The latest joke.
- Thread starter postman
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
NB. The above picture is intended as a humourous item and does not necessarily reflect the posters views of h*****s and the advisability of wearing them nor is it intended to stimulate a discussion on that subject!
The moral being don't get plastered on a bike with your helmet on
Silver Fox
Guru
Teacher asks a class of young children to relate a story with a moral attached.
Little Jane at the front says she went to the fairground with her mummy and daddy at the weekend. Daddy won a chicken and told her they would make lots of money from selling eggs. The chicken died, daddy didn't make any money and little Jane was upset.
So, asked the teacher, what is the moral of that story Jane.
Don't count your chickens before they hatch Miss.
At the back of the class little Billy puts his hand up, straining to get noticed. Yes Billy, tell us your story.
Well Miss, it was in the World War 2. My grandad was in a trench, all around him had been killed. All he had was his rifle, 6 bullets, a bayonet and bottle of whiskey. He looks up out of the trench and sees 7 German soldiers running towards his position. He loads the bullets into the rifle, fixes the bayonet then drinks the bottle of whiskey. Grandad then jumped out the trench and charged the advancing German soldiers. He shot 6 of them and bayoneted the last German, killing them all.
The teacher asked Billy what the moral of his story was.
Don't f*ck with Grandad when he's pissed Miss.
Little Jane at the front says she went to the fairground with her mummy and daddy at the weekend. Daddy won a chicken and told her they would make lots of money from selling eggs. The chicken died, daddy didn't make any money and little Jane was upset.
So, asked the teacher, what is the moral of that story Jane.
Don't count your chickens before they hatch Miss.
At the back of the class little Billy puts his hand up, straining to get noticed. Yes Billy, tell us your story.
Well Miss, it was in the World War 2. My grandad was in a trench, all around him had been killed. All he had was his rifle, 6 bullets, a bayonet and bottle of whiskey. He looks up out of the trench and sees 7 German soldiers running towards his position. He loads the bullets into the rifle, fixes the bayonet then drinks the bottle of whiskey. Grandad then jumped out the trench and charged the advancing German soldiers. He shot 6 of them and bayoneted the last German, killing them all.
The teacher asked Billy what the moral of his story was.
Don't f*ck with Grandad when he's pissed Miss.
Two fish in a tank... "Well I can't drive this bloody thing, can you?"
Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
Tommy Cooper at his finest
Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
"Doctor, it hurts when I lift my arm like this"
"Don't lift your arm like that then"
"Don't lift your arm like that then"
Salad Dodger
Guru
- Location
- Kent Coast
Knock knock
(No answer)
Knock knock
(No answer)
Knock knock
(no answer)
Whitney, can you hurry up in there, I wanna have a shoot
(No answer)
Knock knock
(No answer)
Knock knock
(no answer)
Whitney, can you hurry up in there, I wanna have a shoot
Mum is told by her young twin's school teacher that she will have to stop them swearing so much. If they continue to swear at school they will both be excluded.
She tells them that from TODAY swearing is NOT allowed or there will be serious consequences.
The following morning twin number one comes down for breakfast.
''Mum, can I have some sodding Cornflakes ?''
Mum doesn't hesitate and she cracks him round the head with a saucepan sending him crashing into the wall. Twin number two has just walked in, she turns and asks:
''WELL what do you want for breakfast ?''
'' I'm not having any f**king Cornflakes. That's for sure. ''
She tells them that from TODAY swearing is NOT allowed or there will be serious consequences.
The following morning twin number one comes down for breakfast.
''Mum, can I have some sodding Cornflakes ?''
Mum doesn't hesitate and she cracks him round the head with a saucepan sending him crashing into the wall. Twin number two has just walked in, she turns and asks:
''WELL what do you want for breakfast ?''
'' I'm not having any f**king Cornflakes. That's for sure. ''
Mad Doug Biker
Just a damaged guy.
- Location
- Craggy Island
I don't believe goldfish would say 'Bloody', it just doesn't seem right. A goldfish would never be that uncouth.
I don't think Des O'Connor would like our humour too many swear words used.But there again i don't like Des O'Connor records too many holes in them.
