the recovery

[markg0vbr]

not only would the firm get add space on my velomobile but i would be prepared to perform walnut cracking demonstration to entertain and draw a crowed.

i did a bit of trike maintenance today all basic stuff but keeps them running smooth; tinkering with the built up shoe on my short leg has become a bit of a obsession trying to get the feel of the peddle stroke the same on both sides.

the wind was blowing hard again, i had not realised how bad it was until i got of the trike part way through the ride to put my gloves on, i could hardly stand up, but laying on the trike it was just blustery!

 

[byegad]

Try lying under the trike , you'll get even less wind. Or eat fewer beans!

 

[Speicher]

The mind boggles as to why you got off the trike to put the gloves on.

 

[n-ick]

Yo Cosmoidio,
in order to ensure similar pedal stroke action, why not unbolt your cranks and have them facing the same direction?
Not only would this give you a chance to compare your incomparable Olympic action, but would also confirm to the great unwashed what 2 brain cells can acheive in tandem.

Spud has developed a single two footed crank to which the feet may be welded and glued.

 

[byegad]

Maybe Cosmo Smallpiece is going about it all wrong!

He should be celebrating the diversity of his legs, embracing differences )and getting ready for his latest expedition into space). Following the thread's resounding success of orbiting Speicher around the moon so she could look at its backside. Dirty girl! TYKE, see below, will launch Yorkshire's first space mission with due modesty and ambitious.

So far in human history only 12 men have walked on the moon. In the New Year, at vast expense, The Yorkshire Kingdom Explorer (TYKE) will fund a 'manned' moon landing! Taking the glorious USA space programme into account they will start with a lesser primate and Cosmo's name came to their notice (I knew Spamming had a use!). Our own SBGG is going to be unlucky 13th on the moon. The population of the whole of God's own County were asked for contributions for the missile spaceship. A total of £12 000 000 was needed and in true Yorkshire generosity we raised 33 1/2p, 3 Farthings and one Groat (As no one spends anything unless really necessary in Yorkshire, it's perfectly possible that the donors of the 1/2p, Farthings and Groat still think they are legal tender.) from the general population. Thankfully Rotherham, population 118 000, raised double the required funds between them. Typical comments included 'He's going to the Moon? Promise!!!' and, 'I'll pay the whole amount M'self, so long as it's a one way trip.'

Our scientists say the trip out will take 5 days, unless they pop up for two rockets (The money is there, Well done! Rotherham!!!) and then it'll be under two days, sadly the landing speed will be a bit higher in option two. Alternatively they can do the traditional thing and buy a smaller rocket, giving an outward trip time of three weeks. Then spend the rest on a really good blow out of St Tetley's and Haddock and Chips all round for Rotherham".

The down??side is that there may be a slightly longer return time on option three, although no one can see an issue with a 25 000 year trip home, Cosmo will be able to enjoy the sight of the the Earth as first Global Warming and then Ice Ages ebb and flow across the face of the Earth. Who knows, mankind may well develop a means of rescuing him in a couple of decades, although the ethical question of returning him to Earth a little quicker could see centuries of debate, small wars and even a full exchange of Thermonuclear weapons, before a decision is made.

Cosmo, we need you to start practising holding your breath immediately I suggest holding it for 1 second in every minute for a now doubling the period of time you hold your breathe every two days.

Launch of TYKE 1 will be at 00.01 YST* on the 1st of January 2012, this will ensure that the population of Yorkshire and other less important parts of the world will see the launch#. The lander G' Riddance will separate from the main ship and descend to the surface, as it will have no means of deceleration we suggest Cosmo takes his trike and looks at is as the best downhill (Well, down gravity well.) ride of his life. Best give the brakes a good checkout and remember to deduct 14psi from the normal tyre pressures.

This will ensure a Happy New Year to our readers.

