the recovery

[markg0vbr]

from the pain i am experiencing today laying on a sun drenched beach like a big greasy chip is looking good, i dont think they have that on the moon.
i was thinking of running for the presidency of the usa next year, i could then purchases the uk and lease it back to its inhabitants. it is the same plan as the French and Spanish are now doing but on a much grander scale.
all i need it for every one in the uk to send me £5 for my campaign funds.

 

[byegad]

The only way you'll get a whole £5 is to promise to be on our spaceship. If you refuse to go we'll use our back up astronaut. But next door are very fond of their budgie and will miss him.

 

[n-ick]

Eeeyup Cosminoaut,
tha' could do what t'Americans did. Get to Nevada desert, tie everything down, make sure t'flag doesn't flutter in t'breeze and bingo.
Or in your case Umbongo, Rawmarsh's first unipod on the Moon. In your case, the backside of Rotherham.

Not only has Spud been working on a non launching space shuttle, but had finished a complete recycling suit.
This will enable you to live on your own waste for an indefinate period. It is tastefully finished in Union colours and strangley shaped like a coffin.
We shall be testing at Berwick this Easter.

 

[markg0vbr]

i changed my mind becoming president of the usa, is just not enough i think emperor of the world might be more like it just to start with.
to this end i am working on weaponising the dark sucker i have in the shed; with a fresh 9v battery and 3ft of the magnet out a fridge door i will be unstopeble.
though being environmentally responsible my take over might be a bit on sedate side at a average speed of about 14mph in fact.
i have decided that the first act as emperor will be to make put all food on ration except cabbage, sprouts, spinitch and onions; alcohol will be limited to one unit per week; every one will be required to wear one left shoe that is 1/2" higher than the right one, beards will be compulsory for all women, all men will be required to walk backwards on a Thursday, the word elucidating will be band; i will think of other things to amuse me as time goes on .

the ride today was ok i did have the over taken df rider almost sufering a corenery to get in front of me befor he turnd off again, it is all good fun and helps me train.
i over took one yesterday into a stiff head wind and he worked very hard to keep up with me he only caught up as there is a 1mile stretch of really rough road that is hard work on a trike, he was muttering when he went past.

 

[n-ick]

Yo Cosminio,
when are visiting hours?
Will the unit be open over Christmas?
Will they untie your straight jacket to pull a cracker?

Tha's really flipped this time. Spud has an interesting version of the
mind altering hypnosis and water shock treatment machine.
I can tow it to Berwick.

 

[byegad]

The only thing that can bring the SBGG now is EST.

I'm thinking a metal cap and a steel rod hammered into the earth then, given that Speicher, while a first rate chap and all that, is of the female persuasion, how can I say this in mixed company? OK! Shoved where the sun doesn't shine. We wait for a thunderstorm and fly a large kite with a fine steel wire, rather than string, which is attached to the hat.

Sadly this is a kill or cure remedy, but I'm willing to take the risk.

Meanwhile The Yorkshire Kingdom Explorer moon shot is cancelled, pending finding another, more stable, idiot. To ensure the main office, in Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma Gate York, is not besieged by Rotherhamites demanding their money back* all monies have been sent to a secret location, thought to be in the Yorkshire Missionary to Durham Headquarters. A spokesman for His Holiness Saint Byegad the Blessed said. 'Any money accrued to the Mission is of course subject to the most scrupulous safeguards.' Yorkshire Security expert, Lord Boycott of Headingley, said that His Holiness's wallet was the most secure place on earth as His Holiness has forgotten five of the seven security codes needed to remove his wallet from his pocket and has had two of the three keys needed to remove money from the Holy Wallet melted down after depositing the TYKE money. He added off the record that he; 'Bowed down to a superior miser, Blessed be his bank account! Praise the Archangel Trueman, Freddy be his name. Amen!'

* Being from Yorkshire they understand the strict Ruling from the Synod of York, held in 1081, that refunds are a mortal sin. However under extreme provocation we expect mass hysteria to break out with people paying to make the journey from Rotherham to York at their own expense!

 

[byegad]

Corrections.

1. For 'His Holiness', read 'His Very Unholiness.'
2. For 'Blessed', read 'Blasted'.

 

[Speicher]

It appears that we have an infiltrator in cognito. Some one who is reading this thread, but not part taking of commentising. They disguise themselves as a very small frog!

Is this revenge for Mark failing to protect the frogs?

... ecks scuse me while I go back umpty-two pages to find the correct post....

 

[byegad]

Amphibians are welcome here. No matter how large or minute they are. Quite why you are worried about slurs against a member of the entire class of the animal kingdom because of our SBGGs Franco-phobia is beyond me.

Our SBGG is concerned for the frogs who are suffering from some sort of fungal infection, although last time I was in Paris they all seemed very fit to me.

 

[n-ick]

Yo Cosmo,
I note with alarm that there are 2 dates coming up soon which will be of interest to you. The first is December 25th, when us lesser mortals open presents, eat and drink too much. If you are celebrating this, then I will send Spud's mystery ticking package by courier.
The 2nd , most ominous is the start of the new year, when us lesser mortals eat and drink too much and resolve to be better minions.
We have again forwarded tha' details for the Honours list, as a true brick.
Further more, we have started on the plans for your deep pit at Berwick. By this means we will be able to toss leftovers and drink down , without presenting as a danger to lesser mortals.

 

[byegad]

Good idea to send a parcel, Cosmo's tribe were wondering what to have for dinner on the 25th and roast postman would be a treat. I hope you got the package away in October 2010, otherwise it won't arrive in time.

 

[markg0vbr]

you know i am quite fond of the newt! if you cut bits off they grow back, there are newts that live in caves in slevinia that can go for decades without eating and survive
there seems no end to the fungible frog problem
i have just finished doing the xmas card thing we have worked out ways to save.
1 every one write on there cards in pencil they can be rubbed out and reused
2 every one keep the cards you got last year and put them out again this saves on postage as well as cards
3 put cards in envelopes you have received through the post put a line through the address on the front and add return to sender, Write on the back the address you would like the card to go
4 only a wasteful spend thrift will walk on both feet use crutches and walk on one leg your shoes will last twice as long.
my wallet is opened on a regular basis to count, fondle and encourage my money and to strengthen the enchantment/ diabolical curse that has been woven in to it. "may your taxes increase and your teeth turn white over night "

the plan is going well, i expect full world domination in six weeks, though i am having problems with the post office, they will insist on delivering parcels 30seconds after i leave the house; it can take me 3 to 5 days to retrieve a parcel from the depot 3 miles away that might have travel d half way around the world in less time.
i think i will rename the planet dirt or not a sphere rely its tangerine shaped.

good ride today though had several cars over take me to then slam the brakes on and turn left in front of me! i wonder if they are part of the hit squad that are out to get me? i am starting to worry about spud some times i think he has not got my best interests at hart.

 

[byegad]

Extract from the SBGGs text
"...my wallet is opened on a regular basis to count, fondle and encourage my money and to strengthen the enchantment/ diabolical curse that has been woven in to it."

ARE YOU MAD! You'll wear it out. The Ancestral White Fiver issued in 1795 still had pristine clarity and no wear when my Grandfather looked at it in 1923. (He'd been tempted to buy a round of drinks to celebrate the birth of my Father. Thankfully the sight of it's beautiful print brought him to his senses!) I may leave a clause in my will suggesting my Grandson have it examined and valued in case it is worth more than the face value. No rush maybe when he's 60?

 

[Scoosh]

Your Grandson is 60 ??

 

[byegad]

Your Grandson is 60 ??

Not yet, but I'm hoping he'll get there!