and neglected him. He was massively overweight and had lots of broken teeth from chewing stones from sheer boredom. They did know enough to know that he wasn’t happy, though, so he came to me via a mutual friend who runs a sort of informal dog-broking service.
I took him back there for a visit once. It was embarrassing: he couldn’t get away fast enough.
He’s probably the most popular dog in the village; all the children know him by name. He never needs to be on a lead. He travels with me and we’ve been on filming trips to many parts of Europe together.*
A true labrador, he is obsessed with fetching stuff. His never-failing method of making friends is to find a stick, ball or bottle (he can find one of these objects anywhere), place it gently at the feet of a random stranger who doesn’t appear (to him) to be otherwise occupied, step back a pace and gaze appealingly at them.
*Sadly, since Brexit, this may no longer be possible.