" If tha' spends owt, spend it on th'self.
*Yorkshire Standard Time, don't ask for it unless you can pay!
# Will all drunks remember to lie face up in the gutter with eyes open, please!

 

[markg0vbr]

The mind boggles as to why you got off the trike to put the gloves on.

well you have to take your shoes of first to look for the l and r on my socks, obviously! gosh you do ask some daft questions.

 

[markg0vbr]

Maybe Cosmo Smallpiece is going about it all wrong!

He should be celebrating the diversity of his legs, embracing differences )and getting ready for his latest expedition into space). Following the thread's resounding success of orbiting Speicher around the moon so she could look at its backside. Dirty girl! TYKE, see below, will launch Yorkshire's first space mission with due modesty and ambitious.

So far in human history only 12 men have walked on the moon. In the New Year, at vast expense, The Yorkshire Kingdom Explorer (TYKE) will fund a 'manned' moon landing! Taking the glorious USA space programme into account they will start with a lesser primate and Cosmo's name came to their notice (I knew Spamming had a use!). Our own SBGG is going to be unlucky 13th on the moon. The population of the whole of God's own County were asked for contributions for the missile spaceship. A total of £12 000 000 was needed and in true Yorkshire generosity we raised 33 1/2p, 3 Farthings and one Groat (As no one spends anything unless really necessary in Yorkshire, it's perfectly possible that the donors of the 1/2p, Farthings and Groat still think they are legal tender.) from the general population. Thankfully Rotherham, population 118 000, raised double the required funds between them. Typical comments included 'He's going to the Moon? Promise!!!' and, 'I'll pay the whole amount M'self, so long as it's a one way trip.'

Our scientists say the trip out will take 5 days, unless they pop up for two rockets (The money is there, Well done! Rotherham!!!) and then it'll be under two days, sadly the landing speed will be a bit higher in option two. Alternatively they can do the traditional thing and buy a smaller rocket, giving an outward trip time of three weeks. Then spend the rest on a really good blow out of St Tetley's and Haddock and Chips all round for Rotherham".

The down??side is that there may be a slightly longer return time on option three, although no one can see an issue with a 25 000 year trip home, Cosmo will be able to enjoy the sight of the the Earth as first Global Warming and then Ice Ages ebb and flow across the face of the Earth. Who knows, mankind may well develop a means of rescuing him in a couple of decades, although the ethical question of returning him to Earth a little quicker could see centuries of debate, small wars and even a full exchange of Thermonuclear weapons, before a decision is made.

Cosmo, we need you to start practising holding your breath immediately I suggest holding it for 1 second in every minute for a now doubling the period of time you hold your breathe every two days.

Launch of TYKE 1 will be at 00.01 YST* on the 1st of January 2012, this will ensure that the population of Yorkshire and other less important parts of the world will see the launch#. The lander G' Riddance will separate from the main ship and descend to the surface, as it will have no means of deceleration we suggest Cosmo takes his trike and looks at is as the best downhill (Well, down gravity well.) ride of his life. Best give the brakes a good checkout and remember to deduct 14psi from the normal tyre pressures.

This will ensure a Happy New Year to our readers.

" If tha' spends owt, spend it on th'self.
*Yorkshire Standard Time, don't ask for it unless you can pay!
# Will all drunks remember to lie face up in the gutter with eyes open, please!

i am very excited about this project; the possibility that i may be responsible for repopulating the planet is a exciting prospect.
i have started doing simulated landing* i have a goldfish bowl to modify as a helmet, the nurse up at the host'ipitable said she could not remove it without braking it so i will have to wear it until the end of the expedition**.
i have been for a quick run through on the simulator*** in the old Rotherham united foot ball ground and noticed what looked like a moon scape laid out on the pitch i did not get a good look as they wear shutting the doors, i do not think they wanted me to see it; it must be a surprise! though there did seemed a excessive amount of camera equipment

i got a compass in one of the xmas crackers today as it was the works dinner, i was not attending the dinner but the crackers were left on my desk all day so i emptied out some of the expensive looking ones and put my own jokes in them with handy prises i found laying about in the office.
seeing some of the staff in what they consider "casual, trendy" party dress, was a bit disconcerting and frankly distressing.
as the only person left to run the department and the phones going quiet about 3:30; i did a inventory of the tins of chocolates from the four sections and separated all the good ones in to the tin that resides in the licensing section as every one knows they are doggy.
i also filled up there sugar jar with all the part jars from the other three sections, i am off work on Monday and Tuesday.


*the lads carry me on to the shed roof and throw me off repeatedly and with some enthusiasm.

**drinking with a straw is no problem but corned beef hash requires hand stands and a quick rinse afterwards.

***thank you bill worksman for the kind donation of the reliant robin, this mounted on a park swing with three hefty blokes
prodding it with pit deputy yard sticks is very realistic.

 

[markg0vbr]

Yo Cosmoidio,
in order to ensure similar pedal stroke action, why not unbolt your cranks and have them facing the same direction?
Not only would this give you a chance to compare your incomparable Olympic action, but would also confirm to the great unwashed what 2 brain cells can acheive in tandem.

Spud has developed a single two footed crank to which the feet may be welded and glued.

i have this on the hand bike you go super man, booby's out, super man booby's out, super man booby's out.

 

[byegad]

Cosmo there's someone at the front door. Go and answer it.

Everybody else... Draw closer...Don't tell him we are not supplying any air, other than that in his goldfish bowl. The best guess is he'll be dead before the missile spaceship gets into Earth orbit. Unless SBGGs can breathe in a vacuum. Shhh! Keep it to yourselves. And Speicher, tell him how much fun you had in orbit.

 

[markg0vbr]

i think the government is trying to stop me claiming my gilt edged £3500 a year pension; the hit squad was out again today.
on a 90% right turn a car desides it is a good plase to over take, so just on the apex of the bend he is along side i hit the brakes hard as i did not like this, just as a car whips around the bend the nice chap how was at the side of me did not hesitate and pulled hard over where i would have been, as it was i missed being crushed by the back end by millimetres, there is know way he could have known i had braked as i was in a blind spot at the time. "you £*$ £&£$*& £&!(£&% " i said, very loudly*


*i know it was loud as a df rider up the road looked around and saw what was happening he pulled in to the middle of the road slowing the car unfortunately not for long enough for me to get to the drive ; he looked back at me heading for him explaining how upset i was at the near death experience at the top of my lungs and shot off.

 

[n-ick]

Yo Cosmoidio,
blooming good job too, keeping tha' as a member of the poor people class will allow you to consume white bread, lose teeth and ensure the surplus population is reduced.
Mind, your experiences with our team of hit men, may mean that you don't actually reach retirement age, at all.It seems to be doing your blood pressure good. In case of a cardiac arrest , Spud had devised a mobile stimulator, just hook it up to a nearby pylon and you should immediately feel the benefits.
Which will be more than you will, if they retire you.

Whatever you want for Christmas, we'll have it instead and enjoy it all the more!!!

 

[byegad]

As Death would say, 'I'VE HAD A NEAR COSMO EXPERIENCE.'

I suspect the sniper will have more success.

Of course you could volunteer for our moon shot. In space no one can hear you scream.

 

[Speicher]

Please refrain from suggesting that Mark do any mooning.

Admit it, whose behind that idea?

If it is a night of a full moon, who knows where that would lead. Any one of a nervous disposition would need to stay indoors.

 

[byegad]

Think of it as a benefit. The moon currently has no inhabitants. So sending Cosmo there will infinitely increase the average IQ of the moon. Meanwhile without Cosmo, the Earth's average IQ will show a significant rise too. Benefit to both worlds and no loss.

 

[Speicher]

Yes, but then who is going to take me on a recuperative joliday to the Carry Bean?